Post by Jimmy King on Oct 21, 2024 23:41:55 GMT
- XLV -
”TAKEOVER.”
Live from the Kaseya Arena in Miami, Florida, USA.
Saturday 19th October, 2024.
The shot opens on a darkened arena interior, with the lights of audience cellphones illuminating the darkness like stars in a night sky.
“You don’t get the girls loose…”
A latin beat suddenly breaks out somewhere in the darkness.
“You don't get the world loose!!”
Two spotlights suddenly turn on and focus in the middle of a wrestling ring.
“You don't get money, move, move, but I do, I do!!”
The camera shot comes into focus on the ring to show Traffic Cone #2 standing in the middle of the ring with a microphone, shaking and shimmying to the beat while cackling.
“Esta noche, puedes llamarme cono de tráfico número tres!”
The shot zooms in a little more as the titantron screen in the arena also lights up. The Miami crowd starts to cheer wildly as the zoom reveals that the man in the ring is not TC2, but international superstar, Mr. Worldwide but still Miami’s favourite son Pitbull, wearing his trademark sunglasses and dressed up like a traffic cone.
♫I said, y'all having a good time out there?♫
[”Don’t Stop the Party” || Pitbull ft. TJR]
♫Heeeyyyyyeeeeeeeyaaayyyyyyeeeeyaaaaaayy♫
♫que no pare la fiesta, don't stop the paarrrrrrrrtaayy!!!!!!!!!!♫
Pitbull starts shuffling around side to side in the ring. A bunch of female models, all scantily-clad in orange bikinis and their naughty bits covered up by neon yellow safety belts, come into the ring and start dancing provocatively around Pitbull.
♫Heeeyyyyyeeeeeeeyaaayyyyyyeeeeyaaaaaayy♫
♫que no pare la fiesta, don't stop the paarrrrrrrrtaayy!!!!!!!!!! BUD LIGHT LIME, DALE’!♫
The music suddenly stops, the spotlights go out, and the arena is thrust back into darkness. More phone lights come on as the crowd cheers in anticipation but are only greeted by momentary silence. Suddenly a giant logo appears on the titantron.
A wave of pyro suddenly starts going off wildly in all directions on the arena ramp under the titantron. The wave ends, and a sonorous voice which suspiciously sounds like Sir Tom Jones cuts through the residual ringing of the pyro explosions.
FWA HAS MORE THAN ONE….. FUCCBOI FACTION.
The spotlight suddenly turns back on at the entrance ramp, where a band is now playing live rock music with very loud, amateurish enthusiasm.
[”Kingdom” || Downstait]
♫ADRENALINE, IN MY SOUL!♫
♫NTR IN EVERY HOLE!♫
♫THANK YOU VERY MUCH MR. RUSSNOW!!♫
As more pyro goes off behind them, the camera zooms in to reveal the real Traffic Cone #2 fronting the band and singing, while Jhunha is furiously trying to shred on the guitar. Jay Kenny is playing on the drums while Owen is boxed in by 4 synths on every side, desperately trying to play them all at the same time.
♫CROWD IS HERE, THIS FED BLOWS!♫
♫NOT TONIGHT, WE’RE IN CONTROL!♫
♫LOOK HOW MUCH WE SPENT ON THE PYRO!♫
Even more pyro goes off behind them, almost drowning out the music itself.
WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
♫MY FATHER SAID, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER♫
♫JOIN ME AT THE WAREHOUSE!!♫
The pyro just won’t stop.
♫WE’LL TAKE IT ALL AWAY, WE’LL GIVE IT ALL AWAY♫
♫THIS IS OUR MELTDOWN!♫
♫HERE TO CUCK THIS FED, BUT WE AIN’T TO BLAME♫
♫THIS FEDS FULL OF CLOWNS!♫
Someone’s frightened dog jumps off the ramp and runs backstage as more pyro goes off. Some of the pyro shoots onto the back of TC2, who catches fire.
♫FUCK! I! AM AFLAME!!♫
♫YOU TOOK OUR DREAMS BUT NOT OUR NAME!♫
♫GET NTR’ED UNTIL THE END♫
♫THIS IS OUR MELTDOWN!!♫
Owen crawls out from under the synth setup, grabs a fire extinguisher, and runs over to spray down a flailing TC2 while Jhunha and Jay Kenny continue to rock out. The crowd in Miami cheers wildly for the display of showmanship, regardless of whether it was planned or unplanned.
Now only smoking and not on fire anymore, TC2 grabs the mic that he dropped.
TC2: “Ladies and gentlemen, cucks of all ages, welcome to NTR MELTDOWN!!”
The lights go up in the arena fully as pyro continues to go off. Pitbull rolls out of the ring and applauds while coming up the ramp.
TC2: “I will be your master of ceremonies tonight, the Rotund Ring Announcer, the Sultan of Safety, Traffic Cone #2! And behind me, still shredding like there’s no tomorrow, I would like to introduce tonight’s special timekeeper and referee for all the matches respectively, NTR Young Boys Jhunha and Jay Kenny!!”
The crowd cheers as Jhunha and Jay Kenny continue playing. Pyro continuously goes off behind them.
TC2: “And what would this show be without our producer, our unpaid technical wizard, and my tag team partner for later on tonight, Owen!!”
Owen gives a meek wave as the crowd cheers and then runs backstage with the fire extinguisher still in hand.
TC2: “But enough about us Young Boys, we know you, the good bitches of Miami, came here tonight to feast your eyes on the PRINCIPLES of NTR, nay, the PRINCIPLES of this company!! The wait is over as I would like to introduce tonight's special GM, the man who is graciously holding down the fort while Jon Russnow takes a well-deserved night off, your GM for the evening, the Last Star in the Sky, Ryannnnn RONDO!”
Ryan Rondo out onto the entrance ramp with a giant staff in his hand. After ducking some of the exploding pyro and stepping forward a little, Rondo unfurls what is a giant NTR DOJO flag and waves it around a little.
TC2: “And now, introducing your commentary team for the evening, a huge upgrade over the Jane Austen wannabes you usually are forced to listen to, the NEXT FWA Tag Team Champions, NOVA DIAMOND AND DANNY TONER!!!!”
Nova Diamond, dressed in a Hogwarts-like wizard robe and Danny Toner dressed in a diaper come out from backstage onto the entrance ramp and stride forward to stand next to Ryan Rondo. Nova mock waves at the crowd as Danny goes down the ramp to shake hands with Pitbull. As the music continues to play and pyro keeps going off, Ryan Rondo hands the NTR Dojo flag to Nova, walks down the ramp, and superkicks Pitbull! The crowd gasps and some ironically cheer as Danny Toner laughs.
TC2: “DALE’!!!! This seems like a good time to remind everyone that tonight's FWA Meltdown opening segment was brought to you commercial-free by Bud light Lime, the refreshingly crisp beer with a citrus twist has a delicious balance of tart and sweet, perfect for easy-drinking occasions under the sun!!”
The scantily-clad models all grab the fallen Pitbull by the limbs and drag him off the ramp as Nova joins NTR ringside. Nova hands the Dojo flag back to Rondo, then follows Danny over to the commentary desk. The two take their seats and smile wildly at the camera, we can see Nova has drawn a red lightning bolt scar on his forehead with a sharpie marker.
Danny Toner: “Good evenin’, wrestling fans! Welcome to NTR Produces Meltdown in Miami! I’m “Baby” Danny-Franc Toner and this is my broadcastin’ partner, “The Mad Wizard” Nova Diamond!”
Nova Diamond: “KEHAHAHAHA! Thanks for the sweet intro, Baby! Believe it or not, we’ve got what can actually be described as a good show in store for you tonight - I know! Meltdown being the must-see show, weird, right?”
Danny Toner: “We gotta whole host of sweet shit planned and anybody who is anybody signed right on up to get involved tonight. However, noticeable by their absence-”
Nova Diamond: “I wouldn’t say noticeable…”
Danny Toner: “Are not only Vox Potatoes, but nearly all of our esteemed champions. Jeremy Best, Tommy Bedlam, FTN, and Cyrus Truth have all deemed this show too risque to their overness and image to make an appearance tonight. But of course, if you asked them, they’d tell you that they are simply ‘protesting’ the show.”
Nova Diamond: “Oh shit!”
Danny Toner: “I know, I know. I too am bitterly disappointed that “Total Bad Arse” Tommy Bedlam ain’t in Miami.”
Nova Diamond: “No, you just reminded me of something. When Ryan was rummaging through Russnow’s office earlier - getting accustomed to the GM gig - he found the match card for Lights Out! Guess who hasn’t got a match at Lights Out?”
Danny Toner: “Do tell!”
Nova Diamond: “Our biggest fan - Cyrus Truth.”
Danny Toner: “L-O-L as the kids say. Whatta bitch, way to ruin the North American Championships glimmerin’ prestige, Cy-Cy!”
Nova Diamond: “Anyway, I think we’ve gone on just about long enough for them to have finished setting up the moat. Shall we get it going, D?”
Danny Toner: “We shall! WE ARE LIVE, BABY!!! FUCK VOX! UP RUSSNOW! FUCK FTN! NTR METLDOWN, WOOOOOO!”
We see Nova getting some form of message in his headpiece. He nods his head in a serious manner.
Nova Diamond: “Hold up, I’ve just received word from our General Manager Ryan Rondo that before the action kicks off tonight, we are going to air a tribute package.”
Danny Toner: “To what? Jean-Luc’s overness?”
Nova Diamond: “Afraid not. The most famous promotion to ever exist. Brutal. Anarchist. Wrestling.”
Danny Toner: “Respek.”
A prerecorded video plays, set to “Leave the Memories Alone” by Fuel. The video is narrated by an unidentified, soulful, distinct, yet subdued baritone. The narrator sounds an awful lot like Sir Tom Jones, but I guess we will never know.
[”Leave the Memories Alone” || Fuel]
Narrator: “Seven years ago... the sparks which set off a revolution flew.”
The video shows a giant computer screen, showing an announcement on a black and orange internet forum message board.
♫So here I am with my thoughts of you… and this world I've left for me….♫
“With that one statement, the paradigm of professional wrestling changed forever… generating visceral reactions like ‘Not crazy about the new name tbh’, and ‘a parody of hardcore promotions’, and ‘This content has been removed for violating Tumblr Community Guidelines’...”
♫Stoic faces when I think of you… and how I once believed….♫
“It was too early, the world was not ready, they hated him because he told them the truth!”
♫So now you call me, but you know I won't let you through, I've myself to deceive…♫
The forum message board fades away and the music picks up in ferocity as we roll into clips of Lord Vincent Takaab Blackbird in some of his most memorable and hardcore FWA moments.
♫Leave the memories alone! I don't want to see! The way it is! As to how it used to be!!!♫
As the video starts intermixing his in-ring exploits with some of the most memorable footage from “Blackbird Knows Best”, large text overlays over the montage video reading:
Brutal Anarchist Wrestling: 2017 - 2017
“But tonight, the spark of the revolution turns into a blazing fire!”
♫Leave the memories alone! Don't change a thing! And I'll hold you! In my memorayyyyyyyyyy!!♫
The video shows footage of Lord Vincent and his various hoes in FWA.
♫YEAHHHHHHHHAHHHH♫
“Tonight, thanks to our generous sponsors at Home Depot, where you can shop online for all your home improvement needs such as appliances, bathroom decorating ideas, kitchen remodelling, patio furniture, power tools, bbq grills, and everything else, the true disciples of the B.I.R.D Empire prove that you can kill a man but you cannot kill an idea!”
♫YOU’LL NEVER CHANGE!♫
“Tonight, for at least two matches, Fantasy Wrestling Alliance becomes… BRUTAL!”
♫YOU’LL NEVER CHANGE!♫
“ANARCHIST!”
♫YOU’LL NEVER CHANGE!♫
“WRESTLING!!”
♫YOU! WILL! NEVER! CHAAAAAANGE!!!♫
The scene changes to Danny Toner dressed as Lord Blackbird, Nova Diamond dressed as Sonny Blackbird, Ryan Rondo dressed as Bella Blackbird, and the NTR Young Boys behind them dressed as soldiers of the B.I.R.D Empire. As they walk away from the shot into some very bright lighting and the music mercifully fades out, the sound of a totally-not-AI-generated crowd chanting “BAW! BAW! BAW!” plays in the background.
♫YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…♫
We return to ringside where Danny and Nova are standing at the booth, clapping profusely. A cut to the timekeeper's desk shows Jhunha standing with his arms crossed, a solitary tear rolling down his face. Jay Kenny, in his black and white referee uniform, cuts a forlorn figure, the memories striking a chord with him.
In the middle of the ring, stands Traffic Cone #2, a microphone in hand. He tries to say something, but is stopped momentarily by the Miami crowd chanting “BAW! BAW! BAW!”. TC2 lets the chanting pass before trying to speak again.
Traffic Cone #2: “That’s right everyone! Lord Blackbird, I hope you’re watching us from wherever you are, because the true sons of the B.I.R.D Empire are going to make your vision a reality tonight!! The following match is a BRUTAL ANARCHIST WRESTLING PRESENTS: PRESENTED BY HOME DEPOT: a EXPLODING BARB WIRE DILDO ELECTRIFIED GATORS WITH LASERS MOUNTED ON THEIR HEADS IN A MOAT MATCH!!!!!”
The crowd go mild and look around in confusion at the moat surrounding the traditional ring set-up. Atop the turnbuckles are beeping, barb-wire wrapped, dildos.
Danny Toner: “Shout out to our sponsors for this match: Home Depot Miami! 35% off water heaters for this week ONLY with Home Depot’s Special Buy of the Week promotion! Home Depot, powering B.I.R.D Industries since 2017!”
The crowd settles down and the titantron kicks in.
[”We Want Fun” || ANDREW W.K.]
The crowd give a fairly good reaction for DUDE who comes out full of zest and plays up to the crowd. There is a small but audible “DUDE! DUDE! DUDE!” chant from a section of the Miami crowd. He makes his way down to the ring, stops and gives the moat a puzzled look, before shrugging and jumping over it. TC2 gives the introduction as DUDE makes his way into the ring.
TC2: “Introducing first, from the MOTAH CITEH! DUNDUNDUN! MOTAAAH CITEEEEH!!! weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds… GUY!!!!!!”
Dude looks at TC2 who quickly shuffles his cue-cards.
TC2: “I mean… DUDE!!!!!!!”
The crowd cheer as DUDE just laughs it off and pats Coney atop his cone-head.
[”For the Damaged Coda” || Blonde Redhead]
A choir of children begin to sing after a lengthy sinister haunting piano melody is played, searchlights look around the arena for none other than Captain Righteous who comes floating down from above the crowd. His cape flaps majestically as he rests both hands on his waist, smiling and scanning the crowd below. Finally he lands half way down the ramp where he walks confidently towards the ring only to float from outside the ring, over the ropes and finally lands in the ring. Stalking the ring like the true apex predator he is, Captain Righteous let's his opponent know he's the best. This is his ring. Well… not tonight.
TC2: “And his opponent, from Manhattan, New York - hey, Danny! Do you know this guy? He’s from New York too!! - weighing in at two hundred and seventy pounds… EVIL MORTY!!!”
Captain Righteous raises an eyebrow in confusion as TC2 waddles out of the ring. Toner and Diamond for their part on commentary begin a chant that nobody else takes part in.
Nova Diamond: “FUCK YOU MORTY!”
Danny Toner: “Clap clap, clap clap clap!”
Yes. He is saying the word “clap”.
FIRST MATCH | 1/20. Captain Righteous vs. DUDE-!. Exploding Barb Wire Dildo Electrified Gators with Lasers Mounted On Their Heads in a Moat Match Sponsored By Home Depot. Match Writer: Tig. |
| << 00:00. >> The bell sounds and DUDE and Captain Righteous immediately look not at one another, but out over the ring ropes to the man-made moat that surrounds the ring. The water ripples softly and DUDE looks at Righteous expectantly. “... What?” enquires Righteous. “Can’t you like, I dunno, use your superpower or something, dude?” is the answer from DUDE. Righteous nods his head as he speaks, “I could… but I’d need some help. If you can position yourself right over there.” DUDE steps to where Righteous is pointing, back turned to Righteous, and when he turns around to ascertain if he is in the correct position RIGHTEOUS KNOCKS THE SPIT OUT OF HIS MOUTH WITH A LEAPING CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS PUNCH!!! Danny Toner: “Bullshit.” Nova Diamond: “Weak.” The crowd let Righteous have it and it seems our superhero is taking on a more villainous role in the match tonight given the overt babyfaceness (it’s a word.) of his opponent. Righteous immediately bounds to the turnbuckle and scales it, hoping to retrieve an exploding barb wire dildo that is affixed to a pole atop the turnbuckle. He unhooks the weapon but is immediately sent tumbling through the air as DUDE sprints, springboards off the second rope ONTO the top rope, teeters, regains balance and REVERSE HURRICANRANAS RIGHTEOUS OFF THE TOP!!! Danny Toner: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE’RE FUCKIN’ LIVE!!!” Nova Diamond: “Who is this madman, mate? Total disregard for him and his opponent, just like Vox Potentis and the prestige of the tag division!” The crowd pops and Dude pops up and gets a “DUDE! DUDE! DUDE!” chant from the Miami faithful. He picks up the exploding barb wire dildo that Righteous dropped and raises it above his head to a large cheer. Suddenly, there is a shriek and DUDE jumps out of his skin as a laser beam shoots right by his head!!! DUDE turns and sees a gator retreating under the water of the moat, the laser beam mounted on its head, poking out above the surface of the water. Nova Diamond: “Wait, Danny… what? Seriously?” Danny Toner: “Jhunha knew a guy.” DUDE’s jumpscare allows Righteous time to recover and recover he does, bouncing off the ropes and clobbering the back of DUDE’s head with a flying clothesline. Righteous picks up the dildo and ZAPPPP!!!! a gator on the other side of the moat pops up and fucking disintergrates the dildo with its laser!!! Ash falls from the hand of Righteous and his eyes widen as he sees the gator resubmerging. The end-to-end battle continues as DUDE quickly does a sloppy takedown on Righteous and hammer-fists him a couple of times before running to the ropes and springboard moonsaulting onto the prone Righteous. He makes a pin attempt!!! Referee Jay Kenny dramatically slides into position. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT!!!!!! Danny Toner: “Jay is freakin’ OWNIN’ that black and white shirt, man.” Nova Diamond: “Did you see the sheer velocity of that slide from Jay? WOW! Move over Larry Stevens.” DUDE tries to follow up but Righteous hulks up and pops DUDE into the air and smashes him into the canvas with a running spinebuster. Righteous rolls out of the ring, pulling well short of the moat and rummages under the apron. He pulls out a steel chair and throws it into the ring before following straight in after, Nova Diamond: “Righteous must be fed up of handling the dildos and has opted for a more traditional weapon right now.” Danny Toner: “Handlin’ dildos, eh? Sounds like what we’re gonna do to Konch’ and Baby on Fallout, brudda!” Nova Diamond: “Once you don’t try and shove Jean-Luc up my arse, I’m down with that, Danny.” Danny Toner: “Hey, no kink-shaming.” Righteous has made a mistake in introducing the weapon to the ring as the hardcore DUDE gravitates to it like a moth to a lightbulb. As Righteous rises to his feet, DUDE picks up the chair and launches it at him, cracking him in the head. Danny Toner: “DUDE WITH THE FUCK THE CHAIR OFF THE OTHER PERSON’S HEAD-RANA!!!!” The velocity of the flung chair crashing into his cranium causes Righteous to stumble to the outside of the ring through the top and middle rope. Righteous is on all fours as DUDE uses the crowds hype to power up (okay, AND he rebounded off the ropes) and fling himself in a reckless, suicidal, not-very-well-aimed suicide tope. He soars through the air and — Nova Diamond: “Oh, he has COMPLETELY overshot this…” COMES CRASHING RIGHT INTO A GATOR THAT HAD JUST REARED ITS HEAD FROM THE MOAT!!! The gator goes absolutely batshit, shooting the laser all over the place causing Righteous to comedically scramble on the outside of the ring, the laser beams just missing him at every step. DUDE is pulling himself out of the moat when the gator lunges at Righteous, snapping his jaws at him. Righteous manages to get the gator in a headlock and ground it but is struggling to keep it under control as the beast flails wildly. Danny Toner: “Shit, Nov’, this Righteous dude has the gator in a freakin’ headlock. I ain’t seen a grip that tight on somethin’ since Golden left.” Nova Diamond: “Hooooly shit, what the eff is DUDE doing, mate? Is he gonna…?” DUDE has positioned himself atop the turnbuckle, brandishing a steel chair, looking at the struggling Righteous and gator. The crowd all get to their feet and thousands of phones flash as DUDE soars through the air, somersaulting, and driving the steel chair into the back of the gator’s head with a legdrop!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! Dude, Righteous, and the gator lie in a heap on the bank of the moat as the Miami crowd show their appreciation for the death-defying stunt. << 08:46. >> Despite teaming up to take down a gator, Righteous and Dude weren’t long returning to throwing bombs at each other. No. Literally. DUDE’s face was charred black from where Righteous smashed an exploding barbed wire dildo off him and there were burn marks on several spots in the ring. Jhunha had wandered down with a crate at some point and was reloading the barbed wire exploding dildos atop the turnbuckles whenever they were getting low. Righteous has blood trickling down his chest from a spot where DUDE tried to make the dildo explode, but got a faulty one, so grated the barbed wire across the chest of Righteous instead. Still, it was Righteous who takes the upperhand in the current moment, piledrivering DUDE in a very stiff manner right in the center of the ring. Nova Diamond: “Righteous with a hell of a piledriver there, D. I don’t think we’ve had a superhero as impressive since Captain Fantasy.” Danny Toner: “Fantasy fuckin’ sucked.” Nova Diamond: “Just teeing you up, partner. You know who else sucks?” Danny Toner: “Vox Potatoes. Is the other gator fuckin’ snoozin’ or somethin’? WHERE YOU AT GATOR!?” Righteous picks up DUDE and follows up his piledriver with a one-armed sideslam. DUDE is sprawled out in the ring so Righteous clambors atop the turnbuckle, a rare venture for the superhero, and almost immediately regrets it as the gator pops up out of the moat and sends a laser his direction. Righteous manages to avoid it, regain his balance, and dives off with a huge headbutt to DUDE. Righteous quickly covers as Jay Kenny does a front tumble before slapping his hand off the mat. ONE… KICK OUT!!! Danny Toner: “OHHHHHH!” Nova Diamond: “RULE 17, BAYBAYYYYYYYYYY!” Danny Toner: “No sell the FUCK outta shit!” The two rise to their feet and just begin slapping the shit out of each other which gets the crowd hyped and to their feet. They punch, slap, and kick their way through the ropes and to the outside of the ring. The strikefest is abruptly broken by a laser beam being shot at them by the remaining gator. DUDE and Righteous share a look, nod their heads, and make an uneasy alliance once again. DUDE grabs a dildo as Righteous lures the gator towards the edge of the moat. As soon as the gator opens its jaws to snap at Righteous, DUDE launches the dildo right in his mouth. Danny Toner: “The gator showing shades of Gabrielle Montgomery, folks!” The gator hasn’t even got time to react to the dildo - or Danny’s sick burn - before Righteous leaps off the edge of the moat and connects with a Righteous Punch THAT BLOWS THE GATOR’S FUCKING HEAD OFF!!! Bits of gator brain and muscle tissue drench those in the first row as the rest of the crowd go wild. DUDE turns Righteous around, offering a fist bump in celebration but… RIGHTEOUS STICKS HIM WITH A HEADBUTT! And another one! And another! And another… Nova Diamond: “Jesus…” Danny Toner: “CLOSE! But this particular move is called ‘Of Righteous Gods’, my friend.” Righteous has the crowd booing him again as he delivers in excess of 10 headbutts to DUDE who has been essentially bludgeoned into a bloody mess by the onslaught. Righteous is showing welts all over his forehead as DUDE collapses on the ground. Now the struggle is to move the deadweight of a six foot, two hundred and twenty pound man into the ring. He does eventually succeed and drapes an arm over DUDE. Jay Kenny double knee slides into a pinning position. ONE… TWO… THR- NO! KICKOUT! DUDE just manages to roll the shoulder off the mat, much to the frustration of Righteous. Righteous picks DUDE up looking to follow up quickly. He kicks him in the gut and hoists him up, looking for a buckle bomb onto the only remaining exploding barbed wire dildo turnbuckle. He goes to throw him BUT DUDE REVERSES!!! HURRICANRANA RIGHT INTO THE ELECTRIC BARB WIRE DILDO!! DUDE AND RIGHTEOUS GO SOARING ACROSS THE RING FROM THE EXPLOSION!!! DUDE lands atop Righteous in a heap. Jay Kenny does a cartwheel before dropping down to make the pin. Nova Diamond: “Simply majestic.” ONE… TWO… THREE!!! Result: DUDE wins via pin fall at 12:21. |
Danny Toner: “That was fuckin’ awesome.”
Nova Diamond: “Yeah, shit, I really didn’t think that match would work but you know… it kinda ruled.”
Danny Toner: “More entertaining than anything good ol’ Konch’ has ever done in any case.”
EMT’s rush the ring to tend to both DUDE and Captain Righteous after the hellacious match and the Miami crowd show their appreciation for both competitors' efforts.
Nova Diamond: “So, what happens while we fill in the moat? I could go for another Young Boys musical performance.”
Danny Toner: “As could I, but I’m going to send it to the back where our General Manager is waiting with a landscape-changing, monumental announcement!”
The camera cuts to the back where General Manager Ryan Rondo is sitting in a plush office chair behind an expensive-looking mahogany table. Lying on the table is a red, velvet cover covering what is undoubtedly a championship belt. Rondo has an extremely serious look in his eyes as he leans forward.
Ryan Rondo: “You know… FWA has this big idea about itself that it’s the best around and that the only thing that matters is what THEY do and what THEY want. They think everything else is inconsequential. They don’t care about Japan, or Longhorn Championship Wrestling, or NWE, or… dare I say it on LIVE TV… The Warehouse.”
Rondo kisses two of his fingers and points to the sky when he says this.
Ryan Rondo: “But tonight, NTR are in control, so I’ve taken this opportunity to do a little promotion. It’s been over two years since we’ve seen a Warehouse event officially broadcast, but that’s all going to change, oh yes, that’s all going to DRASTICALLY change. You see, next month is an important month, next month is my best friend in the whole world’s biggest birthday to date. Danny Toner turns 40! And I’ve got together with our friends over at Thomas Princeton Promotions to get him gold circle tickets for the return of the live broadcasting of The Warehouse! You see The Warehouse is coming back with a BANG! It’s playing host to a one-night tournament for the greatest prize you could possibly imagine…”
Ryan Rondo whips the covering off to reveal a championship belt that to long-term viewers looks SUSPICIOUSLY like the FWA Young Lions Championship that Ryan Rondo himself retired in 2012. In fact, it is EXACTLY like that except where FWA is engraved in the championship plate has been covered with duct-tape with the letters N-T-R scribbled on it.
Ryan Rondo: “That’s right, this one night tournament will be for the NTR Young Lions Championship!!! Without further adieu, let me release the brackets for the most prestigious tournament taking place in the world this side of Christmas!”
An on-screen graphic flashes up showing the brackets for the tournament.
Jhunha vs Owen the Intern
Traffic Cone #2 vs Jay Kenny
Ryan Rondo: “I know you’re going to find it hard to focus on the rest of the show after this ground-shattering announcement, but I, your honourable GM, implore you to sit back and enjoy the rest of the festivities. You’ll be back being subjected to the usual drool-fest of FWA programming in no time at all so please don’t pass up this chance to actually be entertained for once.”
The scene opens in a dimly lit locker room where Xperienx Xtacee is lying face down on a massage table with Monica and Antonio rubbing him. The only light is provided by the flickering candles scattered around the room while the soft sounds of some slow jazz plays in the background. Other than the music, the only sound that we can hear is the occasional moan from XX and a light, playful giggle from his masseurs.
Monica gets a terrified look on her face as she slowly backs away from the table as Antonio’s hand is slightly up the towel that barely covers Xperienx’s buttocks. Monica’s hair blows slightly as every candle in the room except for the one closest to Xtacee’s head.
The camera slowly pans around and reveals that Keres is standing there in the candlelight, a sadistic smile on her face. She lunges across the room and drives Monica into a large, wooden wardrobe head-first. She quickly kicks Monica twice in the side of the head, crushing her skull between the wardrobe and her foot.
Keres then turns her attention to Antonio who has slowly backed away from Xtacee, who is still on the table wearing nothing but the towel over his midsection. Keres tilts her head to the side and then lunges at him, driving him backward. His back crashes into a small sink on the wall, his head crashes into the mirror. Keres places her hand around his throat, but he’s unconscious as he slides down the wall, leaving a trail of blood that streams down the broken mirror and onto the white porcelain sink.
Keres then turns and walks toward XX who has risen from the table and is holding the towel around his waist. She plants a long, black fingernail in his chest, slowly moving it down toward his midsection and pushes him gently onto the table. Keres straddles over Xperienx and begins lightly rubbing his back before sliding the towel off his bottom and wrapping it around his neck.
The pulls the towel backward as Xtacee tries to get his hands between the towel and his throat, but to no avail. Keres, still emotionless and expressionless continues to choke the life out of Xpierienx. Once he’s unconscious, she slowly climbs off of him and grabs the candle closest to his head.
The dips the end of the towel in the flame until it’s slowly consumed by the fire. She tosses it onto the floor as we see the fire slowly begin to spread across the carpet. Keres then steps out of the room as smoke begins to roll from beneath the door. She slowly walks down the hallways as FWA staff and arena personnel try to get the door to open but it’s stuck as the smoke continues to roll with Xperienx, Monica, and Antonio inside.
The titantron cuts once again, where Traffic Cone #2 is standing around, beckoning a couple of stagehands to keep it moving. The two stagehands are pushing a cart with a single cardboard package on it.
TC2: “Out over that way my friends! We gotta make sure that this strong and light-weight, made with a technique that uses less raw materials, an environmentally friendly table provided by our friends at Ikea makes it out on time for the next match!”
One of the stagehands rolls their eyes as the cart is rolled towards the ramp and out of frame.
TC2 looks at the camera and is about to say something, but-
*thwack*
An assailant suddenly charges out of nowhere and blindsides TC2, smashing him from behind with a steel chair! The camera steps back and is for a moment blurry, before refocusing to see an unmoving TC2 laying motionless on the floor face down. Standing over TC2, breathing very heavily with a chair in hand as his metal piston gleams, is Joe Burr.
Joe Burr looks over TC2 and grimaces. He slowly raises the chair again over his head…
Owen: “WAIT!!”
Joe Burr and the camera both look over and see Owen standing across the room, holding a cardboard box of his own in his hands.
Owen: “Hey, listen…”
Joe Burr glares at Owen momentarily and then raises the chair again.
Owen: “WAIT WAIT NO!! We’re sorry, okay?? Things got a little too crazy at the Anniversary Show, a-”
Joe Burr glares at Owen again, but both him and Owen are startled as TC2 suddenly rolls over and sits up. TC2, somehow looking no worse for wear from the chairshot, gets up and stands right in front of Joe Burr.
TC2: “Joe! I was hoping you would be here tonight, I told Owen that I just had a feeling that you would be! But listen, what Owen said was right, we were supposed to have a big match at the Anniversary Show and things got too out of hand after the match. We kinda got stir crazy and I gave that thumbs down to be all dramatic… I understand why you hit me with the chair. I get it, and I deserved it.”
Joe Burr looks at TC2, equal parts angry and confused.
TC2: “Owen?”
Owen: “I’m sorry we broke your voice modulator, Mr. Burr… we tried to fix it after the fact but we couldn’t. It's busted beyond repair.”
TC2: “But we got you a new one!! Look!”
Owen shuffles over and presents the cardboard box in his hand to Joe Burr, who is getting more and more confused. Joe Burr looks at the outstretched box and then motions with his head for TC2 to back away, which TC2 does. Burr then lowers the chair with one hand and then takes the box slowly with the other. As TC2 and Owen watch on, Joe Burr peers into the already-opened box and retrieves out… a shiny, new voice modulator.
TC2 raises his mitten-hands up again.
TC2: “Again Joe, when I said I liked you the more I learned about you, I meant it. I picked up as many shifts as I could at Del Mar to afford this modulator, it's the most expensive one we could find. Please accept this as a token of apology!”
Joe Burr looks at the two young boys for a moment and then finally puts down the chair. Neither TC2 nor Owen move as Joe Burr slowly puts the new voice modulator on and adjusts it with his hands.
Owen: “Go on, try it out… because if it doesn’t work we have to return it at Best Buy.”
TC2: “Best Buy, another friend and sponsor for NTR Miami Meltdown. Shop Best Buy for electronics, computers, appliances, cell phones, video games, and more new tech such as voice modulators. In-store pickup and free 2-day shipping on thousands of items.”
Joe Burr clears his throat as the voice modulator crackles to life.
Joe Burr: “♫~TeStInG, TeStInG…~♫”
Joe Burr looks at the two young boys as Owen puts his head in his hands.
Joe Burr: “♫~GuYs, Is It SuPpOsEd To SoUnD lIkE tHiS?~♫”
Owen: “TC, I told you we really should not have bought the T-Pain autotune voice mod one just solely on pricetag…”
TC2: “WELL I HAD TO GET THE MOST EXPENSIVE ONE, OWEN! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SHOW JOE OUR APOLOGY IS SINCERE IF WE GOT HIM A CHEAP ONE TO REPLACE THE ONE WE BROKE???”
Joe Burr: “♫~tHe RaIn In SpAiN fAlLs MaInLy On ThE pLaIn~♫”
Owen: “Jesus, now he sounds like The Weeknd and Chris Brown had a baby.”
Joe Burr: “♫~I wOuLd HiT rIhAnNa, BuT nEvEr LiKe ThAt~♫”
TC2: “Just keep the receipt in case he changes his mind, but I actually think it's working for him! What do you think, Joe?”
Joe Burr picks the chair back up, causing Owen to flinch, but he doesn’t approach TC2 or Owen.
Joe Burr: “♫~I gUeSs… I dOn’T hAtE iT?~♫”
TC2 claps his mitten-hands together.
TC2: “Wonderful! Okay, Owens gotta hit the truck and I gotta go back out there and get the show running again, we’ll talk later okay Joe? See you around!”
TC2 and Owen scamper away in different directions. Joe Burr, still holding the chair and looking perplexed, adjusts his new T-Pain voice modulator around his neck again before loudly shuffling off.
We cut back to ringside where Danny Toner appears to be absolutely seething in his man-diaper. Nova looks at him with a puzzled expression on his face.
Nova Diamond: “I guess we have a little issue brewing too with our Young Boys fraternizing with the enemy, but first things first mate… you’re fucking FORTY next month?!”
Danny Toner: “I’M NOT FUCKING FORTY NEXT MONTH! I’m spry! I’m only going thirty-eight.”
Nova Diamond: “But Ryan said-”
Danny Toner: “I FUCKIN’ HEARD HIM!!!!!!! Next match. Now.”
Owen is earning his academic credit tonight as right on cue he plays the theme music for the first of the two competitors for the night’s second match.
[”A Cut Above” || Avery Watts]
TC2: “The following contest is a ‘Reverse Tables Match’, scheduled for … a twenty minute time limit and consists of … one table! The goal of this match is to be the one who put the final piece on a functioning IKEA model table at the end of the time limit!”
Mike Parr cautiously makes his way out onto the stage, The Prodigy eyeballs Danny and Nova at the commentary desk, his gaze lingering particularly long on Danny.
Nova Diamond: “Pretty sure he’s looking at you, Danny.”
Danny Toner: “Yeah, yeah, let him keep eyeballin’ me. After we deal with Vox, maybe we’ve gotta little somethin’ somethin’ for lil Micky Parr over here.”
Nova Diamond: “This seems like a good time to shout out our sponsors for tonight’s match - IKEA! IKEA is located on 117th Avenue right here in Miami and they’ve kindly provided us with an IKEA LINNMON/ADILS model to use in tonight’s match! Take a look at this beauty!”
[AD!]
Parr is in the ring following the commercial and still looking over at the commentary team.
Danny Toner: “How do you win this match, Nova?”
Nova Diamond: “Why it’s simple! This is a TRUE Reverse Tables Match so you aren’t trying to break a table to win… you’re trying to put it together! There’s enough parts in the ring to build only ONE table. The man who puts the finishing touch on the table will be the winner, even if the other person does all the work.”
Danny Toner: “Sounds like a Devin Golden angle!”
TC2 waddles forward, microphone in hand.
TC2: “Introducing first, from the wrestlingsmarks.com roster sign-up section~!!! weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds … he is “The Prodigy”, Mike Parr!”
[”One Headlight” || The Wallflowers]
XYZ strides out, moving in an eccentric way that only he can, clutching his FWA Television Championship yet… looking a little put out about everything going on? XYZ would usually thrive in such a crazy environment but he looks all business, one mind obviously on his championship defence at Lights Out against Captain Righteous.
TC2: And his opponent, hailing from Sitka, Alaska … he is the current FWA Television Champion, A … B … C!
The crowd give a particularly loud ovation to their beloved XYZ as he readies himself for the unique match up.
SECOND MATCH | 1/20. Mike Parr vs. XYZ. Reverse Tables Match Sponsored By Ikea. Match Writer: Oz. |
| The cameras give one last cut to the desk near the announcer’s, where all the necessary parts and the means to connect them together lay, from the rods to the wood to the toolbox with all the necessary tools. Then, we cut back to the ring where Parr and XYZ are shown separately in their corners. The referee Jay Kenny stands between, his arms crossed. Mike walks closer to the middle of the ring where he approaches his opponent in a non-hostile manner. Mike Parr: “XYZ. I can’t claim to fully know your opinions on all of these stupid shenanigans happening around us, but I’d expect you at bare minimum to share similar sentiments to mine. This whole take over business, the silly match types and the soulless sponsors … I think not only do I deserve better, so do you as well, X, and even the people who came to watch a wrestling show here.” This statement gets a lot of cheers from the crowd. Parr continues without paying any attention to that, however. Mike Parr: “However, I need a clean slate here. I haven’t been myself. I want to win. I need a win. I have a feeling you do as well, being a reigning champion. So … XYZ … let’s show those smug pricks that even their stupid stipulations can’t hinder good competition … and good wrestling.” XYZ is rubbing his chin, considering the proposal. Danny Toner: “I’ve decided I do NOT like the cut of Parr’s jibe.” Nova Diamond: “You know, Danny, there is a principle in writing: If the story involves a plan, it will almost always fail if you explain the plan on-screen to the audience. This rah-rah speech makes me wonder if Mike has ever heard of that?” Danny Toner: “Genre savviness is not for everyone, Nova, I’m afraid. He’s eatin’ from the precious time too! It’s already hard to assemble any IKEA furniture in under 20 minutes but Parr wants to put out a good WRESTLING match? What would the audience think about our cashcows-” Nova Diamond: “Sponsors.” Danny Toner: “Right, sponsors. What would people think about our sponsors if guys literally would rather fight each other than build IKEA furniture?” Eventually, the TV champion reaches an answer. XYZ: “You speak sense, Prodigious Michael. I accept your offer.” Danny Toner: “Oh dear, do you smell a time limit draw too, Nova?” Nova Diamond: “Oh brother, I think I lost all sense of smell after all the partying we did prior to the show.” Danny Toner: “Lucky bastard.” Not even paying a simulacrum of attention to the commentary team’s remarks, Parr immediately lunges forward to get a good grappling position but XYZ starts his end of the match by taking a defensive stench, attempting to kick Parr in the shins whenever he gets close enough to him. Parr eventually manages to break defense by taking a faster step than X, grabbing him in a side headlock before transitioning that into a headlock takedown, planting the TV champion right in the mat. Parr then presses on XYZ’s both shoulders with his hands. Parr stomps XYZ in the ribs just when he is trying to get up. With XYZ in a sitting position, Parr kneels down and starts raining elbows on XYZ’s shoulders. He audibly asks his opponent if he’s giving up. The answer is negative, thwarting yet another attempt from Parr to put an early end to this makeshift first phase of the match. Parr throws a few more elbows for good measure before grabbing the Alaskan by the head, trying to bring him back up to his feet. XYZ takes this as an opportunity to push Parr away and immediately follows that up with a dropkick aiming at Prodigy’s chest but it only takes one step to the back for Mike to duck it, XYZ comes crashing down. He tries to get back up holding his chest and that’s when his opponent hits the ropes and smashes XYZ in the face with a massive forearm strike. XYZ is very off-balance despite still being on his feet, Parr grabs him in a headlock position again and picks the nearest corner. He runs towards that corner with X still at his grasp. It doesn’t last that long as the Television champion pushes Mike towards the corner before they could reach there. X then runs after him, planning to smash him in the corner but Parr has jumped on the second rope by then. XYZ hits the brakes before he can collide with the open corner but Parr jumps onto him and nails the Tornado DDT! Parr is up after that move, his eyes already looking at the desk outside with all the table parts. By the time he returns to XYZ, he’s back up to his feet and this time, he successfully hits the standing dropkick. Parr takes the blast to the chest and falls down. By the time he gets back up again, XYZ has already taken flight! His legs wrap around Parr’s neck, he completes the 360 degrees rotation and sends the former North American champion down with a picture-perfect head-scissors takedown! Parr crashes down near the ropes, then he elects to go down the rest of the way by rolling out of the ring after taking that manoeuvre. As The Prodigy tries to catch his breath, XYZ indicates that he’s not done by running the ropes … and jumping out of the ring with a Suicide Dive … … but Parr ducks and XYZ crashes right into the IKEA desk! The impact shakes the desk, with some nuts and dolts even falling to the ground by the result of it. Nova Diamond: “XYZ comes crashing fast and he comes crashing down, ladies and gentlemen! We’ll see how Parr plans to take advantage of this opening … as NTR Meltdown rolls on!” Back from the commercial break, Parr is serving forearm strikes and elbow strikes to the XYZ’s back who remains on the floor. The competitors are still around the same outside area we left them in, but we see that Parr has neatly gathered all the screws and spilled them on the steel steps. He waits XYZ to get up again and when he does, he grabs him and drops him onto the steps with a belly-to-back suplex … and onto the screws just as well! Danny Toner: “That move is … nuts!” Nova Diamond: “To use the screws from the flat pack as a stand-in for thumbtacks! You have to have one screw loose in the head to think of that!” XYZ lays on the floor, in agony, one hand reaching to his back while his opponent walks to the desk with a determined expression on his face. He takes one of the big cylinder table legs and holds it with two hands, the cameras showing a familiar smile on his face, with a familiar weapon in his hands. Danny Toner: “He got himself a metal pipe! Parr’s reuniting with his dear pipe!” Nova Diamond: “Who could ever forget the time Mike Parr piped Michelle von Horrowitz backstage!” Danny Toner: “...” Nova Diamond: “You good, D?” With the game plan set on his mind, Parr crouches over and waits for the Television Champion to stand again. He eventually does, and when he does so, he’s all defenceless against taking a table leg to the stomach! X once again goes down, in pain and holding his stomach. Parr rolls the leg onto the ring before proceeding to repeat that with the three other legs. He sees XYZ try to get himself together and use the barricades to get back on his feet together, which forces The Prodigy to run towards him and go for a successful Shining Wizard. XYZ collides with Parr’s knee, and then the back of his head collides with the barricades. With that out of the way, Parr resumes his job to transfer the table parts to the ring. The baseplates are next, followed by the big wooden top. Danny Toner: “Oh, now he wants to build the table?” Nova Diamond: “Well, he never said he wouldn’t.” Parr has now realised that he probably shouldn’t have used the screws for a spot as he’s busy collecting them from the floor one by one. Nova Diamond: “You wouldn’t have to worry about all that Mike, if you did less GOOD OL’ FASHIONED RASSLIN’ and did more GOOD OL’ FASHIONED TABLE BUILDING!” He’s eventually done with that, and an electric screwdriver is the last thing he grabs before rolling back into the ring. Danny Toner: “Now, comes the borin- I mean exciting part! Assembling the table!” Parr goes on with screwing the first plate in. Chants rise up: “WE WANT WRESTLING!” “WE WANT WRESTLING!” “WE WANT WRESTLING!” Parr looks at the crowd and says with a dejected tone. Mike Parr: “Yeah, me too.” Despite that, he continues to work with the match, grabs the first leg and sticks it to the plate, getting the first leg done. TC2: “Ladies and gentlemen, the first leg is stuck to the table!” Parr’s moving onto the second … but that’s also when the crowd starts cheering again. Parr realises what that means too late as the camera is shown XYZ on the top rope. This shot only lasts for a moment because XYZ jumps immediately … with a gorgeous flying double knee colliding with Parr’s chest, knocking Mike right onto the wooden top of the table! Nova Diamond: “If that had been a regular table, this match would’ve been over already. But the genius of the Reverse Tables Match is that the match continues to go on even after a table spot like that!” Danny Toner: “THIS IS WRESTLING YOU FUCKFACES!” With Parr out for the time being, XYZ gulps as he nervously takes a table leg, looking at the table. Danny Toner: “Yo, Nova, we sure X knows how to assemble IKEA furniture?” Nova Diamond: “Don’t worry, D, as XYZ has been taught on how to assemble this particular table by our Dojo faithful. Coney has even told me that XYZ was an exceptionally quick learner!” Danny Toner: “I’m relieved to hear that, but building a table in a big stage like this in front of everyone is a different beast! Can XYZ handle the pressure????” XYZ is shown screwing in the plate, having let go of the leg after remembering that the plate must be screwed on first. He’s done with that task and all he has left to do is to stick in the leg, which he does successfully! TC2: “Ladies and gentlemen, the second leg is stuck to the table!” XYZ moves onto the third leg, showing more confidence in his table-assembling skills now. Nova Diamond: “He’s shaken off his nerves!” The third plate is screwed in soon. XYZ is close to getting done with the third leg now … but suddenly, he’s on the floor! Parr has hit him in the back with the fourth leg! XYZ goes down and Parr sticks the leg he’s already holding onto the third plate, securing the third leg! TC2: “Ladies and gentlemen, the third leg is stuck to the table!” Danny Toner: “Back to back legs from both competitors here, leaving us with only one to go!” Nova Diamond: “Not only is this such exquisite wrestling action, but some great competitive IKEA furniture building as well! Best of both worlds, I’d say.” Parr is trying to find the fourth plate at the moment, eventually realising that it’s under XYZ’s body as a small silver gleam sticks out to him from near XYZ’s shoulder. Parr moves in to get it but as he gets close, XYZ starts throwing kicks at him from the floor, targeting his ankles. Parr manages to duck a few but XYZ is firing off those kicks at a rapid pace so Parr can’t duck each of them. He eventually has to back away, leaving the last plate to XYZ who grabs onto it while trying to get up. Nova Diamond: “Is he holding the thing hostage?” The Prodigy runs towards XYZ and XYZ runs towards The Prodigy … Double Clothesline! The plate falls down from XYZ’s hand and both men are down! Danny Toner: “This thing is neck-to-neck … leg-to-leg!” The current Television champion prevails over the former North American champion in getting up first, but right after he does, Parr grabs him by the ankle. XYZ tries to stomp him out but Parr pushes him forward first and XYZ collides with one of the already screwed in table legs. XYZ is laying on the reversed top of the table, in between three table legs. Parr takes a moment and looks at the crowd … and then … starts climbing up top rope! Danny Toner: “X has smacked Parr on that wood with his double knees before … so maybe turnabout is fair play here?” Nova Diamond: “We might get a new meaning to ‘X Marks The Spot’ here, Danny!” Parr is all the way up, his back turned to the ring to do his Moonsault - Frog Splash finishing manoeuvre. Mike Parr takes flight … … not knowing that XYZ has grabbed the last remaining table leg and is holding it up. The realisation comes too late as Parr crashes onto the steel pipe! The pipe also crashes into XYZ after the impact but it’s way softer in comparison to how The Prodigy just hit an X Marks The Spot on a steel pipe! Parr is clutching his ribs and in agony, he nearly rolls out of the ring as well due to the force of the impact. XYZ rolls over as well, grabbing an already stuck table leg and using it to help him get back up on his feet. The Television champion puts the plate on the last corner, the screws are thankfully all nearby. He grabs the electric screwdriver, screws one screw in. Two screws. Then three. Nova Diamond: “XYZ is two screws AND a leg away from getting the victory in the first ever ‘Reverse Tables Match’ in FWA programming!” He’s about to go for the fourth screw when he realises that Parr managed to get back up on his feet, clearly shaky after the last impact but still standing nonetheless. Prodigy runs towards XYZ to make a last ditch attempt to stop him … but XYZ hits him in the face with the side of the electric screwdriver! This halts Parr’s momentum completely and knocks him down for what may be the last time in this match-up. Danny Toner: “X better make it quick, only a minute left in this match-up!” The two remaining screws then go into the thing and the leg is stuck to the last plate. Traffic Cone #2: “Ladies and gentlemen, the fourth leg is stuck to the table! Now, it’s time for the referee Jay Kenny to test the table’s strength and possibly bring an end to this match!” With the help of the referee Jay Kenny, XYZ grabs the table and puts it down in a straight position. Jay Kenny hops onto the table. Nova Diamond: “If the referee’s three-count hits, then it means the table is stable enough to give XYZ the win!” Jay Kenny makes the count while seated, gently slapping the table itself to count the ‘pinfall’ ONE… TWO… THREE!!!!! THE TABLE IS STABLE ENOUGH … AND THAT MEANS WE HAVE A WINNER! Result: XYZ wins via table construction at 19:33. |
The crowd pops loudly, incredibly surprised by how sweet the match ended up being.
Danny Toner: “We fuckin’ told you! THIS IS NTR! THIS IS WRESTLING! THIS IS LIVE!”
XYZ helps Parr to his feet and both men shake hands. They know that it could have gone either way and they managed to uphold their professional dignity and actually have a really good match based around assembling a table. XYZ holds his championship aloft to a loud cheer and then leaves the ring. Parr, strangely, is hanging around looking out at the crowd. The crowd begin cheering his name in support of the man who is on a bit of a losing streak, but still one of the most revered, respected, and legendary FWA wrestlers in history. He has a microphone and Parr looks like he’s about to speak but suddenly gets interrupted.
???: “No! No, no, no, NOPE!”
Parr and the crowd look up to see Ryan Rondo, GM for the night, out on the stage holding a microphone of his own.
Ryan Rondo: “No mic time for you, Parr. We don’t want to hear your clean slate promo, you don’t get a fucking clean slate when WE’RE around. We don’t want to hear about your planned redemption arc. Just. Fuck. Off. How DARE you make a mockery of OUR show. How DARE you insult our sponsors. How DARE you eyeball the fuck out of Danny and Nova on your way to the ring. How DARE you stand there, with the might of the NTR Cuckoobird looking down upon you and even THINK for a second that… we weren’t going to take the opportunity to beat the ever-living fuck out of the greatest ever North American Champion?”
Jhunha suddenly enters the ring from the timekeeper position and attacks Mike Parr! Parr struggles to defend himself and eventually is able to use his arm and shoulder to fling an overextended Jhunha over the top rope to the floor. However, Parr only has time to turn around and that’s all he can manage as Nova Diamond and Danny Toner have abandoned the commentary desk and are standing in the ring behind Parr, each brandishing steel chairs. They swing in unison and connect with either side of his head, a sickening thud echoing around the arena as Parr slumps to the ground. The boys immediately begin putting the boots to Parr, stomping all over him in such a vicious fashion that the ring threatens to implode. Rondo saunters down to the ring and casually climbs in. He drags Parr up and places him between his legs before hoisting him onto his shoulders and POWERBOMBING HIM RIGHT THROUGH THE ASSEMBLED IKEA TABLE!!! Danny drops down and starts dry-humping the back off Parr’s head as Nova bows to the Miami crowd. Rondo grins cheekily at the camera and raises the microphone to his lips.
Ryan Rondo: “Oops.”
Cutting backstage the live audience in the Kaseya Arena cheer loudly, with the obligatory catcalls and whistles thrown in as well as we see Gabrielle backstage. She’s dressed modestly, especially for her; just a simple pair of jeans and a black hoody. She fidgets nervously with the zipper as she walks down a hallway, coming to a stop as she stands before a particular door.
Outstretching her hand she goes to knock on it, but stops herself as she just stands there.
Several moments pass by, we can hear slight laughter from the other side of the door.
She mutters to herself about “friends with benefits” and “if she can count on you?” Like she’s rehearsing what she’s going to say.
Then Gabrielle just sighs and walks away, her shoulders drooping as she walks off screen. Her body had concealed the name on the door from the camera, but now we can see ‘FTN’ proudly emblazoned upon the door.
We cut backstage to what is an assembled interview talk-show set up. Christian Quinn sits in a chair behind a desk with a very serious look on his face. The camera zooms in and we can see that Christian is holding a cue-card.
Christian Quinn: “I am scheduled to hold my hit talk-show tonight but before that can begin, I have been told to inform all viewers that due to the heinous attack on Mike Parr that we just witnessed, that Danny Toner, Nova Diamond, and Ryan Rondo… ARE ALL GETTING PAY RISES!!! WOOOOOO!”
Christian slams a button on the desk and piped in crowd cheers and clapping begins.
Christian Quinn: “With that out of the way… WELCOME TO ‘LIGHTS, CHRISTIAN, ACTION’! The hottest talk-show in the wrestling world today! And completely, super-duper, original as well. There are a lot of things we could talk about today: how there aren’t enough Fallouts and Meltdowns to allow for effective story-building between PPV’s, how the Carnal Contendership and Golden Opportunity are dumbass, derivative concepts, how Cyrus Truth is a little bitch who isn’t even defending his North American Championship at Lights Out, or even about the common misconception that Uncle has dared to return to an FWA being ran ragged by Danny Toner and his friends. Butttt, we aren’t talking about ANY of that today. No, today, we’re talking about a little tournament that’s coming up in the FWA… THE FALLOUT ELIMINATOR! And today, exclusively on ‘Lights, Christian, Action’, we are going to hear from the FIRST man to declare his entry into the tournament. Ladies and gentlemen, BIG DICK JACKSON FENIX!!!”
Christian slams the button for the piped in cheers but then quickly presses another button as music begins to play.
[”... Baby One More Time” || Britney Spears]
Jackson Fenix walks out onto the set, all smiles at the theme choice from Christian Quinn, and appears to be in an extremely good mood. As he is halfway across the set, Quinn devilishly smiles and slams another button. The music comes to a screeching halt and is replaced by a new song.
[”Cry Me A River” || Justin Timberlike]
Jackson’s smile is immediately wiped off his face as his smile contorts into a furious frown as he looks at Christian Quinn crooning the lyrics. Quinn gets up off his desk and walks out in front of Jackson, using his crutch for support.
Christian Quinn: “YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY, WHAT YOU DID-ARRRGGGHH!”
Jackson Fenix kicks Christian’s crutch from under him causing him to fall to his knees, Fenix immediately takes Christian’s head off with a Superkick Me Baby One More Time!!! Fenix goes over and slams the “cheer” button on Christian’s desk and then turns around and stares at the camera, fury in his eyes.
Jackson Fenix: “I’ve gotta message for Danny Toner and NTR… WE ARE NOT AFRAID OF YOU. The Undisputed Alliance is not afraid of NTR. The FWA is not afraid of NTR. Vox Potentis are going to beat your asses on Fallout and it’ll be the beginning of the end, mark my words. I just hope it doesn’t come crumbling down before I get a piece of one of you! I hope that I get drawn against one of you bozos in the Fallout Eliminator, but if I don’t… maybe Big Nate and I will just have to come looking anyway!”
The feed abruptly cuts what was almost certainly an unplanned turn in the nights events.
We return to the arena at ringside as the camera shows Ryan Rondo standing on the ramp with a mic.
Ryan Rondo: “Breaking news guys, Jackoff Fenix and Big Dawg aren't afraid of NTR?? Oh me oh my, whatever are we going to do? Well, the first thing we are going to do is… keep going on with OUR show, because WE ARE LIVE and will deal with the Undipshit Alliance in due time. Cucks and cuckettes, you might be wondering why I am here right now instead of this evening’s master of ceremonies. Well, it's because said MC is backstage getting ready to come on out here to compete in the NTR Dojo Fundamentals Only Match!”
A small “NTR” chant breaks out from the smarks as a graphic goes up on the screen showing the NTR Dojo in Ashburn, Virginia, and an explanation of the match rules.
Ryan Rondo: “Let me refresh everyone on the rules of this match: the only legal moves that can precede a pin in this match are core fundamental techniques that all NTR Young Lions must master during their time at the Dojo, which is the rollup, the superkick, and the flip piledriver. Any other wrestling move will result in a disqualification and potentially other consequences! This match is brought to you by Duolingo, proud sponsor of language fundamentals, learn a new language with the world's most-downloaded education app! And to show you how well Duolingo works, I will be announcing our next competitors in Korean!”
[“TC2” || Unknown Artist]
Ryan Rondo: “먼저, 일본 도쿄에서 브라질을 경유해 온 NTR 도장을 대표하여, Traffic Cone #2!”
Traffic Cone #2 comes out from the back, now adorning a very stretched NTR Young Lions Miami Meltdown event t-shirt over his cone-torso. He gives Ryan Rondo a quick handshake before waddle-charging down to the ring.
[”Spin Spin Spin” || Julian Emery & Rupert Philip Lyddon]
Ryan Rondo: “그리고 시애틀 워싱턴에서 온 그의 팀 파트너도 NTR 도장을 대표합니다, Owennnn!”
As “Spin Spin Spin” plays, a very unsure looking Owen comes out from backstage wearing the same custom event shirt. After also giving Rondo a handshake, Owen slaps himself a couple of times and also charges towards the ring.
The lights go down as we go to our next match, encapsulating the arena in darkness, we stay in this darkness as Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus begins to play slowly.
[”Goodbye Horses” || Q Lazzarus]
For a few moments, the arena is almost completely silent, the crowd’s anticipation building when suddenly, a spotlight flickers on at the top of the ramp, revealing two groups of officials (One of them looking suspiciously like The Boulder) pushing an upright dolly. Strapped to the dolly, wearing the iconic straightjacket and metal muzzle mask, is none other than “The Top Star”, Aaron Harrows. And following close behind in a fitted fitted tactical jacket but in one change from the iconic “Silence of The Lambs” movie they are clearly parodying. where the letters “FBI” one stood, it has now been replaced with the words “CU”.
Ryan Rondo: “Their opponents, not worthy of a Korean ring announcement entrance - but that entrance is kinda cool guys, nice - “The Top Star” - wait, seriously? - Aaron Harrows and “The Redeemer” - redeem deez nutz Brooks! - Brooklyn Steiner!!!”
Nova Diamond: ”It is fitting that these two are doing a cannibal cosplay because TCU are about to get eaten alive by The Young Boys!!!”
Danny Toner: “Don’t call ‘em that near Steiner dude, it makes him uncomfortable.”
The duo cosplaying as Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling stay true to their characters as Brooklyn directing the guards to go down to the ring as Harrows’s eyes shine through the mask, scanning the arena slowly, taking in the crowd with unsettling calm especially unsettling for the normally quite energetic Harrows. As the dolly reaches the bottom of the ramp, the guards stop, positioning the former X-4 competitor at the edge of the ring facing the Traffic Cone and the Intern. With Brooklyn again taking charge here as he tells the guards to unbuckle Harrows’ restraints, which they do unstrapping him from the dolly and letting Brooklyn’s tag partner out as he rises to his feet.
The mask stays on for just a few more moments as the last of restraints are released. Harrows stares down Cinematic Universe’s opponents for the evening, as they clearly seem to be a little bit disturbed by the events transpiring. Finally Brooklyn takes off the mask himself to reveal a grinning smile on Harrows’ face, The Top Star taking a deep breath. Brooklyn looks ready and focused as he centers his sight on Traffic Cone #2 and Owen the Intern. Meanwhile Harrows takes off the last bit of his attire, the straightjacket to reveal…
A NTR shirt?
Danny Toner: “Fuckin’ POP.”
Nova Diamond: “Knew I liked this dude.”
Even Brooklyn seems slightly caught off guard a bit as Harrows gestures his shirt to the duo who are visibly a lot more relieved as Aaron Harrows reveals himself as a fan of the takeover. Aaron looks over at his teammate
Aaron Harrows: “What? They were giving these out backstage. Plus these guys said they would have signed me ages ago if they could have so.”
Brooklyn tilts his head a bit still unsure but goes with it as they each individually enter the ring and pose to the camera as the Semi-Finalists of the The ETTC: Redemption Bracket look ready to fight.
THIRD MATCH | 1/20. Cinematic Universe (Aaron Harrows and Brooklyn Steiner) vs. Traffic Cone #2 and Owen the Intern. NTR Dojo Fundamentals Only Match Sponsored By Duolingo. Match Writer: huh. |
| The bell sounds as Aaron Harrows and Brooklyn Steiner continue to debate as to who is going to start the match. On the other side of the ring, TC2 is ready to go as Owen starts on the outside. After a moment, Aaron Harrows exits to the apron as Brooklyn Steiner stays in the ring. Danny Toner: “Would ya look at that? Brooklyn steppin’ up big time here!” Nova Diamond: “Takes a hell of a man to square off against Coney, a lot of people don’t want to do it!” Steiner and TC2 lock up, with Steiner almost immediately overwhelming TC2. Steiner pushes TC2 into a corner with seeming ease, only for TC2 to suddenly fling himself sideways while backpedalling! Steiner stumbles forward, and TC2 slithers behind Steiner and tries the Coneoerotic Undercones rollup! 1!!! Steiner kicks out at 1 and rolls away, but TC2 stays on him and tries to Oklahoma Roll Steiner!! 1!!!! Steiner kicks out again at 1, and as they separate, Steiner fakes a superkick which causes TC2 to flinch. The two keep their distance for a moment as the crowd cheers and Steiner considers how to deal with TC2’s unique body shape. Danny Toner: “You may have wrestled away those dirty, dark, allegations Brooky, but whatchu gonna do against the spherical sultan!?” Nova Diamond: “Some might say that Brooklyn looking like he has got no idea on what to do against Coney!” Harrows tags Steiner by the shoulder and inserts himself into the matchup. TC2 looks over at Owen, who freezes for a moment and then mouths the word “wait” at TC2. TC2 nods and stays in the ring vs Harrows, who seems much more active and up for the matchup. TC2 suddenly shoots for the leg, but Harrows is ready for it and pushes TC2’s pointy cone-head down. Harrows then tries to position TC2 for a flip piledriver, but TC2 drops back to a knee just as Harrows is about to flip! Harrows uses his legs to trap TC2’s arms and instead flips to the side, rolling TC2 up crucifix-style! 1!!! 2!!!! TC2 kicks out! As he gets up, Harrows throws a superkick at the kneeling TC2 which just misses! TC2 tries to roll Harrows up, but Harrows counter-rolls forward preemptively. TC2 tries to close the distance on Harrows but as he lunges forward, Harrows cracks him on the side of his cone-torso with a superkick! Nova Diamond: “Murmurs backstage where that Harrows wasn’t too hot on the idea of a fundamentals match, but as much as it pains me to say; The Top Star is adapting well here!” Danny Toner: “FUCKIN’ FLIP PILEDRIVE SOMEONE OWEN!!!” TC2 falls face down to the mat, but before Harrows can try to pin him, Owen runs up on the apron and swipes at Harrows to distract him. Harrows looks up and backs off as TC2 stirs, yelling something inaudible at Owen. As Harrows backs up, Brooklyn Steiner calls for the tag and gets it. Brooklyn enters the ring, but gestures at Owen to tag in. TC2 crawls to his corner, and after a moment of hesitation, Owen does indeed tag himself in and enters the ring. Danny Toner: “Oh ya done it now, Steiner!” Nova Diamond: “PRIME OWEN - ACTIVATE!!!” Looking determined, Owen steps up to Brooklyn Steiner, who shakes his head at the NTR Young Boy. Steiner steps away and revs up a superkick, but Owen takes the chance while Steiner is on one leg to dive in and roll Steiner up!! 1!!! 2!!!! Steiner kicks out as Harrows yells something to his tag team partner. Owen waits for Steiner to get up and tries to launch a superkick of his own, but Steiner sees it coming and throws out his own superkick, and Steiner's longer leg connects first! Owen eats the kick and falls backwards in the ring. He tries to get up but is woozy, and falls right into Steiner, who then CRUSHES Owen with a flip piledriver!! Danny Toner: “THAT’S OWEN’S MOVE!” Nova Diamond: “YOU UNORIGINAL CHUCKLEFUCK!” The impact of the flip piledriver, however, flings Owen out of the ring via under the bottom ropes. Steiner slams the mat in frustration that he can’t pin Owen as TC2 jumps off the apron to tend to Owen. Steiner looks outside the ring and climbs the corner. He looks ready to hit a trademark high-flying manoeuvre to the outside on Owen and TC2, but Harrows moves over to the corner on his side of the apron and reminds Steiner “FUNDAMENTALS ONLY!”. Steiner gives Harrows a look and then climbs down from the corner as the crowd boos Harrows. Nova Diamond: “In the immortal words of Masai Ujiri: ‘FUCK BROOKLYN!’.” Steiner tags Harrows, who jumps off the apron and goes to roll Owen back into the ring after shooing TC2 away. Harrows rolls back into the ring himself, only for a possum-playing Owen to suddenly spring up and blast Harrows with a superkick!! Harrows falls back into the ring ropes as Owen uses the last of his second wind to lunge and tag TC2 in! Danny Toner: “Wait, who taught Owen how to freakin’ play possum?” Segments of the audience ironically cheer the hot tag as TC2 comes into the ring and immediately tries to roll up Aaron Harrows! 1!!! 2!!!! Harrows reverses the rollup into a rollup of his own!! 1!!! 2!!!! The two separate and both get the same idea to hit the ring ropes. Harrows launches another superkick but TC2 ducks under, continues running the ropes, and on the rebound hits Harrows with the Torpedo Moscone!! 1!!! 2!!!! Harrows wriggles out! TC2 tries to chain-rollup Harrows again as Harrows is getting up, but Harrows leg sweeps TC2 and rolls TC2 up for a second, before intentionally releasing the rollup. As TC2 sits up, Harrows catches him flush with a short superkick!! Danny Toner: “SHIT!” Nova Diamond: “That REALLY connected. Unlike Vox Potentis with the crowd. Harrows covers!! 1!!! 2!!!! TC2 kicks out! Harrows can't believe it and tries to position TC2 for a flip piledriver again, but TC2 resists. TC2 bull-rushes Harrows into the corner in an attempt to fend off the piledriver, where Steiner tags himself in. Steiner leaps over the top rope and pulls TC2 away from Harrows. TC2 senses Steiner behind him and tries to leg trap Steiner into a rollup, but Steiner blocks it and suddenly slams TC2 to the mat!!! Nova Diamond: “HEY, THAT WAS A REDEMPTION SLAM!!!” Danny Toner: “HE CHEATED!!!” Harrows and Steiner look at each other as Jay Kenny calls for the bell. Jhunha rings the bell over and over and Steiner pleads his case with Jay Kenny. Result: The NTR Dojo wins via disqualification at 09:21. |
The match is over and the Miami crowd seems confused as to what actually went down; it is only when TC2 limply crawls towards the edge of the ring and is handed a microphone to resume his ring announcing duties that some clarity is provided;
TC2: “Here… are your winners… as… a res-result of… a disqualification… THE N… T… R… DOJO!”
Nova Diamond: “And damn right too - that Redemption Slam was not allowed! CONEY HAS A FAMILY!”
Despite the announcement being made, Brooklyn continues to remonstrate with Jay Kenny, who shakes his head to make it clear that the decision is final. Harrows joins his partner in the protest and tensions seem to be in the process of rising.
Danny Toner: “Woah, woah… I think things could be about to kick off here, Nova… reckon we should do the responsible thing and intervene?”
The clunking of headsets indicates that the pair on commentary have once again departed from their station and the crowd expresses some displeasure as Toner and Nova stand behind Harrows and Steiner with steel chairs in their hands - very similarly to how Mike Parr was stalked earlier on - BUT THE CINEMATIC UNIVERSE TURN AROUND AND CATCH NTR IN THE ACT! Both Harrows and Steiner seem confused and seem to question what was about to happen, but Toner and Diamond play it off for laughs!
Nova drops his chair and playfully boops Harrows on the nose, joking about how he almost got him and Toner laughs uncomfortably loudly at the whole situation. More laughter is heard through the speaker system as Ryan Rondo appears once again on the screen. This time he is once again backstage in his decadent office for the evening.
Ryan Rondo: “HAHA! You two guys, you thwarted our plans! How observant, how diligent of you both. It is no surprise two people so in tune with the movies could have seen our little twist coming a mile away… boy, you really got us.”
As Rondo speaks, the tension in the ring begins to ease somewhat. Cinematic Universe drop their guard slightly and look up to Rondo on the screen to see what else he has to say.
Ryan Rondo: “But really, all Danny and Nova wanted to do was congratulate the two of you on a job well done-”
Rondo continues to talk but all of a sudden it becomes impossible to hear what he is saying. Whatever it is he is saying seems to be hilarious as he laughs to himself as he does so, but he remains wholly unaware that no one else is privy to his jibes. In the ring, the rest of NTR are confused as well, not sure what to do… UNTIL JAY KENNY GRABS AARON HARROWS FROM BEHIND AND LOCKS HIM IN THE ZULU! Steiner is about to intervene - BUT TONER JABS HIM IN THE MIDSECTION WITH HIS STEEL CHAIR!! The fans are less than impressed and start to jeer the beating down of the fan favourites.
Harrows falls limp in the hold and Kenny releases him, and Toner drives the end of the chair down into Brooklyn’s throat whilst TC2, Owen and Jhunha watch on. Nova Diamond takes the microphone from Coney and lifts it up. Meanwhile, Ryan Rondo is still talking to no one in the background on the screen.
Nova Diamond: “It is a real shame you can’t hear what Ryan is saying right now, he worked really hard on his monologue for this very moment, plenty of references-”[/color/
As Nova pauses, Rondo can be seen talking to a skull he holds in his palm.
Nova Diamond: “Whilst we deal with these technical difficulties-”[/color/
SUDDENLY THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND THE ARENA IS PLUNGED INTO DARKNESS! The fans cheer, expecting something to happen, but after a couple of seconds, vision is restored and the scene in the ring is exactly how it was left. Toner leaves Steiner alone and seems to question what is going on - Rondo’s office is also no longer being shown on the screen. Nova laughs and sticks his tongue out.
Nova Diamond: “Everything is fine, people. I’m sure the guys in the truck are just having some trouble. Jhunha, why don’t you get back there and make sure everything is working as it should be?”[/color/
Jhunha nods and leaves the ring, making haste on his way to the back. Toner takes charge of the microphone but before he speaks he shoves Harrows out of the ring with his boot and Kenny deposits Steiner down next to him.
Danny Toner: “THAT’S RIGHT! WE ARE STILL LITTLE BITCHES!”
THEY’RE WHAT?! Toner’s eyes bug out and he looks at the microphone in shock as the rest of the group start asking him what he is talking about but he protests - just as everyone heard - that that wasn’t his voice! He drops the microphone and recoils from it as if it was a live grenade… and then all of a sudden Rondo’s office is shown on the screen… AND RONDO IS SLUMPED OVER ON HIS DESK!!! SOMEONE TOOK HIM OUT! A small pool of blood has formed around the GM’s head and a steel chair is thrown into the shot from behind the camera.
Back in the ring, NTR are livid, shouting all sorts of obscenities in their panic. The feed then shifts to Jhunha backstage as the large man strides powerfully towards the NTR production truck in the parking lot. NTR are shown watching this from in the ring, confused about what is going on and how they’re seemingly losing control of the show. Jhunha walks closer to the high door at the top of some steps… BUT THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN AND CATCHES JHUNHA FLUSH IN THE FACE - AND KNOCKS HIM FLAT TO THE FLOOR!!! As the camera focuses on Jhunha, the top of the screen shows the open doorway and a pair of legs appear, and they call down to him.
???: “God dammit! Oh shit… sorry, I guess…”
The camera slowly pans upwards to reveal… CHRIS PEACOCK!!! The crowd cheers loudly as Peacock winces at the accident he caused to Jhunha. In the ring, Nova and Toner are IRATE… and it gets worse for them when ALYSTER BLACK ARRIVES NEXT TO JHUNHA! FTN HAVE BREACHED THE PRODUCTION TRUCK!!! Black’s hands are covered in blood, which seems to answer the question of what happened to Ryan Rondo.
Alyster Black: “What happened to him?”
Chris Peacock: “I think I blew our cover.”
Alyster Black: “Was only a matter of time until you screwed this up. I knew it all along.”
Chris Peacock: “Fuck off. Rondo taken care of?”
Alyster Black: “Yep.”
Chris Peacock: “Sweet. Shall we take this show back then?”
Alyster Black: “Yep.”
Chris Peacock: “Dope.”
Peacock stands at the top of the steps and shrugs, measuring Jhunha… AND HE CRASHES DOWN ON TOP OF HIM WITH A FROG SPLASH!! The impact of his knees on the concrete causes him to groan for a moment and then the FWA World Tag Team Champions begin walking towards the arena entrance. A security guard wearing an NTR shirt runs over to them but Black floors him with a single punch. FTN then disappear into the arena through a set of double doors.
In the ring, NTR are stunned. Owen and TC2 begin to panic and ask Toner and Diamond what they should do, but the command is to stay together. Rondo and Jhunha got picked off because they were on their own. Toner and Diamond then both share looks of horror and stare at each other, simultaneously saying one word;
“QUINN!”
THE FEED THEN SMASH CUTS TO FTN KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF CHRISTIAN QUINN! The Lights, Christian, Action set is in pieces as Black is on top of the interviewer, punching him repeatedly in the face. Peacock exclusively stomps on the same knee that he permanently injured two and a half years earlier. Quinn pleads with them to stop, and FTN appear to show a bit of mercy and they get up from on top of him.
Chris Peacock: “Move on?”
Alyster Black: “What exactly did you have in mind?”
Chris Peacock: “I dunno… Ring?”
The tag champions share a nod and Peacock gives the camera a cheeky wink and the two progress on out of the shot. Peacock stands on Quinn’s leg as he walks past him.
Back to the ring, Toner is doing his best Braveheart impression to rally the troops. He shouts that there is five of them and only two coming for them. This is promising news to the Young Lions.
GANGPLANK GALLEON
More cheers go up as the music plays and after a few seconds, FTN APPEAR ON THE STAGE! The FWA World Tag Team Champions smile and laugh at the people in the ring before doing a bit of maths themselves to take account of the numbers. NTR can be seen nodding their heads in a smug attempt to discourage FTN from going any further… but their faces soon drop.
Peacock and Black stand aside… as DIAMOND DOGS, JOE BURR, VIOLET DREYER AND BIG DICK ALL JOIN THEM ON THE STAGE! IT’S AN FTN FAMILY AFFAIR! The numbers are now seven-on-five and for the first time, they are AGAINST NTR! The crowd cheers loudly as PEACOCK AND BLACK LEAD THE CHARGE - THE FTN FAMILY ARE GOING FOR THE RING!
Jay Kenny is the first one out of the ring to meet them… BUT HE GETS TACKLED DOWN BY A RECOVERED HARROWS AND STEINER!!! Cinematic Universe both bundle on top of Kenny AND SEND HIM INTO THE STEEL STEPS! Harrows rips the NTR shirt off and throws it down at Kenny in anger.
Cinematic Universe then stare at the tag champions and they step aside! There is an appreciative nod from Peacock for their intervention and the FTN Family then surround the ring, with Peacock and Black stepping inside to deal with NTR themselves. Dongarelli and Vance put the boots to Kenny and roll him back into the ring.
Trapped and realising an uneven fight is their only way out, NTR look to make a stand. Owen is thrust forwards… BUT BLACK TEARS THROUGH THE INTERN WITH A ONE SHOT KILL!!! Owen is then tossed out of the ring by Black… AS PEACOCK STRIKES KENNY WITH A STRUT!!! With two Young Lions down, attention turns to the third as the principles run out of shields.
TC2 is able to scramble out of the ring unnoticed due to his size, but he runs into Joe Burr! Burr looks unsure for a moment, watching as Coney tries to pull himself up over the barricade… and Burr seemingly HELPS Traffic Cone #2 get away! The cone scurries off into the distance and Burr then gets into the ring to join the rest of the group who are crowding Nova and Toner in the middle of the ring..
The cockiness and self-assured attitudes of Danny Toner and Nova Diamond that have been present throughout the show are gone. They both share a nod and NTR DECIDE TO NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT! Toner goes straight for Peacock with a Headbutt that catches Chris on the nose and Diamond manages to hit both Diamond Dogs with punches, but is quickly grabbed in a Bearhug by Big Dick. Toner turns around… INTO A ONE HIT KILL FROM VIOLET DREYER!! Toner goes down and Big Dick sends Nova back to the Diamond Dogs… Rick sets Nova up and holds him up as Sonny D climbs onto the top rope… CLUNGE PLUNGE!!!!
The Family have brought Toner and Diamond to the mat and they’re left lying next to each other. Black and Peacock both step up onto the top ropes themselves and the rest of the FTN Family gets the crowd going in anticipation… AS FTN FLY FROM THE TURNBUCKLES AND HIT STEREO FROG SPLASHES!!!
The FWA World Tag Team Champions rise to their feet to a HUGE ovation from the fans in Miami, having taken back the show and no one looks happier than JON RUSSNOW - who walks out onto the stage in applause. In the ring, Peacock has a microphone and he looks around at the chaos caused by FTN on NTR’s special night. He teabags Nova Diamond and then stands up right once more to address the crowd.
Chris Peacock: “You fuckers actually thought that we’d let you pull this shit? This isn’t your fucking show and it never was. From this moment, everything goes back to how it was - get Rod and Anzu out here - and the main event- huh?”
Black whispers something in Peacock’s ear and he nods his head with a grin.
Chris Peacock: “Okay fine, we’ll leave the main event how it is. Making Nephews have to fight in a DILF Deathmatch is pretty fuckin’ funny so you’ve got us there. We’ll give you that one.
“But let this be a warning, lads. The FWA is not prepared to let you have your way with it, anymore. You’ve had your fun but now it’s time to face the consequences of your actions, boys. We learned it the hard way at Lights Out last year and if you two pricks manage to win on Monday night then we’re more than happy to teach you that very same lesson.
“So make sure to remember what happened tonight, gentlemen. Because we will. Because everyone in the back will. They’ll remember that you’re not untouchable and they’ll realise that if they wanted to they can stop you pulling any of your shit any time they want. And if they can’t… well, just know that we fuckin’ can!”
Holding a single finger up in the air, Peacock grows a sinister smirk on his face. He passes the microphone to his tag team partner as the group walk around the ring in triumph.
Alyster Black: “There’s just one more thing left to do. One final thing. Boys, that’s a mighty fine production truck you’ve got out there. But here’s the thing… our truck is a lot better.”
Some lucidity comes back to Danny Toner as he looks up from the mat at the screen as Peacock points at it. Chris then drops to a knee and holds Toner’s head up, forcing him to look.
The NTR production truck is shown, with Jhunha now standing in front of it, holding the back of his head. Suddenly a honking can be heard inside the parking lot and then the loud revving of an engine. Jhunha quickly runs away out of the shot as he can see what we cannot.
Chris Peacock: “Danny, WE’RE NOT LIVE ANYMORE! ALLEN - YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!”
In the parking lot, the camera swings around to show FTN’S CUM TRUCK! The vehicle’s appearance gets a huge cheer from the crowd even though ALLEN PRICE IS IN THE DRIVING SEAT! PRICE PUTS HIS FOOT DOWN…
AND HE CRASHES THE CUM TRUCK INTO THE NTR PRODUCTION TRUCK!!!! THE FEED CRACKLES, STATIC, DISTORTED CHEERS AND THE HORRIFIED SCREAMS OF DANIEL TONER CAN BE HEARD… AND THE FEED COMPLETELY CUTS OUT!
["Here Comes Revenge” || Metallica.]
Katie-Lynn Goldsmith: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following is your main event, and is a trios ‘DILF deathmatch’ scheduled for one-fall…"
ONE-FALL!
Katie-Lynn Goldsmith: "… with a twenty minute time limit. In this match, there are no disqualifications, and falls count anywhere! Introducing first, from the Realm of Despair… weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds… VENGADOR!!"
Vengador walks out onto the stage to a generally positive reaction, with ‘the Dubb’ at his side. He surveys the arena whilst loosening up, and then makes his way down the ramp.
Rod Sterling: "It’s great to be back on the desk, Anzu - finally that lunacy has been brought to a halt!”
Anzu Kurosawa: “I was kinda enjoying it… but all good things must come to an end!”
Rod Sterling: “You confuse me sometimes, Anzu. But anyway, here comes a man who is desperate to get one in the W column tonight, after a string of less than favourable results for the big man."
Anzu Kurosawa: "Fortunately, tonight he has a couple of friends on his side."
Rod Sterling: "Sure, friends..."
Vengador enters the rings and runs the ropes as his music fades out. Then…
[["In Dreams" || Roy Orbison.]]
The reaction is more mixed as Michelle von Horrowitz appears on the stage.
Katie-Lynn Goldsmith: "His partners: first, from Rotterdam in the Netherlands and weighing in at fifty two kilograms… ‘Dreamer’... Michelle von Horrowitz!"
Already showing something of a disconnect with her teammate (or at least one of them), Michelle waits on the stage as her music fades out. It’s replaced by…
[”No Love” || Death Grips.]
There’s a momentary air of confusion in the arena, even for the ring announcer, as the song - not the song of Ton Tonton, but rather that of Uncle - plays. The only person who seems to be in on it is Dreamer, who still stands on the stage with a knowing look on her face.
Kate-Lynn Goldsmith: ”And… from the Cosmos… he weighs in at a compressed seventy four kilograms… ‘Ton Tonton’... J.J. JI!"
JI! appears on stage, staring up at the speakers by the screen with his hands on his hips. He turns to face Michelle, and the camera is close enough to hear him shouting over the music.
J.J. JI! (off-mic): ”They’re playing the wrong music!"
MvH (off-mic): ”Are they?"
J.J. JI! (off-mic): ”This isn’t my music!"
MvH (off-mic): ”Isn’t it?"
JI! Ponders for a moment, before a smile emerges onto his hitherto confused face.
J.J. JI! (off-mic): “You’re right, Rêveur! As long as I am walking down the ramp, it is my music! Kind of catchy, too. Let’s go."
With that, Tonton walks down the ramp. Michelle appears momentarily flustered at the no-sell, but eventually follows him dutifully towards the ring. Vengador holds the rings open for his new friend, Ton Tonton climbing through them and greeting them fondly. The bounty hunter doesn’t continue holding the ropes open for Michelle, who climbs in and stands a little aloof from her teammates. Then…
["]I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE" || Maneskin.]
There’s another positive reaction in the arena as the current Trios champions emerge onto the stage, their belts in tow ahead of this non-title contest.
Katie-Lynn Goldsmith: "And introducing their opponents… they are the current FWA Trios Champions… the team of Jin-ho, ‘TheTranceQueen’ Luna Piper and ‘THE MALTESE FALCON’ ALEJANDROOOO GIIIIIIUNTIIII!!"
Giunti walks in the centre of the trio, with Luna on his left shoulder and Jin-Ho to the right.
Rod Sterling: "Here come our FWA Trios Champions, who took those championships from Tr1ck or Tr4sh back in August… but this is the first time we’ve seen them compete as a threesome since that event in New York City."
Anzu Kurosawa: "Alejandro Giunti has been sort of busy, Rod, with the Golden Opportunity match less than three weeks ago inside the Steel Roulette. The Maltese Falcon impressed in that contest, surviving until the end before finally being eliminated by Katsu, the eventual winner."
Rod Sterling: "Giunti has indeed been preoccupied by other duties, but it appears the Trios Championships are being rested at the upcoming Lights Out pay-per-view, too. One would hope to see them defended sooner rather than later, and if Giunti, Piper, and Ho are unsuccessful tonight, we may have ourselves a set of challengers."
Anzu Kurosawa: "Never thought I’d see you campaigning for an MvH title shot, Rod."
Rod Sterling: "I said if they’re unsuccessful, Anzu."
The champions leave their belts in the timekeeper’s area before entering the ring. All six of them loosen up in their respective corners: with no rules in this ‘DILF deathmatch’, there is no need for any tags. The official issues his final instructions, conducts his final checks, and then finally calls for the bell.
FOURTH MATCH | MAIN EVENT | 1/20. Alejandro Giunti, Luna Piper, and Jin-Ho vs. ’Ton Tonton’ J.J. JI!, Michelle von Horrowitz, and Vengador. DILF Deathmatch Sponsored By Dennys. Match Writer: supinesnake. |
| << 00:00. >> The match starts and, immediately, Michelle and Luna climb out of the ring to look beneath it. Jin-Ho and Alejandro, meanwhile, storm towards Tonton and Vengador - Giunti takes JI! out with a clothesline, following up with a reverse chin lock, whilst Jin-Ho backs Vengador up towards the corner with a series of right hands. Until, that is, Vengador ducks beneath one, and fires back with right hands of his own, backing Jin-Ho up into the ropes and then sending him over them with a clothesline! All the while, weapons from the outside are thrown into the ring by Michelle and Luna. Some are more traditional - a chair, a trashcan, and a fire extinguisher - whilst others are more unique to this specific match-up. A pair of old ASICS trainers, a brown leather belt with a target label, and an unused (still packaged) utility hammer land on the mat as Jin-Ho, Giunti, Tonton, and Vengador fight. Rod Sterling: "I guess the questionable fashion choices and hardware is what makes a deathmatch a ‘DILF deathmatch’..." Anzu Kurosawa: "Seems tenuous, Rod." Next, both Dreamer and Piper collect tables from beneath the ring, which they set up on opposite sides of it. In the ring, Vengador turns away from Jin-Ho, who is now sprawling on the outside in the vicinity of Dreamer, and turns around to face Tonton and Giunti. The Falcon still has his reverse chin lock in place, but isn’t able to keep it when Vengador charges him with a big boot! Vengador helps Tonton to his feet, checking that his new friend is okay, before the pair hoist Alejandro up to a vertical base. They back him into the ropes, combining for an Irish whip into the opposite set, and then taking him out with a double clothesline! Tonton goes for the cover… ONE… TWO… NO! Giunti gets the shoulder up! Meanwhile, on the outside, Dreamer has finished setting up her table, and she collects the nearby Jin-Ho. She drives him down to the floor with a Russian leg sweep! Dreamer follows up with some stomps, but doesn’t realise that Piper - having finished setting up her table - coming up behind her. Luna turns Michelle around, connects with a boot to the midsection, and then spikes MvH down on the outside with a DDT! Piper slides into the ring just as Tonton and Vengador have Giunti in a front facelock, looking to take him over with a double suplex. Piper drags Tonton away from Alejandro, though, leaving Vengador to hit the Falcon with a regular suplex. Luna connects with a series of forearms and kicks, before nailing JI! with a swinging neckbreaker! Vengador is slower to rise, and is hit with a shotgun dropkick by Piper! The big man hits the turnbuckles and then rolls onto the outside. Luna turns back towards Tonton, collecting him and connecting with a backdrop suplex!! Piper goes for a cover… ONE… TWO.. T – NO! Tonton kicks out, and Luna goes back to work… *** << 07:45. >> Jin-Ho and Tonton are exchanging blows on the outside of the ring, whilst Vengador and Giunti do the same at the foot of the ramp. Tonton appears to be getting the better of his exchange, whilst Giunti is overwhelming Vengador with forearm strikes, followed by a jumping DDT on the ramp! Inside the ring, Piper has sent Michelle to the mat with a German suplex, and then collects the trashcan, already dented by previous use. Michelle is on all fours as Luna brings the trashcan down onto her back! Dreamer at first slumps to the mat, before pushing herself up onto her knees… only for Piper to again bring the trashcan crashing down, this time over her head! Before Dreamer slumps to the mat, Luna keeps her upright with a fist-full of hair, before placing the trashcan over her head and shoulders. Piper backs up to the ropes and connects with another shotgun dropkick! Dreamer finally slumps to the mat, allowing Piper drag Michelle by the legs out of the trashcan, before making the cover… ONE… TWO… T - NO! Shoulder up from Michelle! On the outside, Giunti has lifted Vengador up and whipped him into the barricade. After a trio of knife edge chops, he spies the table that Luna set up earlier in the match, adjusting it slightly before dragging Vengador over to it. He slams the big man down face-first onto the top of it, before positioning him on it. Alejandro proceeds to climb up onto the apron, the audience willing him on as he looks down at Vengador on the table. Rod Sterling: "This audience is hyped as Alejandro Giunti gears up for an aerial attack…" Anzu Kurosawa: "He’s maybe thinking of his flying elbow drop, or perhaps even the Mediterranean press…" We don’t find out, though, because as he’s preparing to leap, MvH reverses a Luna Piper Irish whip inside the ring, sending Piper into a collision with Giunti! Alejandro grips onto the ropes to stop from falling, but Michelle follows up with a double arm underhook DDT in the ring on Piper, getting a two count for her troubles. Vengador, meanwhile, stirs from his table, climbing to his feet and then joining Giunti on the apron. Vengador lays into the Falcon with some machine gun chops! Giunti is staggered, and Vengador is able to hoist him up into a fireman’s carry… Rod Sterling: "Spinning Samon drop!!! From the apron, through the table!!" The table explodes, and so does the table beneath the weight of Vengador and Giunti!! Amidst the roaring, Vengador is able to make a cover on the outside… ONE… TWO… THR – NO! The pin is broken up by Jin-Ho, who forces Tonton back into the pile with a rugby tackle! The audience applauds the exploits of all six competitors as the match rolls on… *** << 15:15. >> In the ring, Michelle has expelled Luna from it with a big back body drop to the outside, and is now taking the fight to Jin-Ho. She has the brown, leather belt introduced earlier, and proceeds to whip Jin-Ho with it, before fastening it around his neck, attempting to choke out the K-pop star! Rod Sterling: "Michelle von Horrowitz is upping the ante as we roll on past fifteen minutes… but Alejandro Giunti is back in the ring! He charges Michelle down…" Anzu Kurosawa: "Dreamer ducks the attempted lariat, and takes Giunti down with a drop toe hold!! Onto a steel chair!" Michelle takes the opportunity with Giunti incapacitated to pick up the utility hammer. She attempts to remove the packaging, but finds the vacuum pack a little resistant. She eventually gives up, throwing the hammer back to the mat and turning to face Giunti… who is already back to his feet, and he doubles her over with a spin kick to the gut! Famouser from Giunti!! Katie-Lynn Goldsmith: ”Ladies and gentlemen, this is your… FOUR MINUTE WARNING!” Rod Sterling: "Michelle von Horrowitz is in position in the centre of the ring, and once more Alejandro Giunti wants to go high-risk. He climbs up to the top rope, slowly but surely…" Anzu Kurosawa: "But Ton Tonton is back in the ring… and he has a pair of Asics in his hands!! He’s channeling his inner Muntadhar al-Zaidi!" JI! hurls the first shoe at Giunti, with Alejandro evading, but losing his balance as a result. The second shoe makes full contact with the Falcon’s face!! He loses his footing completely, first landing on the apron before rolling down to the outside. This leaves JI! and Michelle alone in the ring, with the COSMIC HORROR helping Dreamer up to her feet. There's a moment of silence, of pause, as the two look into each other's eyes, perhaps recognition on each of their faces… … but any potential reunions are cut short, as Luna Piper slides back into the ring, and charges into the back of MvH with an axe handle. Dreamer hits the mat, and Piper tries to follow up with a lariat on Tonton. He backpedals towards the ropes and then drops to the mat, pulling the top rope down with him and causing Luna to propel over it, towards the table that is set up on the outside. She stops herself on the apron, though, and sees Tonton trying to knock her off it with the apron. She blocks the blow, fires back with one of her own, and then clutches Tonton in a front facelock. Anzu Kurosawa: “Luna Piper is going for a suplex out of the ring on the, um, undersized Tonton. Let's hope that she has the power…” Rod Sterling: “I'm not sure she does. Tonton clings into the ropes to stop her from managing it… and then rakes the eyes!” Anzu Kurosawa: “PINK MIST! PINK MIST!! Luna is blinded on the apron!” Rod Sterling: “Tonton climbs out next to her, and he has her by the throat… CHOKESLAM FROM THE APRON! THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!” The crowd loses their mind again, as JI! carefully climbs down alongside Piper. Breathing heavily, he sinks down into a cover, hooking the far leg… ONE… TWO… THREE! Result: Ton Tonton, Vengador, and Michelle von Horrowitz wins via pinfall at 17:20. |
Katie-Lynn Goldsmith: “Here are your winners… Ton Tonton, Vengador, and Michelle von Horrowitz!!”
Tonton is back to his feet on the outside, just in time for Vengador to arrive to celebrate with him. The pair engage in a warm embrace, the bounty hunter thrilled that Tonton has just helped to put his losing streak to bed. JI! is pleased that Vengador is pleased, and reciprocates the hug. Michelle, meanwhile, watches on somewhat begrudgingly from inside the ring.
Rod Sterling: “It’s a win for Vengador, which will certainly be uplifting for him given his current streak of bad luck, but it doesn’t look like every member of the team is quite so happy about this celebratory scene…”
Anzu Kurosawa: “Be that as it may, Vengador, Tonton, and MvH have just defeated the trios champions… which perhaps puts them in line for a future title shot?”
Rod Sterling: “By the usual rules of engagement, absolutely, but… well, it doesn’t look like Michelle von Horrowitz, for one, is all that interested in where this menage-a-trois goes next.”
Indeed, Dreamer is already half-way up the ramp, a scowl on her face as she continues to march. Tonton watches her leave, a look of bemusement and maybe disappointment on his own visage, before turning back to Vengador to further celebrate their triumph. We fade to black.
-- CLOSING SEGMENT --
