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Post by tommy on Jul 5, 2024 15:31:36 GMT
Folks, it's finally here. Before we get into the show, allow me to go all OOC/sappy and sentimental here. First, I apologize for the show being so late. This thing was only supposed to go up about 2.5 months ago. It didn't because of me and my job. AON keeps telling me that "only fools and horses work," and I'm not a horse, so.... First, thanks to all of you who made a character for this fun little side project. I hope that we did them justice in writing matches/segments for the show. I'm sure that there are some things that got forgotten that we talked about doing/wanted to do, but I still hope that you have fun reading about the people you created. None of this would've been possible without you creative folks making up fictional characters to take part in this small-time indie show, and I appreciate you sharing your creativity with me. This show would never have happened without [USER=27383] aon[/USER] and [USER=27462]@jazz Wolf[/USER]. Gentlemen, your creative genius took this from a "nice idea" into what I believe is a damn engaging show. It would never have been posted without you. Also thanks to [USER=27285]@wiseman[/USER] for jumping in and helping turn this into a reality. With all that said...we're proud to present to you.....HIGH NOON! 
We enter the long-domain LCW arena. 3000+ people on their feet giving a standing ovation. All in attendance are so, so ready to be back in the swing of things; they're letting themselves be heard. No telling how long this has been going before the camera started rolling, but it goes on for the first few minutes of the broadcast. reaching a near euphoric moment they pop huge for themselves, as even Jewels Duvall is taken aback by what's going on, but not enough to leave her speechless.
Jewels Duvall: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! FROM TEXAS AND ALL AROUND THE WORLD, WELCOME BACK TO LONGHORN CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!
The arena comes unglued once again before anything even happens and then the chanting starts… "LCW!" "LCW!" that goes a little bit longer and sets an absolutely incredible setting for everything.
Lance Decker: Hello, everyone, I'm Lance, Bah God, Decker. alongside former Tristate Champion ‘Gentleman’ Jim King, neither one of us can stress enough just how excited we are to be back behind this glorious desk for the greatest wrestling promotion in the world. Thanks to our friends at FWA, LCW is back.
Jim King: I am, of course, above such excitement and no longer need to work, but this is a wonderful way to waste time and get out of my mansion.
Lance Decker: Speaking of the Tristate Championship, we shan't waste time, ladies and gentlemen, as we get into our first match of the night! The reigning champion, Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, looks to hold on to his ill-begotten gains, as he battles Rip Walker and Dan McClain in a Bunkhouse Brawl - and Jim, I can’t think of a better way to kick LCW back into high gear.
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The lights fade, as attention is drawn to the big screen, showcasing a bunkhouse, waiting and ready for its participants. A pair of shoes are shown on the screen, polished and clean, approaching the bunkhouse. The shiny shoes combined with the recognizable theme brings one man to mind, and the LCW faithful begin booing.
Jewels Duvall: Our opening contest is a triple-threat, Bunkhouse Brawl, for the LCW Tristate Championship! Introducing first… from Dallas, Texas… Weighing in at two-hundred and eighty-five pounds… The LCW Tristate Champion… JACK BENTLEY PORTER, JUNIOR!
Lance Decker: Jack Bentley Porter, Jr. One of the wealthiest men not only in LCW, but in Texas alone. A cutthroat businessman who has no qualms about playing underhand to get ahead in the game, Jack has done everything in his power to hold that title belt in his greasy palms, and in particular, away from a certain Rip Walker. To the point where he hired Dan McCain to screw Walker over, promising McCain he’d be rewarded in time. But I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again - never trust a suit.
Casting a sneer behind him, Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, enters the Bunkhouse, grimacing at the dirty surroundings. The camera cuts back outside, to a pair of brown cowboy boots, approaching to a cheer.
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Jewels Duvall: From Dallas, Texas… Weighing in at two-hundred and eighty-six pounds… RIP WALKER!
Jim King: And here, some would say, is the rightful LCW Tristate Champion. Someone who had the match all but won, until the interference of Dan McCain said otherwise. Now, Rip Walker aims to make good on what should’ve been his. A fan favorite, through and through, Rip Walker has all the tools to run roughshod through LCW… If he can get that Tristate Championship first.
The physically imposing Rip Walker saunters into the bunkhouse, mockingly tipping his hat to Jack Bentley Porter before hanging it on a bedpost. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, he waits for the final piece of the puzzle to arrive, as we cut back outside, as a pair of worn combat boots stomp through the grass.
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Jewels Duvall: And, weighing in at three-hundred and twenty-five pounds… ‘DIRTY’ DAN MCCAIN!
Lance Decker: And the third man. Dan McCain, infamous amongst LCW. A former world champion, the man with the most Texas Death Match victories to his name, even a former commentator in this booth beside myself. McCain is synonymous with LCW, and he took a paycheque to make an enemy out of Rip Walker tonight. I don’t believe he doesn’t regret anything, he’s a man who stands by his actions, and could very well be the wildcard tonight.
Dan McCain kicks in the bunkhouse door, storming in with a snarl. Within the main room bunkhouse, our three combatants square up! Boots brushing over the thin straw on the floor, just above sturdy wood. This room is wide, spacious - four makeshift sleeping hammocks hanging on the east and west walls, a trinket or two beside each hammock. Six tall wooden pillars extend from the floor to the ceiling, each pillar with a single hook affixed to it, to hold an outfit, a uniform, or in a rare care, a utensil. Near the south end of the bunkhouse sits a ladder, extending up to a small alcove, the contents of which are currently unseen. Also at the south end are three doors - One marked ‘Kitchen’, one marked ‘Washroom’, and one marked as ‘Equipment.’ At the northern end of the bunkhouse, a pair of large, barn doors swing closed, locking the combatants within. They will not reopen until a winner has been decided.
DING DING DING
Lance Decker: For the newer viewers, a Bunkhouse is traditionally a barracks-like building that operates as a sleeping and housing quarters for ranch hands. In more financially-strung times, the bunkhouse would double as the local barn, so one would tread carefully - it’s just as likely to stumble across a weapon such as a shovel or a hammer than a cot or a hammock.
Jim King: So, what you’re saying is… It’s going to be messy.
Lance Decker: In a word, yes.
Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, the champion going into this, takes a step back, eyes darting between his two opponents. In response, Rip Walker takes a step towards him. And in response to that, Dan McCain takes a step towards Rip Walker.
Lance Decker: And there’s the unsaid story - Dan McCain got into this because Jack Bentley Porter hired him to sabotage Rip Walker’s chances at winning the gold. Porter promised McCain a title shot, but we went on break before that could happen. Does Porter intend to honor his side of the deal? Can McCain trust Porter to give him the agreed title shot? Will Walker have to contend with this being, essentially, a two-on-one affair?
Suddenly, Rip Walker turns his stride, and sprints to catch Dan McCain with a running forearm! Caught off-guard, McCain stumbles, and Walker immediately pivots to charge at Jack Bentley Porter, who looks like he has shit himself at the sight of Walker charging towards him. Walker clobbers Porter with a vicious right hook, unloading with a series of hard rights and lefts to the body of Porter! But McCain comes in from before with a stiff forearm to the back, an elbow to the spine, halting momentum. Porter assists, and as suspected the two team up on Rip Walker. Porter holds Walker’s arms behind his back, and allows McCain to nail a trio of chops to Walker’s chest, but the fourth is blocked by Walker catching McCain with a boot, subsequently using the opening to shove Porter backwards into one of the support pillars. As McCain runs back in with a fist, Walker meets him with a fist of his own, while Porter grabs something hanging off the hook of the support pillar - it’s a thick leather belt! He wraps it around Walker’s neck!
Lance Decker: There’s the major risk of this Bunkhouse -Weapons can be found just about anywhere in this building. Taking your eye off the game, even in a triple threat, is a quick shortcut to someone getting one up on you.
Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, starts strangling the life out of Rip Walker, allowing Dan McCain to land in a few jabs to the gut, the two weakening Walker to his knees. Porter loosens the belt, slipping it off of Walker, before demanding McCain to hold him. As he does, Porter straightens out the leather belt, folds it in half, then whips Walker across the chest! YEOUCH!
Jim King: My goodness! It’s been not even five minutes and we’re already descending into this?!?
Already, an ugly red welt is starting to show up on Rip Walker’s chest - not helped by a second whip by Jack Bentley Porter, Jr. Walker seems more angry than hurt, and as Porter whips the belt a third time, Walker moves himself just enough and the belt catches Dan McCain in the forearm! Surprised at the sudden impact, McCain immediately releases Walker, and shouts at Porter for the misfire! Porter shouts right back, reminding McCain of their arrangement with a pointed finger jab to the chest.
Lance Decker: I would be careful jabbin’ that finger around if I were Jack Bentley Porter, that’s a crocodile he’s poking, not a lizard.
Jim King: Indeed. A gentlemen’s agreement hardly stands if the parties involved are not gentlemen.
Before this can develop, Rip Walker reenters the scene from behind, striking Dan McCain with a thick plank of wood! The wood snaps over McCain’s back, sending him stumbling, and Walker moves right past to grab Jack Bentley Porter by the collar, and drag him into a belly-to-belly suplex! The thin straws of hay offer little protection on the hardwood floors, as Porter strikes on the floor with a THUD. Rolling in agony, Porter rolls to the door marked ‘KITCHEN’, and ducks into it, letting the door swing closed behind him. As Walker starts to follow, McCain intercepts him with one half of the plank of wood, swung right into the chest of Walker! He picks Walker up with a body slam, and hits it hard! Walker swipes, grabbing the other half of the plank of wood, and swings, catching McCain on the shoulder! McCain rolls away, as Walker rolls to his feet, and a standoff ensures, both men armed with half of a plank of wood. From the kitchen doorway, Jack Bently Porter, Jr, peers out, quietly watching the two. An impromptu sword fight begins!
Jim King: A fencing joust! Huzzah!
Lance Decker: Not quite, Jim.
McCain thrusts with his wood, but Walker parries it, catching McCain with a shoulder block, before nailing him in the face with his wood! McCain goes down! Rather than go for the pinfall, Walker spies Porter watching from the kitchen, and throws his wood at him! I swear to god none of this was supposed to sound like an innuendo. Porter avoids the thrown instrument, retreating into the kitchen, and Walker follows! Walker kicks in the kitchen door-
DONG
-And Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, catches him off-guard with a saucepan! Rip Walker moved at the last possible second, taking the hit to the shoulder instead of the head, where it would’ve surely been a knockout blow, but crikey that hurts!
Lance Decker: It was a trick! Jack Bentley Porter lured Rip Walker in, and nailed him with a cast-iron saucepan!
With Rip Walker reeling, Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, drags him further into the kitchen, where he throws him into the pantry cupboard, before slamming the door on his head! As Walker reels, Porter grips Walker in a powerbomb, lifts him up, and throws him onto the kitchen table! Which doesn’t break, though the wood sure does splinter. He grips him by the neck, and hits a sliding neckbreaker off the table onto the hardwood floor! He makes the cover!
One!
Two!
Kickout! Rip Walker kicks out!
Hissing, Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, drags Rip Walker by the foot out of the kitchen, back in the communal area - just in time for Dan McCain to very nearly wallop him with a lariat that he avoids at the very last second. Porter scowls, while McCain throws his hands up in a half-hearted apology. Porter shoves Walker’s foot into McCain’s grasp, gesturing for him to do something about it. McCain bites his tongue, picking up Walker in a fireman’s carry and taking him through the door marked ‘WASHROOM.’ With little wasted time, he drops Walker with a death valley driver across one of the wall-mounted sinks of the washroom! It shatters underneath Walker, damaging the plumbing and causing a cascade of water to spew forth from its pipes! Unbeknownst, Porter follows the two inside, watching from the sidelines as McCain drags Walker underneath the waterfall, unloading a barrage of punches into Walker’s face.
Lance Decker: That’s an unenviable position to be in, if I’ve ever seen one.
Dan McCain strikes Rip Walker’s head against the tiled floor, dragging him away from the waterfall long enough to make a cover!
One!
T-Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, rushes forward and drags McCain off of the cover! The two argue! Porter reminds McCain of the deal they made, slapping him across the face! McCain looks pretty pissed off, but steps aside, gesturing to Porter to make the cover. Smug, Porter takes a step forward-
Only for Dan McCain to suddenly strike, catching Jack Bentley Porter Jr with the Collision Course! Sending Porter flying through the air, crashing into one of the stalls, and against a toilet! For added effect, McCain spits on him.
Jim King: Dan McCain turns on Jack Bentley Porter! Nuts to the agreement!
Lance Decker: You’ve been picking up on our colloquialisms, I see.
Dan McCain goes to pick up Rip Walker, but slips on the running water - which allows Walker to take him by surprise in a running tackle! He tackles McCain out of the washroom, back into the common area! The two roll across the hay, both landing one of the support pillars. Walker bangs McCain’s head against the wooden beam, once, twice! He goes to lock in The Ripper, but McCain blocks it! He’s trying to overpower Walker to prevent the hold being locked in, but Walker is slowly winning the standoff! In desperation, McCain switches tactics, and grabs something hanging off the hook of the support pillar - it’s a gaslamp! He swings and cracks it over Walker’s skull! Reeling, Walker breaks the hold, blood spurting from his forehead!
Dan McCain makes the cover!
One!
Two!
Kickout! Rip Walker kicks out!
Dan McCain grabs Rip Walker by the belt, lifting him to his feet, and goes for One For The Road! But Walker struggles, managing to curtail out of it, and stumbles away, to the ladder heading towards the alcove. McCain charges, Walker catches him with a flapjack, and McCain crashes through the ladder! He goes for The Ripper again!
But McCain grabs one of the wooden shards from the broken ladder, and drags it across Walker’s arm - and Walker reels back, his arm now stuck with a dozen jagged splinters! Yeouch!
Lance Decker: It’s not thumbtacks, but it’s equally cringeworthy, if not more!
Swearing, Walker steps back - and is struck from behind! It’s Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, armed with a shovel! McCain slowly gets to his feet, only for Porter to stroke him in the chest with the shovel too! McCain rolls away, and Porter strikes Walker in the back twice more, beating him down to the ground! Tossing the shovel aside, Porter signals, and hits the Oil Drill! He makes the cover!
One!
Two!
Th-No?!? Dan McCain breaks the count!
Lance Decker: Dirty Dan saving the day for Rip Walker!
Jim King: Didn’t think I’d ever hear that sentence spoken.
Furious, Porter turns to McCain, already rolling away towards the door marked ‘EQUIPMENT.’ The same area where Porter got his shovel, most likely. Porter stalks McCain, ready to strike with the shovel again - but McCain blocks it with a weapon of his own! A pitchfork! He catches the wooden bar of the shovel between the prongs of the pitchfork, and shoves it out of Porter’s grasp! Not gonna lie, Porter looks like he’s shitting himself at the visual of Dan McCain advancing on him with a pitchfork. With a yell, McCain strikes, thrusting the pitchfork at Porter! Porter shrieks, but avoids impalement - instead, the pitchfork sinks into the wooden wall, trapping Porter’s wrist between the prongs and essentially nailing him to the wall!
Lance Decker: He’s stuck! Jack Bentley Porter is stuck to the wall!
Jim King: He might’ve gotten the better option, if that pitchfork was aimed a little bit to the left…
Dan McCain spits on Jack Bentley Porter’s shoes, turning his attention to Rip Walker - But Walker catches him with a headbutt, stunning McCain! Walker lifts McCain up on his shoulders! He roars, and hits the Let ‘Er Rip!
He makes the cover, staring directly at Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, inches away as he does so!
One!
Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, makes a mad motion to break the count!
Two!
But he’s unable to dislodge the pitchfork from the wall or free his wrist from between the prongs! Rip Walker laughs in victory!
THREE!
DING DING DING
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Jewels Duvall: Here is your winner… And the NEW, LCW Tristate Champion… Rip Walker!
Lance Decker: It was a wild, vicious brawl, but Rip Walker made his mark, and ensured we got off on the right foot here tonight!
The doors of the bunkhouse swing open, and a victorious Rip Walker makes his way out, grinning in victory. An irate and defeated Jack Bentley Porter, Jr, watches him leave with venom in his eyes, while Dan McCain slowly returns to life. Rip Walker is handed the LCW Tristate Championship, which he places on his shoulders, slapping the faceplate twice with a triumphant roar.
-=-=-=-
We cut to the parking lot-
Where we see a very nice swanky-looking black pickup truck pull into the drive and, after a beat. Out steps- Tommy Bedlam! Clad in a black leather jacket and ten-gallon hat, the current, reigning and defending LCW champion gets a MASSIVE INSANE pop from his home crowd, and why not? After all, his grandfather built this place; his father was arguably one of the greatest LCW champions of all time. His name is gold dust in this neck of the woods, and clearly, being at the promotion that was built on his family's blood is a little emotional for him,
Lance Decker: And there you see him folks, the LCW Champion, Tommy Bedlam, and boy I tell ya, I have all the respect in the world for that man right there, he's put his time, his money and his influence to bring his family's promotion back from the grave. Tell ya what, not everyone in this business would go out of their way to honor their family.
He squares his shoulders and walks forward, clearly taking in the memories of this place, so wrapped up in the moment he doesn't seems to notice ACE MANSON …on top of his car, wearing a black hood and tattered jeans…with a lead pipe in hand…that soon leaps off the top of the car…and SMASHES BEDLAM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!
Lance Decker: WHAT THE HELL?!
Bedlam hits the deck and Ace throws the pipe to the side and as soon as he does, out of the shadows come The Unstoppable Tai and JJ Walker! IT'S THE HOUSE OF HANDSOME! It's a familiar sight for LCW fans as they're giving Bedlam a signature House Of Handsome style beating! Bedlam tries to fight back, but he's clearly woozy, and it's a three-on-one mugging. The three have hoisted Bedlam up and dragged him back through the front door of the building! The camera pan shifts to the lobby now, a crowd of fans dispersing, and The Wall of Muscle that is "The Unstoppable" Tai throwing Bedlam shoulder first into a trash bin!! Bedlam torques in pain, looking back at his assaulter in anguish, showing some fight, throwing right hands to Tai, to Walker, To Ace. He's fighting back for all his-
CRAAAAAAAAAACK!
AND JUST LIKE THAT, THE SICK BASTARD, THE HANDSOME STRANGER, IS STANDING ABOVE BEDLAM WITH A FOLDING CHAIR HE JUST SLAMMED INTO HIS BACK. You can see fans exploding with heat, but the LCW legend just stands there, staring down at Bedlam with a small sneer playing on his scarred-up features.
The Handsome Stranger calmly tosses the chair aside as the rest of the HOH stands back, recognizing it's the leader's moment. As cold and as clinical as you like, The Handsome Stranger turns to a glass panel that lines the various seating group., the kind that separates one half from the other… and runs his hand along it, staring at his own reflection. Blinking and clearly enjoying himself, The Handsome Stranger turns back to Tommy Bedlam, and hauls him sluggishly up.
Tommy, reeling from that chair shot to the spine, can’t fight back as The Handsome Stranger grabs him by the neck. and stares into Tommy's eyes.
The Handsome Stranger: You've gone soft boy! You forgot. This is MY house! You hear me?! MY HOUSE.
THS turns, his hand on Bedlam's neck…
Lance Decker: Don’t – NO! DAMMIT, NO, YOU’D HAVE TO BE CR-
…AND HE CHUCKS TOMMY BEDLAM THROUGH THE PLATE GLASS WINDOW!!!
There are screams in the crowd. The window shatters with ease (Almost as if it was weakened deliberately before the show but that would mean wrestling is fake and...that's stupid) and Bedlam collapses in a pile of glass. The groans of horror echo around the building as THS just stares down at him with no emotion on his face as the rest of The House of Handsome smile, satisfied, THS just forms his forefinger and thumb in the shape of a gun, before miming blowing out "The smoke" from it, before he and the House of Handsome make tracks as we see a few folks in the background, with several officials and EMTs, as Rocco Sullivan checks on his friend.
???: …somebody, please…get some help…
???: Check his breathing…is he…okay, we have a pulse…
???: Bring the gurney over…
-=-=-=
Jewels Duvall: The following bout is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, your special guest referee, star of the hit 90’s sitcom ‘That’s Not My Uncle’, DANNY G. WILIKERS!
In the ring, a rather strung-out man in a rather oversized referee shirt waves. The audience flips him the bird, collectively, but I don’t think he notices.
Lance Decker: Jim, do you remember the hit 90’s show, ‘That’s Not My Uncle’?
Jim King: Of course no-
There’s the sound of someone’s shin being kicked.
Jim King: Of course I do.
Lance Decker: Well, we’re proud to have the former child actor of that show, Danny Wilikers, as the special guest referee in a cross-promotional event for the revival series of ‘That’s Not My Uncle’, coming soon on a network.
Jim King: Why is he the referee for this match?
Lance Decker: Would you want him as a referee for any other match?
Jim King: Good point.
Lance Decker: Regardless - Danny has spent most of the evening being taught the ins and outs of being a referee, so I trust he’ll call this right down the middle and enforce all rules and regulations to the best of his ability.
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A chorus of tepid boos echo throughout the arena, at the appearance of one of the most reviled men in LCW history. With his trusty gavel in his hand, Victor Hearstly barks some demands at the audience, his shrill voice echoing, as he approaches the ring.
Jewels Duvall: From Dallas, Texas… Weighing in at two-hundred and ninety-nine pounds… Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for ‘His Honorable’... ‘The Hanging Judge of LCW’... VICTOR HEARSTLY!
Lance Decker: LCW’s resident man of the law, with all the headaches it entails. A pompous, buffoon with delusions of power, time and time again Victor Hearstly has been beaten out of LCW, and time and time again he has, somehow, wormed his way back into a position on LCW’s staff. I honestly don’t know how.
Jim King: This time we do - it was at the behest of Davey Boy Rogers, who Hearstly tricked into trusting before revealing his true colors. The man took advantage of someone who wanted better, and we all suffer for it.
Victor Hearstly rolls into the ring, pointing with his gavel. Someone throws a drink at him. He immediately begins calling for that person to be kicked from the arena. The arena security pointedly don’t move a muscle.
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Jovial cheers erupt, as a grown man riding a pony on a stick whoops and hollers onto the stage.
Jewels Duvall: And his opponent… Weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-five pounds… ‘DEPUTY’ DAVEY BOY ROGERS!
Lance Decker: He’s a bit of a goober, but everyone seems to love Davey Boy Rogers. He’s a local, loveable kid without a bad bone in his body… But as they say, the road to hell and what it’s paved on…
Jim King: Davey Boy Rogers brought Victor Hearstly back. Hopefully, he can send him packing again.
Handing out toy badges to some kids at ringside, Davey Boy Rogers gently sets his horse toy down at ringside, before climbing into the ring and posing.
DING DING DING
The bell rings, and the two lock up. Instantly Victor Hearstly overpowers Davey Boy Rogers, utilizing his size and weight advantage to back the Deputy into a corner - at least until Rogers suddenly ducks, and Hearstly bonks face first into the corner. Rogers makes an ‘ole’ motion, as the Judge scowls, his face turning a beetroot red. In a huff, Hearstly charges, only for Rogers to not only avoid it, but strike out with a leg and trip the big man over. Before Hearstly can get back to his feet, Rogers quickly hops on his back and horserides him with a whoop!
Lance Decker: And there’s the comical, fun-loving nature of Davey Boy Rogers, that has endeared him to LCW’s finest… And caused some of the more aggressive members of the roster to do the opposite.
Jim King: Nothing divides the arena quite like horseplay.
Lance Decker: Pun intended?
Jim King: Pun intended.
Somehow, Victor Hearstly’s face gets even redder, as he bucks Davey Boy Rogers off in a fury, getting back to his feet with steam billowing out of his ears. He immediately floors Rogers with a lariat, stomping sloppy stomps into his midsection for… Quite a while. Usually the referee is supposed to tell him off, but special guest referee Danny G. Wilikers is just sort of… Vacantly watching. Rogers catches the Judge with a lucky strike to the jaw, sending him staggering away as Rogers uses the ropes to climb back to a vertical base. Hearstly charges, but Rogers ducks with a lowbridge with the ropes, sending Hearstly tumbling over the ropes to the outside of the ring. Rogers hyped up the crowd, and as Hearstly clambers back to his feet, Rogers hits the ropes on the opposite side of the ring, and… slides underneath, quickly vanishing underneath the ring apron.
Jim King: I say, what unorthodox approach is our resident Deputy playing at?
Lance Decker: He’s a technical marvel, Jim, and as creative as a camel.
Victor Hearstly is back on his feet, and whirls around in bewilderment at the lack of a Davey Boy Rogers diving at him like one would expect from this spot. He screeches to the referee, Danny G. Wilikers, about Roger’s absence. G. Wilikers shrugs. Suddenly, a pair of hands suddenly shoot out from underneath the ring apron by Hearstly, and before Hearstly can even react, he’s tugged off his feet and dragged underneath the ring, disappearing with a yelp under the apron!
Seconds pass, and soon, Davey Boy Rogers rolls out from underneath the apron, giggy and cheerful as he struts past ringside. After a few more seconds, Victor Hearstly rolls out from underneath the apron… With one of Roger’s toy badges stuck in his mouth and a dainty cowboy hat tied to his head.
Lance Decker: There it is.
Jim King: Ho ho! What a scamp.
Victor Hearstly spits out the badge in disgust, ripping off the cowboy hat and throwing it in the audience, to jeering. While preoccupied doing that, he is unprepared for Davey Boy Rogers sprinting off the steel steps and landing an uppercut right to Heartsly’s jaw! Wowzers! Hearstly stumbles to the announce desk, where Rogers leaps on his back in a rear naked choke. Flailing, Hearstly manages to grip Rogers by the head and throw him off onto the announce desk, sending Jim King’s precious pen collection scattering. Before Rogers can recover, Hearstly catches him with a sliding neckbreaker onto the floor! Grimacing, scowling, the Judge rolls back into the ring, slumping.
Jim King: My pen collection! I had that alphabetised!
Lance Decker: Not to overlook your writing utensil affliction, Jim, but with the action here, Davey Boy Rogers will have to get back into the ring before he is counted ou-... Actually, come to think of it, Jim, have you heard our referee start to count them out yet?
Indeed. As the seconds tick by, special guest referee extraordinaire Danny G. Wilikers just sort of… Vibes. Glancing between Rogers, Hearstly, and some git in the crowd with a vacant pair of eyes, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his shirt, Wilikers does absolutely nothing as the crowd chants numbers.
Jim King: I am starting to suspect that Danny G. Wilikers wasn’t entirely listening when he was told what his duties as the referee would be.
Victor Hearstly soon demands that Danny G. Wilikers start counting, gesturing towards Davey Boy Rogers. Wilikers shrugs.
“ONE!”
Rogers rolls back into the ring, and surprises Hearstly with a German suplex! He keeps the hold locked, and rolls over to hit another!
“TWO!”
Rogers hits a third!
“THREE!”
Rogers releases his grip.
“FOUR!”
Rogers politely informs Wilikers that he can stop counting now.
“Oh okay.”
Wilikers resumes vacantly staring at nothing.
Victor Hearstly grasps at the ropes, only for Davey Boy Rogers to grip him in a headlock, spinning into a rear waist lock, then another spin into another headlock. He’s technical, see. Utilizing his higher strength, Hearstly manages to get back to his feet despite Roger’s technical trickery - only for Rogers to suddenly change approaches and take him back down to the mat with a double-leg take down! Now he strikes at Hearstly with fists, as Hearstly feebly attempts to block them. Hearstly eventually manages to throw Rogers off, and Roger goes rolling, allowing Hearstly to get back to his feet. Roger approaches - kick to the gut, three-quarter facelock jawbreaker! The Peacemaker!
Lance Decker: The Peacemaker! Davey Boy Rogers borrowing from the moveset of his classic career-spanning arch rival, ‘Pistol’ Pete Holliday!
Alas, before Davey Boy Rogers can make the cover, Victor Hearstly rolls out of the ring. Probably would’ve been a three count. Maybe. With a sigh, Rogers follows, exiting the ring to grip Hearstly by his sweaty, sweat head and roll him back into the ring. He climbs onto the apron, then onto the turnbuckle, and motions for the Red River Moonsault! He turns, and dives!
But Hearstly gets the knees up! Rogers hits nothing but knees! Both are down and out!
Soon, after a period of recovery, the Judge and the Deputy climb back to their feet. Victor Hearstly charges, catching Davey Boy Rogers with a crushing body splash into the corner! He then throws Rogers across the ring like an unwanted toy, catching him with a spinebuster! Rather than make the cover, he signals for the end, and goes for the Malfeasance Misconduct! But Rogers swivels, wriggling out of it with a jawbreaker, and darts behind Hearstly to lock in a rear naked choke! In the middle of the ring, Hearstly reaches for the ropes, stumbling, but Rogers suddenly breaks the hold, kicks Hearstly in the back of the leg, sending him to his knees, then reapplies the hold!
Lance Decker: Davey Boy Rogers with a tightly-locked in rear naked chokehold, and far from any of the ropes! Victor Hearstly may have to tap here!
Victor Hearstly struggles, but acquiesces, tapping out!
Nothing happens.
Not hearing the bell ring, Rogers and Hearstly both glance over at special ultra guest referee numbero uno, Danny G. Wilikers, who idly chews on a piece of gum. He blinks twice.
Jim King: … I don’t know what else I expected.
Confused, Rogers loosens the hold, and that’s enough for Hearstly to strike! In desperation, Hearstly kicks out, and catches Rogers with a boot square in the groin! A gasp rings through the crowd! A low blow, blatant and obvious! Attention turns to Danny G. Wilikers once again, who…
… Coughs, but does absolutely nothing.
Lance Decker: … Why did we hire a washed out, drugged-out-of-his-mind former child actor to be the referee?
Jim King: Corporate synergy.
Lance Decker: Ah.
In bewilderment, Victor Hearstly glances at the blank-faced Danny G. Wilikers, then at the doubled-over Davey Boy Rogers, then back at Wilikers. Maintaining complete eye contact, Hearstly boots Rogers in the coinpurse once again. Wilikers makes an ‘ouch that’s gotta hurt’ expression of sympathy, before reverting right back to his neutral, glazed-over appearance. Laughing, Hearstly turns to Rogers, clearly aiming for a third boot to the ol' dusty trail, but Rogers surprises him with a kick of his own to the yambags! Both wrestlers are stunned, groaning in distress, clutching their respective family jewels. What an image.
Lance Decker: It’s safe to assume that this is not a match that will be high on the rewatch list, Jim.
Jim King: … I don’t know about th-
Lance Decker: It’s also safe to assume Danny G. Wlikers is going to get his ass beat from either of these wrestlers, or if we’re lucky, the entire locker room once we head to the back.
Jim King: Oh, I can agree with that one.
As the two eventually recover, Davey Boy Rogers catches Victor Hearstly in a belly-to-belly suplex! Hearstly is thrown across the ring! Rogers follows with a sprinting rolling elbow to the dome, sending Hearstly staggering! He charges in, but Hearstly catches him with a sidewalk slam! He climbs back to his feet, and hits a standing splash! He goes for a pin, but Rogers is able to maneuver out of it, to the apron. Hearstly reaches over the ropes, looking to grab and throw him back in the ring with a suplex, but Rogers blocks it, catching Hearstly with a jawbreaker over the ropes, sending him staggering. Rogers absconds to the turnbuckle, and dives with a crossbody - but Hearstly catches him, and plans him with a powerslam! Hearstly makes the cover!
One!
Two!
Three!
... Four!
... Five.
... Six.
Victor Hearstly stares at Danny G. Wilikers. Danny stares right back, motionless, not counting or anything. A fly buzzes into his mouth with nary a reaction. Scowling, Hearstly breaks the cover, getting back to his feet and grabbing Wilikers by his shitty referee shirt, infuriated.
“COUNT. TO THREE. YOU AIRHEADED BUFFOON.”
“Easy man, right on, I gotchu. One, two, th-”
“WHEN I HAVE HIS SHOULDERS PINNED TO THE MAT. YOU GODAMNED MAROON.”
As he shakes Wilikers like a chew toy, Victor Hearstly doesn't see Rogers crawling from behind! Suddenly, Rogers strikes with a schoolboy rollup! Pinning Hearstly’s shoulders to the mat!
“Like that?”
Rogers confirms with a nod. Danny G. Wilikers starts the count! holy shit.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout! Victor Hearstly kicks out!
Lance Decker: With the first bit of actual officiating by our referee, Davey Boy nearly had this one won!
Scrambling to his feet, Hearstly walks right into a Snake In My Boot from Rogers, stunning him! Then another! A third to complete the trifecta! Hairstyle goes down to his corner, scrambling. Rogers picks him up, going for the Badge of Honor! But Hearstly strikes him with something concealed in his fist - it’s his judge gavel! Rogers falls to a knee, stunned, and Hearstly grabs him in a double choke! Lifts, and hits the Malfeasance Misconduct! He makes the cover, glaring at Danny G. Wilikers as he makes the count!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Lance Decker: Mercifully, this one is over.
Jewels Duvall: Here is your winner, 'His Honorable' Judge Victor Hearstly!
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Rising to his feet, Victor Hearstly pats himself on the back, sweat dripping down his body. Smug, proud of himself, he shoves Danny G. Wilikers to the floor (to a pop, much to his surprise, guess that was supposed to be a heel bit) as he climbs out of the ring, making his way up the back.
Jim King: Law and order have survived another day in LCW, despite Roger's best efforts, and Victor Hearstly manages to continue being a thumbtack in the backside of us all.
Lance Decker: Some things never change, Jim.
-=-=-=-
We cut to backstage, where there’s… Commotion. Lots of it, officials and agents surround the medical room as Rocco Sulivan is holding court, pacing back and forward.
Rocco Sullivan: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. GOD DAMN IT, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BASTARD WOULD TRY AND PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS!
Sighing to himself, he walks over to one of the agents and speaks urgently
Rocco Sullivan: Tommy's in no condition to compete tonight, we need to get him to the hospital, we'll put up a replacement main event but for no-
???: ORDER! ORDER I SAY!
Rocco Sullivan: Oh, god no.
Rocco closes his eyes and groans slightly, as the man with the most punchable face in LCW history Judge Victor Hearstly strolls on into the scene with a gavel in one hand and a big ol' smug smile on his face, still particularly sweaty from his match, a towel strung over his shoulders.
Judge Victor Hearstly: DID SOMEONE ASK FOR A JUDGE?!
Rocco Sullivan: ....No?
Judge Victor Hearstly: Then, LUCKY YOU FOR COURT IS IN SESSION! NEVER FEAR THE HONORABLE JUDGE IS HERE! And, I couldn't help but notice you had quite a massive predicament here, and as the lone voice of the law in these troubled times, it's my duty-NAY. My calling to restore reason to proceedings. Am I a hero? Hero is such a big word; I feel I should just leave that question to the history book an-
Rocco Sullivan: Can we just skip to whatever bullshit you're trying to peddle this time?
Judge Victor Hearstly: As far as I understand it, Tommy Bedlam entered a legally binding contract to defend his title tonight against a very handsome stranger, and just because he was a clumsy little cowboy and tripped and fell into a window.
Rocco Sullivan: He was thrown through it by The Handsome Stranger!
Judge Victor Hearstly: Circumstantial! Hearsay!
Rocco Sullivan: What are you talk-
Judge Victor Hearstly: OBJECTION OVERRULED! SILENCE IN THE COURT! I AM THE LAW, AND I WILL BE HEARD!
Rocco Sullivan: ...
Judge Victor Hearstly: Ah-hem...In any case, I see no reason why the main event can't go ahead and should a Bedlam be unable to compete probably, due to being such a pampered big FWA star who has forgotten his roots, he will forfeit the title.
Rocco Sullivan: Oh you gotta be kidding m-
Judge Victor Hearstly: COURT IS DISMISSED! I'M BANGING MY GAVEL! THAT MAKES IT OFFICIAL. I'M A JUDGE! I KNOW THESE THINGS.
We fade back to the ring…
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There’s a polite pop at the arrival of one of the longtime journeymen of Texas, Tex Hollis, who true to form forgoes the pomp and circumstance in favor of a confident march to the ring, head held high.
Jewels Duvall: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the LCW Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, one half of the challengers… Weighing in at two-hundred and eighty pounds… TEX HOLLIS!
Lance Decker: This, ladies and gentlemen, in a recognizable face. Tex Hollis, a man who has fought in every Texas federation to count, he may not have the most victorious career but this heart and loyalty he has to his home state is second to none.
Jim King: He has a chance to finally put an accolade on his career, as he teams up with his student tonight to take on the Serpent’s Den and perhaps gain a measure of revenge after they defaced his tattoo parlor. That's right folks - this one is personal.
Tex Hollis climbs into the ring, throwing a fist into the air. It’s the only bit of pageantry he does, but it gets a notable cheer, nonetheless.
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The pop continues, as Calamity Jane strolls her way out of the curtain, cracking her knuckles with a smile that says ‘I’mma kick some ass.’ She strolls to the ring, taking the time to chat with a fan at ringsi-is that Daphne Shelly? … Huh. Small world.
Jewels Duvall: And his tag team partner… Weighing in at one hundred and twenty-four pounds… CALAMITY JANE!
Lance Decker: This is someone with a bright future ahead of them, Jim. Calamity Jane, a homegrown brawler with outlaw blood, someone who can be relied on for justice.
Jim King: Plus I hear she can hold a really good tune in the saloon. I’ll have to ask Sam about it. Tex Hollis’ star pupil, with all the potential in the world, Calamity Jane might be the difference maker tonight.
Calamity Jane rolls into the ring, nodding gamely at Tex Hollis, ready to back him up. The two throw a fist up, again, the pageantry isn’t there but the effort is appreciated nevertheless.
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A sea of boos and jeering ring out, as two men enter through the curtain LCW Tag Team Championships around their waists. Jack Parrish sneers at his opponents, while Mason Jenkins stares down some of the audience, successful in intimidating them, as they approach the ring.
Jewels Duvall: And their opponents… With a combined weight of four-hundred and thirty-five pounds… They are the LCW Tag Team Champions… ‘Cocalico’ Jack Parrish and Mason Jenkins… THE SERPENT’S DEN!
Lance Decker: And here come two of the meanest sons of guns I’ve ever seen. Jack Parrish, Mason Jenkins, a pair of conniving violent snakes, eager to expand their reach across LCW.
Jim King: They always seem to have an answer, they always seem to have an out, they always seem to have a plan, when it comes to being a step ahead of the game. It would be admirable if they weren’t so… foul.
Jack Parrish & Mason Jenkins climb into the ring, Parrish staring down at his opponents dismissively, while Jenkins stares them down hungrily. To their credit, Hollis & Jane refuse to budge, as the titles are handed off to the referee.
DING DING DING
As the match begins, Jack Parrish and Calamity Jane start this out for their teams, Parrish waving Mason Jenkins to the apron, while Jane insists to Tex Hollis that she’ll start this one. The two circle each other, before locking up, jockeying for position. Parrish gets the advantage, with the height and weight advantage, pushing Jane and sending her stumbling. Parrish gloats, scoffing, so Jane gets right back up and punches him in the mouth! The crowd roars in approval as Jane catches Parrish off-guard with a trio of hooks to the jaw, a knee to the stomach, and an uppercut to the chin! Retreating to the ropes, Parrish is whipped across the ring, and Jane catches him on rebound with a back body drop! As he rises back to his feet, he catches Jane with a knee to the gut, and throws her to the ropes. He goes for a back body drop of his own, but Jane counters it into a sunset flip!
ONE! TWO! THREE! NEW CHAM-
Nah I’m jerking your chain, he kicked out at one.
Jim King: Imagine if Calamity Jane scored the victory within the first minute…
Lance Decker: She may have the least amount of experience in the ring compared to the others in this match, but Calamity Jane nearly scored one over the tag team champion! Experience matters, but sometimes that surprise shot matters just as much, if not more.
Parrish & Jane scramble to their feet, and Parrish clocks Jane with a hard left, before tacking her down with a neckbreaker. He tags in Mason Jenkins, while Jane tags in Tex Hollis. The big men of the match enter, facing off with gusto. Jenkins has the height advantage while Hollis has the weight advantage, creating a unique dichotomy between the two. Hollis charges in to strike Jenkins with a shoulder block. It doesn’t take Jenkins down, and Jenkins responds with a shoulder block of his own. This also fails to take Hollis down, the two evenly matched insofar. Hollis goes for another shoulder block strike, but Jenkins catches him with a lariat! A thick meaty lariat by surprise, sending Hollis stumbling to a corner. Jenkins charges with a big body block, but Hollis moves out of the way, Jenkins hits the corner, and Hollis nails a big body block of his own!
Jim King: I say, I do declare that Tex Hollis & Mason Jenkins seem frighteningly closely matched - The two big bruisers of their respective teams equalizing each other out in a war of attrition.
Lance Decker: Couldn’t have said it better myself Jim.
Tex Hollis drags Mason Jenkins over to his corner, tagging in Calamity Jane. Hollis holds Jenkins in an abdominal stretch, while Jane bounces off the ropes, gaining speed, before nailing a running thrust kick to Jenkin’s midsection! Hollis exits the ring while Jane continues the offensive on Jenkins, utilizing quick strikes to keep Jenkins at bay. Despite undersized, Jane’s power in her strikes rattle the bigger man, but he doesn’t fall from his feet. Jane’s confidence gets the best of her, as she goes for a running lariat only to get caught and crushed with a spinning Black Hole Slam!
Lance Decker: Mason Jenkins catching Calamity Jane with one hell of an equalizer there. Perhaps Jane got ahead of herself and paid the price.
Not bothering with a pin cover, Mason Jenkins seems more interested in just dishing out punishment, which as anyone who knows Mason can confirm, it’s what he loves to do best. He slaps Jane around with some ground punches and stomps, nothing fancy but it’s effective. He drags Jane over to his partner, makes the tag to Jack Parrish, and The Serpent’s Den batter Jane with ugly, ugly strikes, before hitting her with a running knee/running forearm combo! Parrish makes the cover, but nets only a brief two count.
Jim King: Smashing combination of teamwork there, simply smashing.
Jack Parrish clubbers Calamity Jane with some overhead blows, before going for the Serpent’s Snare! But Jane has the ring awareness to maneuver to the ropes before it’s locked in, and subsequently make the tag to Tex Hollis. Hollis comes in with a stiff lariat to Parrish, following it up with a Snake Eyes/Powerslam combo that has Parrish scrambling to make the tag to Mason Jenkins - but Hollis cuts him off with a flapjack, transitioning into an almighty bear hug! Amazing! Wowzers! The crowd is on their feet! Bearhugs are fucking amazing!
Lance Decker: A BEAR HUG! BY GAWD TEX HOLLIS WITH THE BEAR HUG!
See? Bear hugs are cool. Unfortunately Parrish fights out not with strength and honor but a thumb to the eye, the fiend, and makes the tag to Mason Jenkins. Temporarily blinded, Tex Hollis is unable to mount a proper defense, leaving Jenkins & Parrish to take him down with a double slingshot suplex! Jenkins makes the cover, only getting a long two count.He transitions into outright choking Tex Hollis, as the ref admonishes him, but ultimately breaks it before the five count, before going right back to it.
Jim King: Such an uncouth approach, I hesitate to approve of such roughhousing, Lance.
As the referee finally forces Mason Jenkins to back off, Tex Hollis manages to climb back to his feet using the ropes - only for Jack Parrish to clubber him from the apron behind the referee’s back! Boo! Hiss! Jenkins takes advantage, grabbing Hollis in an Iron Claw Grip, transitioning into a spinebuster! He makes the cover! One! Two! Calamity Jane runs in to break it up. As Jane retreats to the apron, Jenkins switches to a bear hug of his own! The crowd is conflicted! Jenkins’ bear hug is done with more tightness, and as an added effect of discomfort, Jenkins digs his fingernails into the back of Hollis! Seeing this, the crowd boos - That may be a bear hug but it’s surely a dishonorable one!
Lance Decker: ANOTHER BEAR HUG! But this one with a widely more painful technique, that separates your average crowd-pleasing bear hug from that of a cold-hearted killer.
Tex Hollis flails in dismay, struggling, as Calamity Jane cheers him on from the apron. Hollis claps Mason Jenkins’ ears with a pair of open palm strikes, forcing the hold to release! Hollis ducks under a lariat, hits a knee, and nails a double-underhook powerbomb! Amazing show of power! Hollis stumbles to his corner, and makes the hot tag to Calamity Jane while Jenkins rolls to his corner and tags in Jack Parrish! Fresh with energy, Jane takes the fight to Parrish with a pair of lariats, culminating with a Michinoku Driver! She makes the pin cover, but Parrish is too close to the ropes, forcing a break. She drags him back to the middle of the ring, only for Parrish to kick her off, and catch her with a snap DDT! He makes the cover! One! Kickout at one!
Jim King: A kickout at one!
Furious, Jack Parrish signals for his patented trapped elbows, but Calamity Jane avoids the blows, pushing Parrish to the ropes - where he butts heads with Mason Jenkins! Stunned, Parrish turns - and Jane catches him with a dropkick to the knee, sending him to his knees! She signals for the Dead Man’s Hand! Jenkins enters the ring to stop it, only for Tex Hollis to enter as well and intercept! Tex Hollis hits the Fisherman's Buster on Mason Jenkins! Calamity Jane hits the Dead Man’s Hand on Jack Parrish! She hooks the leg!
One!
Two!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
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Jewels Duvall: Here are your winners, and the NEW LCW Tag Team Champions… Tex Hollis, and Calamity Jane!
Tex Hollis is rather subdued in his celebration, while Calamity Jane whoops and hollers, and the two are handed the tag titles. Jane holds hers up to Hollis, and after a brief pause, he ‘clinks’ his against hers, cracking a wry smile.
Lance Decker: It took decades, but finally, Tex Hollis has a crown to call his own. He may never step foot outside of Texas, but in these halls, he is a king.
Jim King: And he has Calamity Jane to thank for it - The rookie may have been the least experienced but she pulled through when duty called for it. My congratulations to our new tag team champions!
-=-=-=-
The camera cuts to a graphic of LCW, a revamped version of the famous logo brought to you by the near-limitless production value of your friends and mine at the FWA graphic department.
The logo stays static on the screen for a few moments before we begin to hear a strange sound getting louder and louder.
Brrzzzzzzzzt......
Brzzzzzzzt....
BRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT-!!!!
And just like that, the animated LCW is cut down the middle by little animated chainsaws, the two halves split apart to reveal hiding behind it, the maple leaf of Canada as "The Lumberjack" by Jackyl starts to play as text appears.
THE LUMBERJACKS
COMING TO LCW
SOON
Lance Decker: Big news coming hot off the presses! Rocco Sulivan has negotiated a talent exchange with FWA and has gotten one hell of a shot in the arm in our tag ranks.
Jim King: Oh, Goody. Just what we need around these parts, more chainsaw-wielding lunatics.
We fade back in at ringside, joining LCW announcer Jewels Duvall.
Jewels Duvall: The following contest, is THE GOLD RUSH Elimination match!
Mild pop-!
Jewels Duvall: This match is a four-way elimination match, with each elimination being obtained under different circumstances. The first elimination will be via submission. Once there are three remaining, the next elimination will occur via pinfall. And the final elimination, once the last two men are remaining, can only be obtained via knockout. The last man standing after all others have been eliminated will receive the chance to challenge anyone in any match at any time, for up to one year.
A brief pause to reset until-
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The vibes in the area suddenly get a lot darker and more sinister as Plagra Negra sprays back the curtain and gives way to his equally intimidating walk.
Jewels Duvall: Introducing first… Weighing in at two-hundred and forty-one pounds… PLAGRA NEGRA!
Lance Decker: Here comes the big masked monster from Mexico. I can only imagine what this pillar of power has been doing ever since LCW has had their last show...my guess, nothing good but I believe my partner would have a better idea...
Jim King: Indeed! Let us not forget, that it was I, Gentleman Jim King, who first brought Plagra Negra into LCW. I was, as you know, quite the talent scout in my managing days..and I can tell you, I think we're looking at the winner right now.
Plagra Negra stomps down the ramp, flexing his massive arms as he goes, stepping over the top rope and roaring at the crowd once he's inside.
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The mood picks up ever so slightly as the groovy tune of ‘She Drives Me Crazy’ hits the sound system, signaling the arrival of none other than Cute AF Cowboy, who walks out with all the cocky flair in the world and a self-serving grin on his face.
Jewels Duvall: Weighing in at one-hundred and eighty-three pounds… CUTE AF COWBOY!
Lance Decker: He calls himself ‘the cutest wrestler in the world’ and while that's… debatable, what isn't is his confidence, he might surely be an upcoming star in LCW.
Jim King: ...What does AF stand for?
Lance Decker: I believe it stands for 'And Fun.'
Jim King: Oh! Well, Lance, I think you're wise AF.
Lance Decker: Thanks Jim.
Cute AF Cowboy makes his way to the ring, soaking up the extra heat he's getting for looking like a douche. He rolls into the ring and hits a few poses, really playing to the LCW camera, fully aware he's performing in front of a worldwide audience.
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After "Isolated" by Sub Urban plays for 11 seconds, The Gentleman comes out leading Linus "Chainsaw" Badger with, you guessed it, his trusty chainsaw in his hands. Linus lets out loud, happy grunts, as he holds his chainsaw in the air and the fans, his "friends", all clap and cheer for him along with The Gentleman.
Jewels Duvall: Accompanied to the ring by The Gentleman… From Austin, Texas… Weighing in at three hundred pounds… LINUS ‘CHAINSAW’ BADGER!
Jim King: Urg..
Lance Decker: I'll tell you what. When you have Linus Badger in the ring, you're not going to see a lot of armdrags or a lot of work rate, but this guy is practically unstoppable. How do you put down a man who feels no pain?!?
Jim King: That man is no gentleman! There's only one gentleman here and he's here! The gall! The nerve!
The Gentleman gets into the ring through the ropes as Linus wriggles his way under the bottom rope. Once in the ring, Linus swings his chainsaw above his head and revs it as The Gentleman throws his hands in the air with a smile on his face. Linus hands the chainsaw to The Gentleman, who holds it at ringside for the entire match.
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It's a big time pop for one of the returning icons of LCW as "The Dragon" Tadamasa Yamada who rushes through the corner, looking somewhat taken aback by the reaction he's getting before stalking down the ramp with a focused look on his face
Jewels Duvall: And, from Japan… Weighing in at one hundred and eighty-nine pounds… ‘THE TEXAS DRAGON’... TADAMASA YAMADA!
Lance Decker: It's the return of the dragon! One of the first people on call when we were getting the band back together but you gotta wonder, are his kicks still sharp? Is he quick as he ever was? We're about to find out.
Tadamasa Yamada rolls into the ring, barking to the timekeeper to ring the bell, no wasted time. The timekeeper obliges, and this match is underway!
DING DING DING
The first fall is up, and it's a submission match, not something that any of the four wrestlers seem to have much experience, maybe unsurprisingly. The big man Plagra Negra begins to take over, running roughshod over his three opponents
But as he tries to wrap his massive arms around Yamada's neck, his experience shows, and Yamada trips up Plagra and applies a sharpshooter, but Negra's massive legs are too big and powerful, and Negra kicks Yamada off, and he goes flying and once he bounces up. BOOM, BIG BOOT TO THE FACE FROM PLAGRA NEGRA-!
Negra punishes Yamada, throwing him outside sending him through the steel steps, following up by picking him up in a spine-buster position...runs forward and slams him into the steps.
Meanwhile, in the ring, Cute AF Cowboy is squaring off with Linus Badger, and the story being told is quite obvious; the Cute one is quite clearly technically gifted, but no matter what is being done, Linus just absorbs the blows like nothing. On paper, Cowboy is doing all he can, and Badger, not being the brightest bulb in the draw, just stands there looking emotionally wounded that someone so cute would want to hurt him so. Clearly, Cowboy is getting annoyed. He throws a punch? No effect, trying to get him up for a suplex? He can't lift up the big man. Eventually, Cowboy says screw it and goes to run off the rope to go for some kind of running attack and SPLAT-! It's like a watermelon exploding against a brick wall. Cowboy stumbles up and runs right into a series of slow and sloppy clotheslines. Is Badger a good worker in the purest sense of the word? No, but the raw power behind these simplistic blows would have knocked out a lesser man, but Cowboy is out on his feet and like he was made of paper, Badger gets him in the CUDDLY FRIENDSHIP HUG!! Badger spins him around as The Cowboy starts screaming in horrible pain, as the raw power in Badger's grip cracks his spine, and he quickly taps out.
Still cute, though.
SUBMISSION ELIMINATION: CUTE AF COWBOY
Badger doesn't let go of the hug at first, not even as Cowboy goes limp, passing out from the pain; why would he? He's enjoying time with his friend. Eventually, The Gentleman gets his attention telling him, "Cowboy is very sleepy and has taken a nap", so Badger happily drops him to the mat, where the ref rolls him out, and we start the next fall, which is decided by PINFALL-! Yes, exciting stuff.
With Yamada out of commission for the moment, the masked monster climbs into the ring and battles with Badger; that's right...IT'S A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HOSS FIGHT!
Punch after the punch is being exchanged, and while The big man's blows are staggering Linus, once again, he seems to be absorbing them...However, unlike with the Cowboy, Nega can pick him up and eventually launches Badger over his head with a standing belly to belly...BUT BADGER GETS BACK UP, NO SELLING IT.
Befuddled, Negra smacks Badger with a big boot...AND AGAIN, BADGER GETS RIGHT TO HIS FEET. Pissed off, now Negra gets in a backbreaker position and slams him against his knee and pops him up and hits a backbreaker again...and again....and again, and that finally seems to keep Badger down.
Negra seems to settle into a rhythm of slamming down and bullying Badger with various powerhouse moves, but thanks to his near supernatural tolerance for pain, Badger is able to stick with it and starts to fight back; he takes a mad scrambling run towards Negra, which leaves himself open to a Powerbomb from Negra. Negra gets back to his feet-
DRAGON'S BREATH-!
Out of nowhere, Tadamasa Yamada delivers the roundhouse kick to the big man. Negra goes down...and Badger rolls an arm over his torso as Yamada crumbles back onto the mat-still selling the effects of the Negra attack....1-2-3!!
PINFALL ELIMINATION: PLAGRA NEGRA
And then there were two the two men recover, and a thrilling climax ensues; We’re into the knockout phase of the match, where the only way to win is to, well, knock your opponent out at the referee’s discretion. Yamada delivers an Asai moonsault to the outside onto Badger… but Badger catches him in midair and hurls him into the post!
That really sets the tone for this last fall… Speed vs Power. Yamada is as sharp as a knife, Badger is as blunt as a hammer. Even Yamada's sharp kicks are absorbed by the big man. Yamada goes for the spinning roundhouse… But Badger ducks under and catches Yamada by the throat-! He follows with an elbow drop, looking to knock Yamada out any way possible!
On the behest of the gentleman, Badger whips him into the rope and on the return, the palm of his hand goes down for the dreaded bedtime- but Yamada replies with a flying forearm!!
AND THEN HE KIPS UP!!
Yamada fires up, taking over, delivering several of his infamous deadly kicks, which seems to be finally having an effect; Yamada snaps behind him-AND STACKS HIM UP WITH A GERMAN, RIGHT ONTO THE BACK OF BADGER’S HEAD!
BUT HE’S STILL ALIVE!
Badger survives, as it becomes clear just how much victory means to both; Yamada looks exhausted, and he hauls Badger and ends up getting headbutted! Quick sloppy lariat, more to buy time than anything.
Yamada bounces up, but Badger is on him wildly swinging on him; he winds up for the Bedtime Story-
DRAGON BREATH!!!
Badger leaves himself open, and that split second was all Yamada needs, but Badger is still on his feet!
ANOTHER DRAGON'S BREATH-!!!
BADGER IS STILL ON HIS FEET! He's staggered and clearly out on his feet; Yamada stares at him almost in disbelief before HITTING ANOTHER DRAGON'S BREATH! and Badger is down! The lights are off! Nobody is home! He’s down for the count!
KNOCKOUT ELIMINATION: LINUS BADGER
DING DING DING
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Jewels Duvall: Here is your winner… ‘THE TEXAS DRAGON’ TADAMASA YAMADA!
Lance Decker: He does it! Tadamasa Yamada does it! It took three Dragon’s Breath kicks to knock Linus Badger out, two more than any other man in history, but Yamada persevered! And now, Tasamada Yamada can challenge anyone in LCW to a match at his own time, an open contract against whomever he chooses. Champion, rival, anyone on the roster is fair game.
Jim King: And I must say, Lance, hats off to Linus Badger. He’s a rough, tough son of a bitch that scares the bejezus out of me, but the tremendous heart and strength here tonight is downright impressive - you mentioned it before that you believe Linus has a strong future ahead of him, and while tonight wasn’t his night, I’m certain his night will come in due time.
Having survived this war, albeit barely and having to dig into the well to knock out Linus Badger, Tadamasa Yamada huffs, spent, but victorious, as his hand is raised by the referee. Linus Badger is out of it, as The Gentlemen encouragingly pats him on the shoulder, applauding him for having done so well. Then, just like that, Badger sits back up, dizzy, confused. The Gentlemen calmly guides him out of the ring, while Tadamasa Yamada watches him go, stunned that the monster is awake once again already.
-=-=-
???: So anyway, that's when I pushed Macaulay Culken down the stairs.
The camera opens up to see former child star Danny G. Wilkers backstage, leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. Clearly proud of himself for his officiating tonight, trying to hold court to a bunch of people that seem either uninterested or actively pissed off, he's managed to ruin one of the matches tonight. Admittedly one that very few were looking forward to, but still.
Danny G. Wilikers: This is just a side gig for me. I'm working on getting my film career on track, I'm writing, producing, directing and starring in this movie, I'm working on; it's about this guy who's a prisoner, but he asks the warden if he can leave...and the warden just says "ok" and he just leaves. And that's it. That's the movie. I'm going to call it ‘The Shawshank Exception.’ Just need to get ahead of this weird old man, Stephan King...who keeps threatening to take me to court an-
???: Excuse me, sir?
Danny looks up, utterly stunned and shocked that someone wanted to interrupt him.
???: Aren't you, Danny G. Willkers?
Danny G. Wilikers: Heh. That's right, I am. You want my autograph?
???: Not really.
Danny G. Wilikers: Oh...
???: I was just told that management wants you to leave...like now...Pretty much....everyone is pissed at you. Like… everyone.
Danny G. Wilikers: Oh, come on, it can't be that bad-
???: They're passing out torches and pitchforks backstage.
Danny G. Wilikers: Well, clearly, they want to throw me a Tiki party; how dare you ruin the surprise.
???: Look, I'm just passing the message. You gotta leave.
Danny G. Wilikers: What are you going to make me?
???: I'm not, but he is.
And with that, Danny G. Willkers felt a poke on his shoulder; he turned around to reveal all 6 ft 10 ins and three hundred pounds of muscle dressed in the garb of a bartender...SAM SALOON. Who gets, unironically, the biggest reaction of the night for the long-standing head of security? Trust me, this is the first time we've seen him, but he is OVER...
To make a long story short, the natural balance is restored.
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-=-=-=-=
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Though the music isn’t quite LCW friendly, the fans nevertheless give out a pleasant welcome to the perennial valiant fighters, the two who endeared themselves to LCW faithful, Boone Parker and Hyeon Barrow. With matching cowboy hats, the Colorado and South Korean natives high five, slapping the fans hands at ringside.
Jewels Duvall: The following contest is a tag team match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first… With a combined weight of four-hundred and twenty-eight pounds… Bulletproof Boone and Bullseye Hyeon… THE LONESTAR BANDITS!
Lance Decker: Though victories for the Lonestar Bandits don’t come often, it’s the heart and valor of fighting on in spite of the odds that have endeared these two young rookies to the fans.
Boone & Hyeon slide into the ring, climbing onto the ropes and posing, as they await their opponents…
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… And a jaunty, kazoo tune plays, as five … Horse-shaped men. Men-shaped horses? … Five horse costumes. Five horse costumes saunter and stagger out of the entranceway. The fans both hate and love it. I think. It’s genuinely difficult to tell.
Jewels Duvall: And their opponents… Herbert Hoofer, Neighthan Fillyon, Whinny Houston, Horse Slughorn… Dave… They are… THE STABLE!
Jim King: … Old Man Stevens left his barn door open again, huh.
The five trot towards the ring, and all of them somehow… Maneuver themselves into the ring, awkwardly shuffling against each other.
DING DING DING!
As the bell sounds, there’s a disturbance among The Stable. With no warning, one of the horses, Whinny Houston...I think, turns around and decks one of the horses standing beside him...or her, knocking the teammate to the ground.
In another sudden move, the aggressive horse plants a super kick under the chin of Herbert Hoofer, knocking him to the ground. Just as Neighthan Fillyon tries to charge in to make the save, he eats a super kick as well.
The horse that has clearly gone rogue turns around and looks at his last remaining teammate, Dave. Poor, pitiful Dave.
Lance Decker: What the hell? The Stable seems to be falling apart at the seams, and I don’t mean the ones in those weird ass horse costumes they’re wearing!
Jim King: I think somebody's about to get a one way ticket to the glue factory.
Whinny Houston charges towards Dave taking him down. All four of Whinny's legs flail wildly, beating Dave into a state of near unconsciousness. When she seems to be satisfied with the damage inflicted, Whinny picks Dave up over her head and slings him to the floor, where he lands with a thud.
Now, the only horse left standing in the ring begins to look around. He reaches one of his front hoofs and pulls off his horse mask. IT’S CHRIS PEACOCK! He steps out of the bottom half of the horse costume…and ALYSTER BLACK APPEARS! Oh my God! It’s two of the biggest names in FWA!
Jim King: About time we get some class in this place!
We begin the match with Alyster and Bullseye Hyeon in the ring. Hyeon doesn't appear to be intimidated by his much more accomplished opponent as he charges directly at him. Unfortunately, Hyeon finds himself on the receiving end of a massive boot to the face. Alyster walks around his opponent, occasionally delivering another boot to Hyeon.
Alyster picks Hyeon up and delivers a crushing blow across his face knocking him back to the ground. Black walks over and tags in Peacock.
As Peacock bends over to pick up Hyeon, he finds himself rolled up.
1…
2…
Peacock kicks out!
Lance Decker:Looks like the home team almost picked up a quick one!
Jim King:There’s no way Peacock is going to lose to one of these hicks, Decker. None.
Hyeon takes advantage of Peacock’s moment of shock and rolls towards his corner and tags in Bulletproof Boone. Boone runs into the ring and hits Peacock with a running lariat. He bounces from the near side ropes and delivers a second clothesline. The crowd quickly gets behind their boy.
“BULLETPROOF! BULLETPROOF! BULLETPROOF!”
Boone begins to draw from the crowd’s energy and mounts Peacock, delivering rights and lefts to the opponent. He jumps up, whipping the crowd into a frenzy.
Boone picks Peacock up and delivers a bodyslam. The veteran appears to be in trouble!
Lance Decker:I’m not so sure about that, Jim. Peacock is on the ropes.
After a couple stomps to his midsection, Boone picks Peacock up once more and puts his head under his arm. He’s going for it! Boone is going for the Ace in the Hole! The crowd goes wild.
Lance Decker:HE’S GOING FOR IT! This will end it!
Jim King: Shut your mouth, Lance.
Peacock wraps his leg around Boone’s ankle blocking the move. He begins to push Boone backwards, inching him closer and closer to Alyster who is reaching over the top rope, desperately wanting to make the tag. Boone delivers forearm blows to Peacock’s back while Peacock delivers kidney punch after kidney punch to Boone. Alyster reaches over the top rope and makes the tag! Boone doesn’t realize it.
Jim King:I’ve got some bad news for Boone…
Boone hoists Peacock up and hits the Ace In The Hole! He still doesn’t know that Black is the legal man. He goes for the pin, but the ref doesn’t move. By the time Boone realizes that Black is the legal man, he eats a massive boot across the face.
Black immediately picks Boone up and delivers a headbutt followed by a Saito Suplex. Boone is reeling and the crowd has gone largely silent.
Black picks Boone up by the back of the neck and throws him towards his own partner. He’s letting him make the tag!
Hyeon steps into the ring, much more tentatively than he did the first time. He begins to motion for the crowd, recognizing that he needs their support and Black doesn’t seem amused. He charges towards Hyeon, but the smaller man ducks under him and bounces back to his feet. He runs toward Black and delivers a dropkick to his knee. Black drops to one leg!
Lance Decker: These underdogs are proving that they may deserve a call up to FWA!
Hyeon charges from the far-side ropes and delivers a knee to the back of Black’s head. Unfortunately for him, the knee knocks Black towards his corner where he tags in Peacock.
Chris Peacock climbs into the ring where the two men engage in a collar and elbow tie-up. Peacock quickly takes control when he places Hyeon in a side headlock. The two men bounce off the ropes where Hyeon tries to push Peacock away, but he only tightens his grip.
Hyeon picks Peacock up and drops him with a suplex! For a moment, he’s free. He climbs to the top rope and goes for a moonsault! For a moment, the crowd goes silent…and Hyeon misses. He hits the ground in a heap.
Lance Decker: HAHAHA. Strike 1.
Peacock smirks at the crowd who is still trying to support their hometown boy. He struts over to Hyeon and delivers a boot to the gut. THE DISCO THRILLER! Hyeon looks like he’s out.
ONE
TWO
Thr….NO! Peacock pulls Hyeon up from the mat.
Jim King:Like a cat toying with a mouse before he inevitably puts it out of its misery.
He drags Hyeon over toward Black and makes the tag. Black immediately delivers a double foot stomp driving the wind out of Hyeon. With no warning, Black charges toward Boone and knocks him from the apron. The crowd erupts into a chorus of boos.
Black still has his back to Hyeon who goes for the schoolboy rollup!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE—-NO! Black manages to kick out.
Lance Decker:You look like you’re sweating a bit there, Jim.
Jim King: I’m sweating because it’s the middle of summer in Texas, you dolt.
Hyeon, filled with momentum charges toward Black who delivers the ONE SHOT KILL! That has to be it.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING
Jewels Duvall: Here are your winners… Alyster Black, Chris Peacock… F… T… N!
Jim King: I knew they’d do it. Nothing to be nervous about at all.
Lance Decker: Would you shut up? The Lonestar Bandits put on a helluva show here tonight.
Black and Peacock celebrate in the middle of the ring as Hyeon lays on the ground clutching his throat. Boone crawls in under the bottom rope to check on his partner. He quickly regrets his decision.
While Boone is seated next to his partner, Peacock runs and delivers The Strut! Boone is unconscious beside his partner in the middle of the ring while Black and Peacock taunt the crowd.
Lance Decker: This is just unnecessary.
Jim King: Oh, would you shut up? This is wrestling.
-=-=-=-=
We go backstage to see the three members of Team LCW - Mejor Amigo, Wes Tern, and Rosie Sparks, in the same circle; the vibe is grim after what happened to the man that went out of his way to pick three rookies, Tommy Bedlam. Until Rocco Sullivan walks into the room, looking as grim as can be as he looks over the team
Rocco Sullivan: I know, Tommy wanted to be the one to give this speech, but...well, I'll be honest, I don't know what his condition is, and I don't know if he can compete tonight, but I do know he wouldn't want you to focus on him. He'd want you to focus on what's to come...War. That's what you're walking into. War.
Rocco paused for a moment, looked down and took a deep breath.
Rocco Sullivan: Right now, LCW has the biggest audience it's ever had. This little independent company from Texas is on a worldwide stage, and rest assured, the world IS watching, and you're going to decide what they're going to see. What is the future of LCW? Them?
Rocco hooks a thumb at the door with no small amount of disgust on his face.
Rocco Sullivan: Self-serving rats led by a bitter sociopath? Is that the future of this company? Or is it you?
Team LCW exchange glances.
Rocco Sullivan: The future of this company is in your hands.
The scene abruptly changes to another part of the arena, another locker room, where we see JJ Walker pacing the room, The Unstoppable Tai beating the shit out of a punching bag, and Ace Manson staring at the ground...but all activity stops as in casually strolls The Handsome Stranger. Looking all together, unconcerned and confident as he leans against the wall, smacking gum. All activity ends as The House Of Handsome stares at their leader, but The Handsome Stranger makes them wait until he spits the gum out on the floor.
The Handsome Stranger: Don't bother coming back if you don't win.
And with that, The Handsome Stranger calmly walks out again.
We cut back to the arena to see the lowering of the cage for the cage wars. It pretty much looks like something of a Hell in a Cell and Elimination Chamber hybrid with a sort of hexagon shape. It has four sides, and each one has a pod. Hanging from the roof are two wooden tables that are sure to come into play. Hanging above two of the pods are two steel chairs. The ace production is sure to give a close-up of some parts of the chains surrounding the cage...some of which contain barbed wire.
Lance Decker explains the rules of the contest; it is in an elimination format. Two members of each team will start the contest, with the remaining members going into the pods, with teams being in the adjacent pods on the same side of the ring. Every four minutes, one of the pods will open. The House of Handsome won the coin toss (....Duh), meaning they will get their team members first. You may only be eliminated via pinfall, submission, or knockout. But no one can be eliminated until all members of both teams are in the ring.
The camera quickly cuts backstage to see separate parts of the arena. Rocco Sullivan is watching the match, obvious concern on his face, while The Handsome Stranger is sitting on a chair, his face carved from stone as he stares at the screen. This match has some massive implications to what's to come.
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Booing, jeering, echoes as the Sniper of the House of Handsome makes his way out of the curtain. Cold, stonefaced, eerily similar to his older brother, Ace Manson marches towards the ring with a notable focus.
Jewels Duvall: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time, for CAGE WARS. If Team LCW are victorious, then the House of Handsome are barred from ringside for tonight’s main event. However, if House of Handsome are victorious, they are free to accompany The Tall Handsome Stranger to his match later tonight. Introducing first… Representing the House of Handsome… Weighing in at one-hundred and eighty-five pounds… ‘HANDSOME’... ACE… MANSON!
Lance Decker: Cold, calculated, heartless. As precise as he is efficient, Ace Manson. How can one man be so heartless? For Manson, it’s easy.
Ace Manson storms into the enclosure, no dillydallying, waiting in a corner for his teammates.
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The reception continues, as the Shotgun of the House of Handsome enters the fray. Confident, Unstoppable Tai cracks her knuckles, eager to get this started.
Jewels Duvall: Representing The House of Handsome… Weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-five pounds… ‘THE UNSTOPPABLE’ TAI!
Jim King: The toughest woman - hell, maybe the toughest athlete - in all of LCW, bar none, Tai has legions of blood in her of the legendary Aikae family. It’s no secret why THS entrusts her with the House of Handsome name - as her name states, she’s unstoppable.
Unstoppable Tai climbs into the ring, joining Ace Manson in looking stoic and badass.
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The boos reach a crescendo, as the Machine Gun of House of Handsome enters with a snarl. Kicking the ringside barrier and scaring a child, JJ Walker storms towards the cage, itching to get things started.
Lance Decker: And the man who turned on his own blood to join House of Handsome. A bitter, envious man, JJ Walker has a chip on his shoulder and a lot to prove - but to whom, exactly, I’m unsure.
JJ Walker enters the cage, nodding to his teammates. The trio throw up their hands, shouting ‘HOUSE. OF. HANDSOME’ as the crowd jeers.
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The jeers turn to cheers, as the first line of defense to HoH enters - the high spirited Rosie Sparks, with grim determination, stepping through the curtain.
Jewels Duvall: And their opponents… First, representing Team LCW… From Los Angelos, California… Weighing in at one-hundred and thirty-one pounds… ‘STARBRIGHT’ ROSIE SPARKS!
Jim King: Rosie Sparks - a blue chipper, a bright prospect, it’s no wonder she was selected as part of Team LCW for this bout. With as much heart as anyone, she can turn the tides with ease.
Rosie Sparks comes to a halt outside the cage, awaiting her partners.
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The cheering continues, as the masked man of mystery and friendship, Mejor Amigo, enters with a strut.
Jewels Duvall: Representing Team LCW… Weighing in at one hundred and eighty pounds… MEJOR AMIGO!
Lance Decker: A man of mystery, nobody knows exactly who is under Mejor Amigo’s mask. Maybe it doesn’t quite matter. What does matter is that Mejor Amigo has shown themselves to be nothing but a strong-willed,strong hearted individual, friendly to all. Perhaps that’s why he was selected to be part of Team LCW.
Mejor Amigo high fives Rosie Sparks, the two waiting at the doors of the cage, for the final piece.
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Finally, as the cheering continues, Wes Tern sort of… side steps his way through the curtain, like a hoedown. He shouts ‘YEEHAW’ as cowboys are accustomed to doing. The crowd ‘YEEHAW’s right back.
Jewels Duvall: And representing Team LCW… Weighing in at two hundred pounds… WES TERN!
Lance Decker: The boy might be a bit of a headache, but he is someone who has embraced the LCW lifestyle through and through, and perhaps endeared himself to staff. Maybe he is really the best representation of LCW?
Sauntering towards the ring, Wes Tern asks his teammates if they’re ready for a HOEDOWN. The quizzical glance doesn’t answer his question, but the trio step into the cage regardless, facing off with House of Handsome to a standing ovation!
Jim King: As Lance would say, shit’s about to go down. Pardon my tongue.
The referees begin forcing the wrestlers into their respective pods, until only one from each team is left. And with that, the bell is rung.
DING DING DING
Starting off, it's The Unstoppable Tai with the debuting Rosie Sparks, and almost instantly, the size difference is clear. It looks like Tai was bigger than the size of two Rosie Sparks combined. They don't even bother circling in the ring or anything of the sort as Rosie looks to take the fight to the House's enforcer right from the start. Already LCW is starting to get behind the newcomer for her fire. But Tai manages to catch Rosie in a hip toss to the outside, crunching his spine on the iron girdle outside! As the red markings engrave themselves into Rosie's spine, Tai takes control and starts bashing Rosie around freely until one of her whips is reversed, and she's sent right into the barbed wire!
3:20
-It's too early in the match for that to take her out for the count; that must have hurt like a mother, as Unstoppable Tai is quick to move forward and just slams Rosie down to the canvas. Hard.
3:00
Jim King: That’s a horrible start to this match for Rosie Sparks, and she has a long way to go here!
Tai smirks ever so slightly as she reverses the tables, sending Rosie down to the ground. Not to be deterred, Rosie quickly pulls herself back to his feet and locks up with Tai again. Back and forth, the two dramatically try to outpower the other, but again, the Unstoppable Tai has too much muscle, sending the rookie down to the canvas. Not wanting to wait any longer, Tai quickly tries to lay stomp down upon Rosie, but the rookie rolls out of the way, and crab walks backwards, doing whatever it takes to escape Tai giving herself a barrier between them.
2:30
Lance Decker: Sparks trying to gain some separation here, some breathing room, as she attempts to survive Tai’s onslaught.
Tai eventually pursues Rosie, entering between the second and third ropes. Rosie strikes as Tai is in between the ropes, kneeing Tai right in the skull as she goes to grab her. Like a woman possessed, Rosie grabs Tai and pulls her to the outside before mounting her and firing off a spree of rights and lefts; Rosie gets off of Tai eventually, only to snap back around and kick her several times in the chest before thumping her with a knee drop to the face.
2:00
Jim King: That’s the spirit, kid! Fight back, build momentum!
Tai staggers back up to her feet, only for Rosie to pounce back on her, lighting her up with stiff knife-edge chops as Tai staggers back into the ropes and cell at the far edge of the ring. Looking to keep a firm lock on her advantage, Sparks grabs Tai around the neck and yanks her back up to her feet, but not after kneeing her in the torso a few times in the process. Despite being in control, the rookie shows her inexperience and makes a critical error. Sparks goes up top. But as Rosie climbs up to the top turnbuckle at the edge of ring two, Tai is able to get back up to her feet and make her way over to Rosie. Grabbing hold of her, Tai flips her over, sending her crashing and burning to the canvas.
1:30
Lance Decker: But this is where Rosie’s rookie experience plays against her, and Unstoppable Tai is able to capitalize.
Tai quickly lays the boots with Rosie down, striking while the moment is her. Rosie fights her way back up to her feet through the stomps, though, but only ends up on the receiving end of a huge right hand and forearm strike, knocking her back into the ropes.. she walks out of the ropes to try and face off with Tai, leading to a huge lariat! Rosie lands right on the back of her head, folding up like an accordion.
1:00
Jim King: Christ alive, someone call a doctor… Or a mortician.
This is a bad sign for Rosie Sparks and LCW, as Tai has the advantage. Things could get ugly quickly as the match gets closer to a new entrant. Tai knows that all too well and quickly pulls Rosie up to her feet, knocking her back into the ropes with stiff forearm strikes, holding nothing back against the rookie. Rosie gets a brief moment of energy as she shoves Tai away from her and back into the center of the ring. The unstoppable one calmly plants her feet in the middle of the ring and waits for Sparks to come back at her. Rosie obliges, only for Tai to sidestep and connect with a knee to the abdomen. Leaving herself open to an attack, Rosie quickly falls victim to Tai's big overhead belly-to-belly suplex.
0:30
Lance Decker: Rosie NEEDS some help here, but it’s a long, long while until the cavalry comes.
Tai slows down the pace, dropping down to the canvas and applying a reverse chin lock on Rosie, hoping to grind the time out. Tai can keep Rosie on the canvas for quite some time, but Rosie shows fights, working her way up to his feet, despite the reverse chin lock applied. As Rosie transitions from the canvas to her feet, Tai switches to a side headlock, but it's not enough to stop Rosie from turning the tables, landing a pivotal belly-to-back suplex on Tai. Rosie needed that one, folks! As the clock ticks down…
0:00
BUZZ
The spotlight shines, and it’s Ace Manson joining the fray as his pod slides open! He makes a beeline for the fight, eager to prove himself and make his mark on the violence, and immediately clobbers Rosie Sparks with a lariat! He unloads on Sparks with a series of stomps, Unstoppable Tai joining in as the clock resumes its countdown!
3:35
Lance Decker: Ace Manson arriving in a house of fire, the younger brother to THS, eager to inflict as much damage as possible.
Jim King: And now the hard part for Rosie Sparks has begun - Unstoppable Tai is one thing, but Tai AND Ace Manson at the same time? This is an uphill battle for our young starlet. There are no pinfalls or submissions until the final entrant has entered the match - Rosie has to endure as long as possible until the cavalry arrives.
Ace Manson grabs Rosie Sparks by the neck, dragging her to a vertical base, and orders Unstoppable Tai to hold her arms behind her back. Slightly miffed at being told what to do, Tai nonetheless complies, and Manson slugs Sparks in the face with a series of jabs and haymakers! Tai lets Sparks go, and Sparks rolls under the ropes to the outside grid to find some kind of reprieve from the onslaught. Manson follows her out, stepping on the back of her neck and grinding her face against the iron chains of the walls!
2:55
Lance Decker: This has been all Manson since he entered, which isn’t too much of a surprise considering Manson’s reputation for cold efficiency. Rosie Sparks is going to have to dig deep to find something that will ensure she lasts until the end.
Indeed. Ace Manson continues to control things, kicking Rosie Sparks back into the ring, into the waiting grasp of Unstoppable Tai. Manson patrols the perimeter, while Tai lands a few more boots into Spark’s midsection. She lifts Sparks back to her feet, pulling her up for another suplex, but Sparks struggles! She manages to float her way out of it, stumbling over the ropes onto the outside! Tai approaches - boot to the midsection! Boot to the jaw! Sparks has Tai stunned, and grips her in a suplex of her own! From inside the ring to the outside floor! Tai’s back cracks against the steel!
2:20
Jim King: That might be the opening Rosie needs to gain momentum and survive!
Ace Manson re-enters the ring, charging for the opposite side where Rosie Sparks is waiting. She catches him with a high kick to the dome, sending him retreating! She re-enters the ring, ducking under a lariat, and hits a neckbreaker! Finally, some space! Course, Ace Manson is pretty fresh, so it only keeps him down for a few seconds at most, but it’s enough for Sparks to gain her bearings and formulate a plan.
1:00
As Manson gets to his feet, Sparks catches him with a slingblade! A body splash! She locks in a Boston Crab, more to wait the time out than do any major damage. Outside the ring, Unstoppable Tai is getting to her feet, and Rosie Sparks breaks the hold, running and sliding undid the ropes with a sliding dropkick to Tai!
Lance Decker: This might be the best strategy as any, isolate her opponents and keep them apart while waiting out the clock.
Rosie Sparks springboards onto the ropes, but Ace Manson rushes forward, pushing her to the outside! She lands on Unstoppable Tai's shoulders! Powerbomb into the barbed wire wall!
Jim King: Spoke too soon, Lance! Manson and Tai catch Sparks with a devastating powerbomb onto that spiked barbed wire cage!
0:30
Rosie Sparks shrieks in agony, the barbed wire already leaving foul indents on her back. Ace Manson postures, dragging Sparks to the pod of Mejor Amigo and showing off their handiwork, much to Amigo's disgust. For added effect, he slaps Sparks' head against the glass of Amigo's pod before throwing her back into the ring.
0:15
Ace Manson and Unstoppable Tai circle Rosie Sparks, daring her to get back to her feet, occasionally throwing out kicks to keep her down. Manson throws some more forearms at Sparks as the clock whittles down. With only seconds remaining, Manson and Tai stand up, each going to a separate pod to immediately greet whomever enters next - Manson to Tern, and Tai to Amigo.
0:00
BUZZ
The lights flash, and out comes Wes Tern, who takes the fight right to Ace Manson! Unstoppable Tai attempts to make her way over to assist, but is intercepted by Rosie Sparks, who catches her with a sudden heel hook from the mat! This leaves Tern to be able to fight Manson 1v1 as the clock resets, and although Tai is able to fight out of it, it’s enough for Tern to obtain an advantage over Manson with a roaring elbow to the dome! Tern enters the ring, and catches Tai with a lariat!
3:45
Lance Decker: With the game now at an even level, this is where Team LCW can mount a truly effective comeback, build momentum and a defense for when JJ Walker enters the fray.
Wes Tern helps Rosie Sparks to her feet, and the two square off against Ace Manson & Unstoppable Tai. As one, Manson & Tai charge - but both Tern & Sparks duck under the lariats, and catch House of Handsome with some dual dropkicks! Manson drops to the mat while Tai staggers to the ropes - and Tern & Sparks clothesline her over the ropes to the outside!
3:25
Jim King: Team LCW, like a house on fire right now!
Rosie Sparks catches Ace Manson with the Rosie Hurricane, while Wes Tern follows with a diving splash! The two build momentum, switching targets to Unstoppable Tai, exiting the ring. Wes Tern clobbers her with repeated clotheslines, bouncing her off the chains to smack her again, while Rosie Sparks nabs her with a middle thrust kick to the gut to add a bit of extra spice.
2:55
Team LCW turn their attention back to Ace Manson, and Rosie Sparks springboard off the ropes towards Manson - but Manson rolls out of the way, and catches her with the Smoke & Barrel! Wes Tern scrambles into the ring, Manson goes for the Ace in the Hole, but Tern blocks it, and transitions into a northern lights suplex! He holds on, leaps over, and hits a second! He repeats the action for a third! He holds Manson to the mat, allowing Sparks to catch him with a leg drop!
2:20
Lance Decker: Teamwork makes the dream work, folks. Unorthodox, almost accidental teamwork, but teamwork nevertheless.
Unstoppable Tai reenters the ring, kicking Sparks in the face, and Tern responds with a running dropkick into the corner! He does it again! Tai slumps to the mat, resting on the bottom turnbuckle! Wes Tern motions for the Bronco Buster! It’s a western move because it has the term ‘Bronco’ in its name, see. He sprints, legs wide!
Unstoppable Tai holds a single fist out, unimpressed.
Crotch meets fist at high speed! A high pitched shriek emulates from Wes Tern!
1:50
Jim King: Yikes! Poor Wes Tern. Well, you mess with the bull, you get the horns. There’s some kind of ‘bronco’ connection here, but alas, I don’t quite know it.
Unstoppable Tai rises to her feet, only to meet a high speed knee to her face by Rosie Sparks! It’s better than the alternative, but not by much. She takes Tai down with a running bulldog, as Ace Manson gets back to his feet, and Sparks follows through by throwing a trio of fists at Manson! Manson throws fists right back! The two duke it out!
1:35
Lance Decker: I admire the guts, but Ace Manson isn’t someone you want to get into a fist fight with.
Ace Manson’s fists are stronger, more well honed, and Rosie Sparks falters! But Wes Tern rushes in with a bicycle kick, sending Manson reeling! He takes down Manson with a belly-to-belly, stomping a mudhole in him!
1:20
Rosie Sparks does the same to Unstoppable Tai!
1:10
Team LCW in firm control as time ticks away!
Jim King: Yes! Yes! Yes! Keep it up!
1:00
One minute left until the next man enters, JJ Walker, and Wes Tern & Rosie Sparks are ready! If they can keep this up, they’ll have a nice defense when the third House of Handsome enters. But Ace Manson suddenly grips Wes Tern by the belt, yanking him down - Tern’s throat meets the ropes! He rolls to the outside as Tern reels, gasping. Rosie Sparks halts her stomping, going to follow Manson outside- but Manson catches her with a knee right to the temple!
0:45
Lance Decker: Bang! Lights out!
Manson regroups with Tai back in the ring, the two moving towards JJ Walker’s pod in anticipation of its opening. Tern valiantly goes to follow, but is caught with a lariat!
0:30
House of Handsome continue stomping on Wes Tern, when Rosie Sparks strikes with a diving crossbody onto Tai & Manson! The two go down on the steel! Sparks kicks Tai into the ring, followed by Manson, as Tern gets to his feet. The two run to two separate turnbuckles, and as Manson & Tai get to their feet, they flatten both of them with missile dropkicks!
0:10
Jim King: Beautiful! Team LCW are ready for this!
With seconds left, Team LCW regroups, awaiting JJ Walker’s entry.
0:00
BUZZ
There’s the buzzer once more, and JJ Walker enters the fray! With a bitter chip on his shoulder, eager to set things right his way, he enters the ring as Rosie Sparks & Wes Tern stand off to greet him with fists - but Unstoppable Tai clobbers Wes Tern from behind! Ace Manson does the same to Rosie Sparks! JJ Walker joins in on the beatdown! The trio beat down on the babyfaces while Mejor Amigo watches on in concern!
3:45
Lance Decker: Wes Tern & Rosie Sparks managed to score a comeback with even numbers, but now the House of Handsome are all in play and taking advantage of the fact.
JJ Walker pushes Ace Manson out of the way, telling him to go assist Unstoppable Tai in beating down Rosie Sparks, while Walker handles Wes Tern himself. Eager to prove himself as the hard hitter of HOH and beat down the fresher man solo, Walker peppers Tern with hard lefts and rights, slapping the shit out of him and taking all his family frustration out on poor Tern. It’s not pretty but it’s sure as hell effective, and Walker puts a full stop on the assault with a flapjack into the turnbuckle, followed by a spinebuster that trembles the ring!
3:15
Jim King: It’s all JJ Walker from here on in, the freshest man in the match - and someone like JJ has a lot to prove.
Meanwhile, outside the ring, things are looking grim for Rosie Sparks - being in here the longest and double-teamed by Ace Manson & Unstoppable Tai is certainly no envious position. The two trade chops on Sparks, punishing her for simply existing, and in this two-on-one environment she can only hope to persevere, and wait for the right moment. This only gets harder, as Mason & Tai whip her face first into the steel surrounding cage!
Lance Decker: That’s a rough way to get your facial structure rearranged…
2:55
Back in the ring, JJ Walker continues dominating Wes Tern, throwing him across the ring and snapping him with a lariat to the outside. Walker follows him out, kicking him halfway into an empty pod, before slamming the sliding door on his chest! While he holds the door shut, he stomps Tern right in the nuts!
Jim King: Now that’s just ungentlemanly!
2:30
JJ Walker locks Wes Tern in a Boston crab on the outside! There’s no submissions, not yet, not until Mejor Amigo enters! Amigo is doing all he can to provide moral support as the clock ticks away. Meanwhile on the opposite side, Rosie Sparks tumbles into the ring, thrown in by Unstoppable Tai & Ace Manson. Tai stomps on Spark’s face, while Manson taunts Amigo, telling him what’s waiting for him once those doors open.
2:10
Wes Tern scrambles, but of course the ropes won’t do anything, and of course he’s outside the ring on the cold steel, the only thing nearby is the chains on the walls. So that’s what he grabs - the chains in the walls, and drags himself further into the empty pod, JJ Walker still holding him in a boston crab!
Lance Decker: Rope breaks don’t count if they’re steel chains, but-
Jim King: But it’s not a rope break he’s looking for…
Indeed! Wes Tern drags himself almost all the way into the pod, JJ Walker still riding him. Walker himself is now positioned right in the middle of the doorway, a fact he realizes a second too late as Tern switches tactics, and shoves the door as hard as he can! The door slides into place, slamming into Walker with a THACK! Walker breaks the hold, stunned, and Tern pulls the door back and slams it again! Walker goes down!
Lance Decker: There’s the opening!
1:50
Ace Manson hears what’s going on, making a beeline for Wes Tern as Walker rolls away. Wes Tern climbs to his feet, as Manson throws a haymaker - Tern slides the pod door shut a third time, shielding himself from the blow as Manson’s hand THUDs against the door! Hissing in pain, Manson staggers away, and Tern reopens his pod to duck into the ring and catch Unstoppable Tai with a dropkick!
1:35
As Rosie Sparks recovers, Wes Tern takes Unstoppable Tai on his shoulders, spinning in the Do-Si-Do! One rotation! Two rotations! Three! Four! Five!
Jim King: And around and around and around we go…
Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! Ace Manson tries to step in, but Unstoppable Tai’s swinging legs catch him on the side of the head!
1:20
JJ Walker steps up, managing to grab Unstoppable Tai by the legs and drag her off of Wes Tern’s shoulders. Tai falls to her knees, head spinning, while Tern staggers around, perhaps a touch more dizzy than his opponent. Walker throws a lariat, but Tern ducks - or maybe just falls flat on his face from dizziness - and Walker walks right into a superkick from Rosie Sparks! Ace Manson gets back to his feet, and Sparks & Tern double team him with a double DDT!
Lance Decker: With a minute left, Sparks & Tern are on their feet! Just persevere a bit more and Mejor Amigo will be here for back up!
1:00
Unstoppable Tai gets back to her feet, but is taken down with a double back body drop!
0:55
JJ Walker staggers to a vertical base, only for Sparks & Tern to nail a double suplex!
0:50
Ace Manson is taken down by dual forearms! The babyface team are on fire!
Jim King: That’s the winning strategy - keep the House of Handsome separated and unable to use their numbers advantage!
0:45
But it seems JJ Walker realizes this, and rather than rush in to attack, groups up with Unstoppable Tai, dragging a staggering Ace Manson with them! The House of Handsome regroup, as Sparks & Tern brace for impact, and as one, HoH sprint in for an attack as Mejor Amigo watches on! Sparks & Tern fight valiantly, but the extra number on HoH turns the tide, and the two go down! House of Handsome beat down the babyfaces!
0:15
Lance Decker: Fifteen more seconds! Hold on just a bit longer!
Boots to bones! Stomping a mudhole on them! Unstoppable Tai locks in a painful cravate on Rosie Sparks, while Ace Manson grabs Wes Tern in a heel hook!
0:10
Rosie Sparks & Wes Tern hold hands, encouraging each other to last just a bit longer!
0:05
Mejor Amigo is nearly slamming the pod open!
0:03
JJ Walker heads outside to greet Mejor Amigo on entry!
0:00
BUZZ
The lights flicker, and the pod opens! In BURSTS Mejor Amigo, pushing JJ Walker aside right off the top and making a beeline for his teammates, breaking up the two submissions. Ace took that moment to try again to pick his spots, looking to take a breather by retreating to his pod and closing it, not liking anything he saw. Instead of chasing Ace, Mejor Amigo tries to wear down the enforcer with blows, surprising her with a standing enziguri, stupefying her so much that she flopped over the top rope and onto the girdle frame. Amigo follows her out there before using a massive amount of strength, throwing her entire body to whip Tai…RIGHT THROUGH THE POD ACE WAS HIDING IN!! Ace and Tai collapsed in a pile of shards.
Lance Decker: My god! What violence!
But that wouldn't suffice at that point in the match. Referees checked Ace and Tai to see if they could continue because now, eliminations were valid, but neither was incapacitated enough. With two down, Amigo turned to JJ to see if he could try and dwindle the numbers down, Rosie Sparks soon coming to his side. Like a good pupil of The Handsome Stranger, JJ tried to beg for mercy before his two opponents, but neither of them would have it, just beating JJ down almost to a pulp before JJ got wrapped up in a ROSE VINE…before "The Unstoppable Tai" came back into the fray! Dear God, this woman is truly unstoppable! Tai saved her teammate by beheading Rosie and Amigo with a devastating double clothesline but couldn't net an elimination fall on either.
Jim King: It’s amazing how people can survive decapitations these days.
But then Tai got a good look at the still-downed Wes Tern. Tai took her sweet time and looked to nail Wes Tern with the running power slam…but Wes Tern turned it into a guillotine choke!! We would not go down to the power game that easily. But Tai would power out of the submission hold with a rib-crunching spine-buster slam. Neither got Tai the elimination she sought, maybe pissing her off. As a result of that, Tai went somewhere she never normally would go…and that was to the top rope in the corner that a table is placed behind. Still, the brutality in Tai wouldn't seem to let that rest; instead, heading on top of the pod behind the corner to deliver whatever it was she was looking for…
Lance Decker: This is unusual - what is Tai thinking here?
…when Mejor Amigo burst back into the scene, rushing across the ring to save Wes Tern by leaping clean onto the rope-balanced table and nailing Tai with the running knee!! Tai dropped from the corner to Tai's level on the table, they went back and forward, striking, but once again, the power behind the punches of The Unstoppable Tai led her to take control as Tai chunked him down from the top. But almost as soon as Amigo hit the canvas again, Tern sprung back up and began dueling Tai on the now teetering table. Amigo is on wobbly knees and has started recovering; as Amigo turn to join Tern on the teetering table duel, Tai is on shaky knees giving us a good look at the damage she suffered from being chunked through the pod, apparently bleeding from somewhere in her hair, as blood was running down the sides her face like hemoglobin sideburns. Until both men managed to wear Tai down by aiming at her bleeding point…AND NAILING A DOUBLE SUPERPLEX FROM OFF THE ELEVATED TABLE!! As huge a move as this was, no man was in good enough condition to pin one another until Rosie managed to roll back into the ring, only for Tai to kick out.
Jim King: Too long, too late! Tai kicks out, she stays alive!
During this time, Ace Mason has recovered and was free to roam after having to clear all the cobwebs in his head from getting smashed by his teammate. But he was met by Rosie Sparks, who blasted him when he decided to crawl back into things. Meanwhile, JJ Walker would have helped but was forced to deal with his issues with Wes Tern. Tern began pulling away in their duel, but he was struck suddenly by a SURE SHOT!! Just like that, Walker was ready to eliminate Tern…but Mejor Amigo saved him.
Lance Decker: And Amigo to the rescue!
Rosie and JJ resumed their duel on the ring's exterior, but both became flatlined when Rosie caught JJ in a second rope crossbody. Meanwhile, Amigo and Ace got their battle going, with Ace surprising Amigo by sliding off his shoulders and nailing him with a fame-asser. But this only got a near fall, but Walker went with another for an STO…BUT NOBODY WAS HOME!! Wes Tern kicked back into things with his repeat kicks on Ace's chest, capped off with a roundhouse to the skull! This knocked Ace actually onto his feet and stumbling…right into a La Pijamada, netting Team LCW their first advantage.
ELIMINATION: ACE MANSON (House of Handsome)
Jim King: Ace Manson eliminated! It’s 3-2 in favor of Team LCW!
Only Tai and JJ remained for the house, But Tai came back to life and came back at the men who Superplexed her with a vengeance, dueling Tern and Amigo until she managed to get them in opposite corners and squashed their bodies underneath her. After this, Amigo was forced to the outside, but Tern was met with more abuse at the hands of Tai by eating a spine buster. But Tern would still not go down that easily, nailing Tai with a flying knee, but Tern fell on the outside, possibly damaging his knee.
Lance Decker: A rough landing for Wes Tern, an injury at this time would be horrible.
Amigo was dragged along to face a recovering JJ. After keeping Rosie down with a slam on the remaining part of the outside girdles, he and Amigo matched up in the ring before JJ catapulted Amigo over the rope. But Amigo held on, looking to come back at Amigo with the springboard clothesline…SURE SHOT!! AMIGO IS NAILED WITH A MID-AIR LARIAT! And the House of Handsome evened the score!!
ELIMINATION: MEJOR AMIGO (Team LCW)
Jim King: House of Handsome even it up, with a snap elimination on Mejor Amigo!
With Amigo's elimination, it would come down to a duel between JJ and Tern... only for Rosie to rush into the scene with a diving European uppercut!!
JJ was saved for the moment, only for JJ and Sparks to go back at it, but after both went at each other again, JJ would outsmart Rosie and nail her with a triangle dropkick using the barbed wire walls. While this took something out of JJ, he still had enough to go back after Tern, only to get clocked in the head with a roundhouse. When that couldn't get Tern the elimination, he opted to go back and climb the corners and pods…and pull down not just a steel chair that was hoisted up there but pull down the other table before being interrupted by JJ by catching Tern in a super plex position. Still, Tern would fight his way out, only to nail JJ with a super backdrop!!
Lance Decker: That’s a long fall and a sudden stop! JJ Walker will be feeling that tomorrow!
Wrapped with pain, Tern couldn't eliminate JJ again there either, but he rushes forward, bounces off the ropes....uses them to get momentum.....BUT HE'S CUT OFF BY UNSTOPPABLE TAI AND THE MOTHER OF ALL SPEARS And just like that, Tern is broken in half…and the House Of Handsome would gain the upper hand.
ELIMINATION: WES TERN (Team LCW)
Jim King: … Oh no.
Well. Shit.
The mood in the building is, in a word...grim.
The House Of Handsome had a daunting and damn near impossible advantage. JJ Walker and Unstoppable Tai, along with The Rookie Rosie Sparks... They quickly overwhelmed Rosie with their combined might, torturing her to a sickening degree. The carnage seen the whole match before was only a warm-up, as Tai would demolish Rosie with a steel chair. It reached an even more insidious level of cruelty when Rosie, whose face is completely drenched in a crimson mask that would make Ric Flair proud by this point, had her head shoved between a hole in the barbed wire walls while JJ locked in a Boston Walls Somehow, Sparks refused to pass out or let her back give out, but almost as punishment, Tai and JJ took the two chairs and tried for a CON-CHAIR-TO…only for Rosie to move at the last second.
Lance Decker: Rosie Sparks stays alive! She’s all by herself now, operating on fumes and instinct!
Rosie would keep Tai away, only for JJ to try and jump her once more, but JJ would force the two back out the iron perimeter, where she surprised JJ with a reverse DDT drop on the unforgiving steel beneath them. As Rosie tried to re-enter the ring, she was approached by a rushing Tai, only for Rosie to jab Tai right in the eye with a thumb, blinding Tai with that, and the blood still oozed into Tai's eyes. When Tai turned around to rush the apron-bound Rosie Sparks again, Sparks moved…CAUSING TAI TO GORE JJ WALKER AGAINST THE CHAINED DOOR…RIGHT OUT THE DOOR!! WALKER IS SPEARED BY HIS OWN TEAMMATE RIGHT OUT THE DOOR!!
Jim King: A miscue! Tai spears her own partner! He’s out cold!
Replays would show Walker's head whiplashing violently as hell and going limp; the ref doesn't hesitate to wave it off. Walker has been KO'ED
ELIMINATION: JJ WALKER (House of Handsome)
Lance Decker: And we’ve even!
And so it came down to the very same two women who started this. Both women were a battered and bloodied mess; nothing seemed to be keeping their broken bodies upright besides sheer passion. The two would use up all that in just a few seconds; it seemed when they went at it in a flurry of punches that only wore both down to the point of both women almost collapsing on one another. The blood both women had lost almost reached ridiculous levels, but Rosie Sparks managed to pull away, even hitting Tai with AIR ROSIE-! But even so, Tai would not go down! Proving she truly can't be stopped, Tai recovered somehow, eventually getting enough in her to get Rosie up…AND NAIL A HARBOUR BOMB! But Rosie, like Tai, would kick out in a completely unreal fashion.
Jim King: HOW???
Tai, knowing this has to be the end the way it is, opts to get yet another table and bring it into the fray, setting it up in a corner behind Rosie. Tai would go and stalk Rosie, the entire arena on their feet because the way it's set up, any spear Rosie would take would sickeningly destroy her. This would come to pass as Tai bull-rushed for ONE FINAL SPEAR THROUGH THE TABLE…BUT ROSIE MOVED!! Tai would eat nothing but a wooden slab; Rosie would reposition one of the steel chairs still lying around, taking the now dead on her feet Tai …AND NAILING AIR ROSIE ON THE CHAIR, Rosie practically FLOPS into the cover as where finally, the House Of Handsome fell!
ELIMINATION: UNSTOPPABLE TAI (House of Handsome)
Lance Decker: She did it! They did it! By god, TEAM LCW WINS IT!
DING DING DING
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Jewels Duvall: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS - ROSIE SPARKS, WES TERN, MEJOR AMIGO, TEAM LCW!
The delight in Jewels Duvall’s tone might be matched by the fans, but it’s outdone by the joy in the exhausted Rosie Sparks - Wes Tern and Mejor Amigo quickly returning to the ring to help her to her feet. Team LCW, the babiest of faces, celebrate earnestly.
Lance Decker: They did it! Bah gawd, they did it! Somehow, someway, Team LCW beat back House of Handsome in the Cage War!
Jim King: And as a result, House of Handsome are banned from ringside for tonight’s main event! Great work, team. Great work. Rocco must be proud of you.
Wes Tern & Mejor Amigo hoist Rosie Sparks on their shoulders, cheering in victory. A well fought win, one with scars that may last a lifetime… But one that will be savored for just as long.
-=-=-=-
Jewels Duvall: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is your main event and is for THE LONGHORN CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!
You would think this announcement would get a sizable pop, and it does, but not to the extent you'd expect; after the events of tonight, the status of the main event is in question.
Jewels Duvall: At this time, please welcome LCW Commissioner-ROCCO SULLIVAN-!
The camera cuts to the already at ringside Rocco Sullivan with the LCW Championship on his shoulder, ready to present to the winner as the wait begins...
......
.....
....
He's purposely making everyone wait until-
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The heat is molten, it's nothing less than pure hatred, but almost just to spite the reaction, The Handsome Stranger saunters onto the stage, hands in his pockets, his expression unreadable under the brim of his white ten-gallon hat; he strolls down the ramp slowly ignoring the abuse and hecklers from the fans that he walks by.
Jewels Duvall: Introducing first… From Austin, Texas… Weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-two pounds… THE TALL. HANDSOME. STRANGER… T.H.S!
Lance Decker: I've been doing this job for nearly 40 years; I've been here since the start of LCW. I know my job, and I know I'm meant to be impartial, but when it comes to this man, and I'm on record for this-The Handsome Stranger is a no-good son of a bitch! He's a no-good bastard! This was a night for celebrating the Bedlam family legacy! Tommy Bedlam has put his heart and soul into riving this great company, bringing wrestling back to his home state and honoring his family, and it's a damn shame he's not even medical able to complete, and it's all because of this sick bastard that has been terrorizing this company for years, he's arrogant, he's selfish, he'll do anything and everything he can to step on anyone in his way, he's-
Jim King: SIR-! That is quite enough! There's no cause for rudeness! Now I know you and The Handsome Stranger have history, but there's absolutely no excuse to diminish his accomplishments-
Lance Decker: I'd never try and do that; like him or not, this man has accomplished so much; he's one of the most vicious brawlers I've ever seen, but that doesn't excuse his actions! What does it matter if you're the best wrestler in the world, if you're the worst human being in the world? After what he did to Tommy tonight-
Jim King: The winners write history, Lance....
THS stops at the bottom of the ramp and peers over at the various members of the bedlam family at ringside; he doesn't do anything more at this point. No smirks, no trash talk, he just tips his hat emotionlessly at the family before he slides into the ring and makes his way over to the corner where he lodges relaxed.
An unidentifiable tune plays, to a muted reaction, as a portly, scruffy man makes his way towards the ring, arms raised.
Jewels Duvall: And now introducing, making his Longhorn Championship Wrestling debut...Bobby Bennett!
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Jim King: Who the hell is that guy? I thought Bedlam had to defend the title.
Lance Decker: It looks like we're going to have a proxy tonight, Jim.
As Bobby Bennet makes his way to the ring, Rocco Sullivan steps to the center of the ring, the LCW Championship draped over his shoulder.
Rocco Sullivan: Judge Hearstly declared earlier tonight that there had to be a title defense or else The Tall Handsome Stranger would walk out of here with the LCW World Championship. With that in mind, Tommy started making some emergency phone calls to try to find someone to defend this belt since he's unable to. His cousin, Bobby Bennet, has graciously agreed to step in and take part in tonight's main event-
???: NOW HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE HERE!
Judge Victor Hearstly emerges at the top of the ramp for a third time this evening, once again, greeted with a chorus of boos. He stands beside Bobby Bennett who still hasn't made his way to the ring.
Judge Victor Hearstly: Excuse me, Mr. Sullivan. But I ruled that Tommy Bedlam had to defend the championship tonight or The Tall Handsome Stranger would win by forfeit. This man is not Tommy Bedlam. I believe my ruling was very clear...
Rocco Sullivan: First off - your statement was very clear. ‘A’ Bedlam had to compete tonight. Bobby Bennett is a Bedlam by blood, if not name, therefore he qualifies.
There’s a neat pop as Victor Hearstly looks infuriated that someone found a loophole.
Judge Victor Hearstly: Be that as it may, I-
Rocco Sullivan: Second of all, there's just one extra problem with your ruling....your "honor."
Judge Victor Hearstly: And what's that?
Rocco Sullivan: You're not a goddamn judge! I'm the commissioner of this company, and I say that The Tall Handsome Stranger is gonna take on Bobby Bennett for the LCW World Championship right damn now. Hit the bricks, pal. Bobby, get your ass down here. Ring the bell.
The judge stomps his feet, flailing his long black robe around as Bobby marches toward the ring. Rocco slides to the outside where he takes a seat at the timekeeper's table.
DING DING DING
To his credit, Bennett goes on the attack, clearly fired up by the attack on his family. He knows he'll have to make his own openings to stand any chance, and he'll have to take the fight to him. THS has to take the barrage from Bennett initially but rebounds off the ropes to take Bennett will dominate from there, but again, to his credit, the rookie is fighting for his life! To his family! THS takes his eye off the ball for a moment to jaw with the fans, and it allows Bennett to fight back.
There's no attempts at pinfall for either man. Bennett wants to fight and defend his family's honor whilst THS looks insulted. Bennett is even daring to stand between him and the world title, THS soon takes charge again, extinguishing the energy of Bennett with a thunderous clothesline, followed by another three, having to drag Bennett up to deliver the last one.
In total control, THS talks trash the crowd, totally unconcerned with his opponent and again, that costs him as Bennett fires up with knife-edge chops on THS, momentarily giving the fans hope and Bennett looks to run off the ropes...but as he takes off, THS runs after him, and meets him at the ropes as soon as he hits him, DRIVING a knee, deep into the gut of the rookie. THS takes the wind out of Bennett literally, and he takes the winds out of the fan's sails, killing another brief moment of momentum; THS follows it up with a Spinebuster, covering him, just wanting to get this over with, but...Bennett kicks out at two! This kid has fight in him!... But he may regret that as THS is starting to get annoyed. THS has a snarl on his face as he gets back up and shakes his head, grabbing Bennett by the hair, and THROWS him through the ropes to the outside, and doesn't waste time following him out- THS picks Bennett up and rams him into the apron, then rams him into the barrier, before tossing him into the steps! There, THS pounds Bennett furiously, not letting up at all, before grabbing Bennett by the legs, looking back over his shoulder at the ring post...and CATAPULTS Bennett into the ring post! Bennett hits the post-face first- and flops to the floor clearly busted up now.
And not for one moment does THS show any compassion. THS is bleeding profusely, it's a deep cut, and THS compounds the agony, standing over Bennett and founding the forehead and making Bennett wear a crimson mask. THS drags Bennett up, bouncing his head off the apron and then bounces the Rookie's head off the announce table, taking a moment to tell Rocco Sullivan, "THIS IS THE BEST YOU GOT?! YOU'VE LOST, OLD MAN; THIS IS MY COMPANY!
Lance Decker: You're sick in the head, you son of a bitch! You'll get yo-Oh, what the hell, don't you do this-
Why did he say that? Because THS crosses the line and brings Bennett in front of the bedlam family in the front row.
THS holds up Bennett, making sure the family gets a good look at him; one of the younger members of the family even tries to take a swing at THS and misses. THS holds up the defenseless Bennett and pounds him right in front of his family before flicking his hands at them, splatting Bennett's blood on their clothes.
The ref berates THS, demanding he gets back in the ring, and THS obliges, having had his fun and rolls Bennett into the ring.
THS gets back in and mounts his bloody opponent, hammering at the blood-soaked face of Bennett, who offers no resistance; it's ominously quiet in the arena.
Lance Decker: I gotta tell you, folks; I don't know if I can watch much more of this...what'll it take to have the ref call this match?
Jim King: Remember what The Handsome Stranger said beforehand. If The House Of Handsome can't get the job done. He'll have to, and that's the last thing anyone wants...I think we're seeing why.
THS stands up and taunts the fans, holding up his bloody hands- Bedlam blood and shouts at the quiet crowd; "Another Bedlam bites the dust-"
THS turns his attention back to a claret-soaked Bobby Bennett on his knees, looking to end this; THS walks forward...AND EATS A LOW BLOW. Suddenly, the fans have hope as Bennett somehow, someway, finds another gear and drives in on THS with all manner of punches.
Lance Decker: COME ON, KID-!! MAKE YOURSELF FAMOUS!
Lance Decker, unable to hide his favoritism, and he's not the only one. Rocco Sullivan has gotten up and passes the LCW title into the ring; eye contact between the two is all that's needed as Bennett grabs it, winds up the shot and as THS stands up, he TAKES A TITLE SHOT RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!
HE'S GOING TO DO IT!!! THAT SON OF A GUN IS GONNA DO IT!!!
Bobby Bennett falls down, hooks the leg, makes the cover.
ONE....
TWO....
Th-
THS KICKS OUT!!!
Lance Decker: DAMN IT!!!
There's a loud groan as THS gets a shoulder up. Bennett has his hands on his face and mutters a series of "Fucks-!" in despair, before realizing he needs to focus and deal with a wounded THS. The Adrenaline rush is all but gone, as he wearily backs THS into the ropes and batters him with chops and punches before sending him out of the corner with a hip toss. Bennett flips him off and kicks him right in the face before going to the corner and going for the pin again, ANOTHER TWO COUNT-!
Bennett spends a lot of time on his knees. He's used up a lot of energy, having been beaten up a LOT.
THS has turned on his stomach as Bennett composes himself and looks to grab at THS for the finish-! ONLY TO GET A BELT BUCKLE TO THE FACE!
Bennett goes down thanks to THS signature weapon, and THS looks enraged as the leather belt comes out and THS strikes Bennett with it...AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!! The sound is sickening as THS keeps on hitting him again and again! At least ten more times before his arm gives out and picks up Bennett and delivers a piledriver!!! Cover!
1....
2....
THS drags him up...only to send him back down again with another piledriver!!!
Another pin....and even quicker, LCW drags Bennett up...The boos are loud as the ref practically begs THS to end this match, but he seems to say, "Just one more thing" he makes a beeline for discarded LCW title and sets it up, bringing Bennett in position for yet another piledriver.....
But a roar goes up as from the entranceway comes Tommy Bedlam, but don't get too excited, his arm is in a sling, and he has a bandage covering one eye; clearly he's not in any state to fight anyone; several agents and backstage workers are trying to hold him back as he storms down to ringside
Lance Decker: DAMN, IT-! THAT'S ENOUGH, JUST PIN HIM AND END THIS! HE'S DONE NOTHING TO YOU!
THS blankly stares at Bedlam, and actually puts Bennett down...Bedlam breathes a sigh of relief...ONLY TO SEE THS REPOSITIONING BENNETT SO HE'S FACING TOMMY, THAT SICK SON OF A BITCH MAKES TOMMY WATCH AS HE DRIVES HIS COUSIN'S HEAD INTO THE LCW TITLE.
Tommy instantly tries to get into the ring, enraged by the actions of THS, but security is holding him back as calmly THS hooks the leg, all the while staring at Tommy Bedlam with a sick smile....
One....
Two....
The ref pauses, he clearly doesn't want to do it, but he has no choice....
Three!
DING DING DING
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The heat is insane! Drinks and beer cans are being thrown into the ring, but THS doesn't seem to care as Jewels Duvall tries to make herself heard over the chaos.
Jewels Duvall: HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND NEW LCW WORLD CHAMPION-THE TALL HANDSOME STRANGER!!!
Lance Decker: Those 13 words we all hate to hear, but for the tenth time, The Tall Handsome Stranger has got his dirty hands on the Longhorn Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship...God...I can't imagine how hard this must be for Tommy Bedlam to watch the title his grandfather and his father spent their lives honoring..only to fall back in this heartless animal's hands...IT MAKES ME SICK!
Now that the match is over, the medical team is seeing to Bobby Bennett, as Tommy Bedlam is still being restrained. At the same time, Rocco Sullivan slowly and remorsefully gets in the ring and is forced to perform his official duties and hand over the LCW title ... Covered in Bedlam Blood. He does it with no small measure of disgust. As soon as he hands it off, he tries to see to Bobby Bennett...
ONLY TO HAVE THS PICK ROCCO UP BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK AND HURL HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE, WHERE HE LANDS ON HIS HEAD!
For a moment, a numb silence comes over the scene as everyone is shocked...and then the boos come.
Lance Decker: YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH! THE MAN'S A GRANDFATHER!! HE HAS A BROKEN NECK! YOU MIGHT HAVE CRIPPLED HIM! AND FOR WHAT?! WHAT WAS THAT FOR YOU SOULLESS BASTARD!!
More medics see to Rocco Sullivan at ringside, as it takes an army to hold back an injured Tommy Bedlam from rushing the ring after seeing his family, his pride, his family's title and now his long-time family friend assaulted by THS; he seems enraged to the point of insanity. There is chaos all around the ringside area, and the man that caused all of it? Doesn't give a damn, only having eyes for the LCW Championship as he parades around with the title, cackling.
Lance Decker: Folks...This is not how anyone wanted tonight to go...this was meant to be a celebration...not this...but...yeah, I don't know what to say...
The commentary ends with a disgusted sigh as this banner LCW ends in a way no one wanted to see...
With The House on top.
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