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Post by supinesnake on Jul 31, 2024 17:10:37 GMT
Aaaaaaand today's reads:
Undisputed Xperienx.
If I had to do a list of my top ten favourite senses (perhaps for a discord countdown), then I think ‘a sense of unease, danger, and a strong smell of Hennessy’ would be amongst it. Another fun little promo for the trios battle royale – the roleplays for that match have all been so light and easy to read. The clear strength in this promo was the chemistry between the three central characters, which gets stronger every time you guys get together. I love how different Nate and Jackson are in the way they interact with Xperienx (just as they contrast on pretty much everything else): think Jackson's naivety and Nate’s sort of prudishness are perfect foils to Xperienx, Monica, and Antonio’s lavishness and sexual flamboyance. Would've liked to have maybe seen a little more focus on the opponents or the match, but think this is fun from a character perspective and for its more surreal moments.
Trixie Bordeaux.
I like that although you're trying your hand at science fiction which is mostly quite futuristic you still had a medieval and almost Pythonesque feel to this promo, particularly Trixie's character. Think this is most apparent when she goes from summoning her handmaidens to visiting ‘the room with the big holopad’ within the space of a few paragraphs. I think outside of a few obvious reference points and (probably) the opening video (which I didn't watch sorry only the PDF is graded :fracto:) it doesn't feel overly Star Wars, glad that you had what seems a mostly original story within this fictional universe, an homage rather than a parody (as far as I'm aware lol?). I really liked that you didn't show the climactic showdowns between Harrows & Trixie as well as Vengador & Johnson. Think these things work best when they're suggestive of the big action scenes in this way a lot of the time, although I did feel at various stages in the first half of the promo you were too reliant on description of action (particularly during fight sequences). I think this roleplay is more successful when focusing on Trixie's character (either through dialogue or description) as opposed to describing events in fights one by one. This promo looked really great: both in terms of the formatting as well as the spelling/grammar stuff which was fine except for a few minor word choice things (‘trace’ instead of ‘trance’, stuff like that). There's enormous amounts of match focus throughout here, and although Vengador and Johnson are almost peripheral figures there's enough of them considering they're only potential future finalists. You nailed the dynamic with Harrows which figures considering you two know the characters so well. It's a shame that Harrows couldn't promo but looking forward to the climactic showdown between Bordeaux and ‘Johnson’.
Cyrus Truth.
I enjoyed you pitching the *present* as an important theme during Cyrus’ monologue, as if this is an important moment in time for the North American Championship and the FWA as a whole. The scenes of Cyrus lamenting the perception of him are great even if familiar ground for the Exile maybe, but this promo is strongest when Truth is resolute and defiant towards its climax (more because he has to be than anything else). The pit fighting sequence was intense and I liked that the action was intercut with Cyrus’ thoughts as well as his monologue, which underpins the whole piece. The match focus is good, with the three stand-ins for the opponents offering a creative backdrop upon which Cyrus delivers his speech, which is as always filled with astute points on your opponents and Truth's view of the current FWA. Think this promo was maybe stronger on character portrayal than it was on character development. Truth's lengthy diatribes are obviously incredibly well structured and that's never more true than here, with the events surrounding his dialogue playing into what he's saying until his eventual involvement within them. Enjoyed this as the first NA promo I've read and certainly a strong benchmark for the others to chase.
Mike Parr.
Not a full promo so I won't do a full review but glad you were able to get something in, and I enjoyed what you were able to put down. Felt really heartfelt. Glad to hear that you should have more time after BiB, and of course looking forward to 2025.
FTN.
This is a towering promo. Forty two pages, which just so happens to be my favourite number. Deliberate? Probably given rawr is co-author. This is a super emotional promo, especially from Man's side of things, definitely could tell he was pouring his heart into this one, especially in those opening pages. I liked the parallels between Chris’ early meeting with an unexpected ally that goes well, and then Alyster’s meeting with an expected ally that goes poorly (until she gives him the advice he needs). From there, we have Alyster fulfilling a surprising role in Chris’ grieving process, fully invested in a way that he avoided with his partners in both the Gang Stars and Black Caramel (albeit both in different circumstances). The Black sections shine equally in this promo whilst the two characters are apart, with Alyster stepping up so to speak and filling in a supportive role with both Max and Cindy. I thought these were really well written sequences although I do feel sorry for Max with Chris as a remaining father figure and I also feel sorry for Cindy with Chris as a boyfriend. Should also mention the Weekend At Drew’s section which is a nice parallel to the Jeremy/Best story (as mentioned in the narrative), which is funny considering what Dubb did in his promo. Also think the softening of the relationship with Dark Roads Alliance was well done but I'm not really sure if even forty two pages is enough to bridge that gap so readily.
Closing scenes with Drew’s failure being confronted by the FTN members was pretty hard-hitting and the emotion felt justified after forty pages of getting there. This promo is obviously super effective from character perspective with both Chris and Alyster given equal chance to shine and develop, which is surprising given that the narrative revolves almost entirely around Chris’ brother. I think for a lot of its runtime the focus on Danny and Randy seems secondary, and although you did try to tie it in with the narrative with the dream in the middle and towards the end, it felt like this was maybe fitted around the promo rather than the other way around. Which is understandable but I think the focus on Randy and Toner definitely doesn't feel like the primary one in this promo. Was very long, took me ages to read (first 3.5 joint promo!), but it was always enjoyable. Read mostly clean but a few botches which I will punish extremely harshly. Interesting at the very end that we have Alyster insisting he's ‘not doing it for hatred anymore’ and Chris replying about how they'll ‘always’ hate Danny and Randy. Seems to me that maybe Peacock is taking it more personally than Black which makes sense given their characters, but it was interesting to see Black in the role of following along with a blood feud when you can argue that Krash played that role in the Gang Stars.
I actually read the intro of the Toner and Ramon promo but decided to save it until tomorrow when I have my laptop and empty flat and can do the thing properly. Links are broken on mobile (at least mine) and that promo deserves full laptop viewing I imagine. Don't usually read much on mobile but we're currently getting our annual four days of good sun and no chance I'm missing it. Very excited for that. The promo and the sun. Having started Toner+Ramon promo and read all of Alyster+Peacock, it does already feel like rawr/man brought an rp to a gunfight, and shawn/tig showed up with nukes. But that reminds me of another Night One tag team main event. Think this one will be super close.
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Post by supinesnake on Jul 31, 2024 17:11:41 GMT
I'm going to make my longer post once I've had a chance to read promos but Back in Business XX (2026) should be in New Orleans. Back in Business XIX (2025) should be somewhere outside of North America. They should alternate year to year (even years is in North America; odd years is elsewhere). If I have to make a pick, Seoul Olympic Stadium in South Korea.Oz is that anywhere near the Seoul Tower? |
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Shawn
FWA Alumni
Posts: 5
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Post by Shawn on Jul 31, 2024 17:21:15 GMT
I actually read the intro of the Toner and Ramon promo but decided to save it until tomorrow when I have my laptop and empty flat and can do the thing properly. Links are broken on mobile (at least mine) and that promo deserves full laptop viewing I imagine. Don't usually read much on mobile but we're currently getting our annual four days of good sun and no chance I'm missing it. Very excited for that. The promo and the sun. Having started Toner+Ramon promo and read all of Alyster+Peacock, it does already feel like rawr/man brought an rp to a gunfight, and shawn/tig showed up with nukes. But that reminds me of another Night One tag team main event. Think this one will be super close. Meant to give this warning when posting but forgot. The links DO work on my mobile, for the record, but the whole thing looks much cleaner and polished on laptop. I dabbled on the "mobile view" editor but only so far as to make sure it didn't look like shit on mobile. Strongly recommend doing the thing on laptop/desktop. |
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Ozymandias
FWA Wrestler
we are still live
Posts: 30
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Post by Ozymandias on Jul 31, 2024 18:54:42 GMT
I'm going to make my longer post once I've had a chance to read promos but Back in Business XX (2026) should be in New Orleans. Back in Business XIX (2025) should be somewhere outside of North America. They should alternate year to year (even years is in North America; odd years is elsewhere). If I have to make a pick, Seoul Olympic Stadium in South Korea.Oz is that anywhere near the Seoul Tower? 1 hours and 20 minutes with Seoul's public transport. According to Google Maps anyway. |
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Post by supinesnake on Aug 1, 2024 7:35:54 GMT
I actually read the intro of the Toner and Ramon promo but decided to save it until tomorrow when I have my laptop and empty flat and can do the thing properly. Links are broken on mobile (at least mine) and that promo deserves full laptop viewing I imagine. Don't usually read much on mobile but we're currently getting our annual four days of good sun and no chance I'm missing it. Very excited for that. The promo and the sun. Having started Toner+Ramon promo and read all of Alyster+Peacock, it does already feel like rawr/man brought an rp to a gunfight, and shawn/tig showed up with nukes. But that reminds me of another Night One tag team main event. Think this one will be super close. Meant to give this warning when posting but forgot. The links DO work on my mobile, for the record, but the whole thing looks much cleaner and polished on laptop. I dabbled on the "mobile view" editor but only so far as to make sure it didn't look like shit on mobile. Strongly recommend doing the thing on laptop/desktop. On my phone I couldn't even find links to click for the different emotions, so it might be different on different phones/operating systems. |
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Post by supinesnake on Aug 1, 2024 11:03:05 GMT
This morning:
Randy Ramon and Danny Toner.
Took down a few notes as I went through each section of the promo - not super detailed for each one because I didn’t want to overly affect the flow of reading the roleplay.
I delayed reading this for a day (as I said) so my anticipation was high, and then the first section I clicked featured MvH and Grayson losing in the Elite Tag Team Classic (still). What a dampener. Bitterness is exactly the right title for this section, the theme is well realised from the start. Think in the ‘guilt’ section it was telling and amusing that Danny is toying with the idea of leaving this particular event unchanged. He touts it as for the good of the tag team division but it also benefits him directly. Sort of fitting for the Toner character over the last few years imo. I like that the hatred section is centred around FTN as well as each other (maybe more historically idk, seems like the beef has settled into professional rivalry even if not exactly squashed and probably not respectful either) - some good dialogue here for a character portrayal perspective analysing their own history. lol at Stevenson not being redacted but Garcia getting the treatment. Seems fitting that he’s in the 'horror' section. Also in this section I thought initially that the 2016 Toner etc naming system was a little cumbersome but eventually with little things like Danny ‘Fucking 2016’ Toner I thought you turned that into a strength. With ‘insecurity’ section I found myself remembering an event in the story that I was around for but had forgotten about with the poker game, which brought about fond nostalgia. Loved in this section that events were related directly back to Peacock and his doomed attempts to bring Toner and Ramon closer together. I wonder if I’d feel differently on this section and maybe think it out of place if the wheel had given it to me first. Pretty bs that with all these historical changes the results of the two MvH matches so far were still MvH losses (although I recognise we keep the belts here). Hardly seems fair. ‘Is Michelle still hot in this timeline’ ewww. Found it a little odd in this section that the alternates were presented as from a different reality entirely maybe instead of historical (but sort of ‘skewed’) versions of our guys. Love that you went as far back as you did for some of these, like 2016 for ‘pressure’ - you must have had fun searching through those archives :fracto:. Amusing that again Danny wants to leave some stuff the same for the benefit of himself or his legacy haha. That definitely seems to be a recurring theme. Amusing and then very insightful interaction with Ramon saying even if they could change stuff he definitely wouldn’t change *this* - for deeper reasons than the reader might immediately think. This turns into a discussion of the Toner/Ramon relationship, in its earlyish stages and the longer lasting effects of those earlyish events, which is amongst the best of the character-based stuff in the promo, and again FTN are always there in the background as an undercurrent. Didn’t expect Ground Zero final to be a primary feature like in ‘regret’ but again I like the efforts you’ve made throughout this promo to include lots of focus on the opponents. I like that the protagonists discuss a faster route, with identifying one event to change at the root of it all as opposed to changing eight or nine different ones. That’s something that I’d been thinking about lots when reading through the previous sections. Ending of this section is really strong. I like that Toner finally gets to turn one back in his favour like he does in ‘shock’, but again wonder if that would have had the same effect if I’d chanced this one in the early stages, before Toner’s ‘earlier’ (for me) annoyance at having to change things back to his detriment. Some interesting thoughts from Ramon on his surprise at their loss at Desert Storm, an iconic moment in the GR/TxR feud. LOL at the interaction with Rondo/Donny at the end of this (specifically him thinking Toner has spoiled the surprise for R3). A definite highlight. Enlisting past Rondo to help reset things is a nice, inventive touch. Suuuuuper early in the ‘surprise’ section, way back in 2014. Seems not a huge difference between shock and surprise as emotions on the outset. Toner refusing to help (initially) in this final memory works brilliantly with everything that’s gone before, seems like that reaction has been building throughout. Interaction with Ayla Al was super sweet. End of this one seemed suitably full of pathos seeing as it’s the last one I read. TxR3 is a good name. The interaction with Crowe at the start of the conclusion was unexpected but another inventive element - almost felt like a plot turn that would be at home in an FTN promo. Okay guess I was wrong earlier when I said there was probably still little respect. The ending dialogue definitely earned given what went before.
One thing that struck me in one section (‘intro’ I think) Danny corrects math to maths and I thought isn’t Danny from NYC but maybe his nationality changed in the timeline skewing. But I don’t think that was addressed. Unimportant (I guess…). Think overall this is a very creative promo with the wheel of emotions and the different paths that you can take through the promo. I do wonder if there is perhaps an ‘optimal’ route (in terms of narrative and character development, as well as the progression of their relationship), and if maybe I took it by just going through them one by one in order without using the wheel (which maybe wasn’t intended but turned out really well, pacing wise). I also wonder if you were maybe limited in the scope of dialogue by not being able to talk about other sections whilst writing each one as the reader may not have been there yet. Usually when I give reviews I don’t really expect/want a response from the writer (altho cool if they want to give one) but am genuinely interested in how you guys felt the suggested randomised structure of the promo supported the themes or narrative, as opposed to a more linear format? My own interpretation I guess is that each of these events contributed to where we are equally, and that the order that they happened or are addressed is insignificant, but interested in your view on the chosen structure (and specifically the random element). There were a few moments where I was a little confused in terms of what the realities encountered were - at times they seemed to be alternate realities where the characters were altogether different versions of our current day characters, whilst most of the time they were the historical versions of the same characters. Think maybe it was just anomalies in a couple sections.
The character work in this promo was pretty excellent, and I think aided by the route that I took through the promo. Think it allowed both characters to learn from each other and grow as individuals (as well as a team), which is about as good as you can get for collaborative writing. I didn’t think you’d be able to match FTN character work with this set up but think you ran them close. Match focus was very strong throughout and the spelling/grammar was very strong throughout, especially considering the length of the promo. There were a couple formatting errors (bolding inconsistencies) and the zoom I had the text at made the banners stretch off the screen (JEALOUSY becomes EALOUS for instance). These were superficial. Also think there’s an argument to be had of allowing more creative formatting/hosting options and ensuring a level playing field in what’s posted - historically I’ve docked like .2 in presentation if the formatting is outside the parameters of the forum or PDF. Although again I don’t think creative formats like this should really be discouraged so leaning towards making that .1 instead of .2.
Going to be a really difficult one to grade (the match, I mean).
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Post by supinesnake on Aug 1, 2024 18:35:44 GMT
Today's reads:
Vengador.
This was a fun and well-written origin story for *this* Vengador, with the sleight of hand followed by an adventure complete with stand-ins for Vengador’s opponent (and potential future ones). I liked that Aaron was pitched as a guy who’d let his weaknesses with regard to Trixie get the better of him when it came to the crunch, and Johnny the conman was very well-written, in it for himself pretty clearly and taking advantage of the others’ naivety. Pitching Blair and Celestia as the instigators of Trixie’s downfall was a nice link back to the FWA and again provided good opponent focus, which was strong throughout. I’m definitely enjoying these more detailed outings for Vengador and think this one worked very well for character development, with the new bearer of the mask different from the old one, but he still has the will to do what is necessary. Read pretty clean but some word choice mistakes scattered throughout. Enjoyable promo and the X4 is shaping up nicely.
Gabrielle.
Interesting opening section with extended thoughts on Gabrielle and what the ring means to her, finishing with a question about whether Rose knew the magnitude of what she wishes to claim. Having read the Elizabeth promo, you know that the size of this prize (although irrelevant to Gabrielle’s place in the HoF, as she mentions) is apparent to Rose. Intercutting the monologue on Rose being convinced that the transition to Elizabeth is what she wants by those around her, with Gabrielle at her most x-rated, is definitely a suggestive and very interesting choice to make. By the end of this section, the line about being taken advantage of seems like an almost inevitable conclusion, carrying weight when it comes because of this creative editing choice. The section addressed to Lizzie at the end, noticeably and repeatedly *Lizzie* and not Elizabeth (like Gabrielle corrected in other sections), felt really heartfelt and the hurting her to save her refrain was well built towards and well delivered. The promo is definitely also formatted differently to usual but I liked how you retained the simple style of recent Gabrielle promos, but with a few carefully-chosen formatting elements. Seemed very clean otherwise also. Really enjoyed this and the match will be an interesting one.
Krash.
Having the destruction of the Academy as a starting point here definitely introduced parallels to the Best promo from the start, with both you and Dubb using that event as a basis from which to write. This is another incredibly hard-hitting promo emotionally speaking, following on from similar efforts at last year's Back in Business and this year's Canal Contendership, in a way that feels only fitting considering the length and magnitude of this feud. The central dream/coma/fugue state has some incredible imagery, particularly surrounding Jeremy Best, who is central to the whole promo. It felt odd for me to read that Peacock was there to help out with Krash's situation given everything going on in the FTN promo, but that is talked about in the dialogue at least with a reasonable explanation. I'd definitely have liked to see more made of those sections and the intercutting between the FTN family trying to help Krash with what's going on inside Krash's mind. I really loved the sequence where we leave Krash's mind and collide quite violently with the real world again: thought this was brilliantly executed. I wonder if there was perhaps a more organic way of transitioning into the final monologue but I thought the content of this was a perfect summation of where Krash is and what the match means to him. Race you to hell, Jeremy. Burn with me. is a great way to finish.
Nova Taylor.
What is Keres doing? Why is she making Sawyer… Or someone who looks like him, play these people? I'm glad that Nova vocalises this at the end of the second act because it's something I was almost constantly thinking throughout this promo. This roleplay paints Keres out as the puppeteer of the group, Nova as the firm victim, and Keres as a really nasty piece of work to put her teammate through all this for I guess reasons of mind conditioning? I think in terms of match/opponent focus, this promo has lots of people named Sawyer in it but none of them are really like Sawyer Xavier. The characters he plays are homophobic and misogynistic bigots which obviously doesn't fit with Xavier, but guess you can put this down to it being the role that the actor is playing. I don't really think actor Sawyer resembled wrestler Sawyer though, either. I wonder if Sawyer is interchangeable with any male figure, to give the audience greater insight into what Nova has been through in the past? Or perhaps the real reasons for casting fake Sawyer in these roles that aren't much like real Sawyer will become clearer in the future, as Keres’ full plan is revealed. Don't think that was satisfactorily resolved in the promo but will give it time. As a result, because I think these manifestations of Sawyer are best explained as either visions of Nova's pre-TORN past or the start of Keres’ machinations, I think these sequences are actually more about character (or broader QoC) than match/opponent focus. Think the best writing here is in the descriptive parts which are thoughtful and interesting and can be amusing at times, particularly with your brief tangential mentions of other goings on in FWA, sometimes getting a bit meta with it as well but in subtle ways. Some of the events of the play seemed a little cartoony and overblown (Sawyer Hefner and his daddy antics, for instance), but I guess this is in the play so can forgive the narrative being a little theatrical. Promo read really cleanly throughout. Think the italics and then sort of double italics for emphasis was sometimes a little hard to spot but maybe that's just my old eyes. I liked the bit towards the start where Nova asks if she's supposed to make Sawyer look good: think this is the best and most direct parallel between this alternate reality and the one FWA inhabits.
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Post by mandalorian on Aug 2, 2024 7:28:19 GMT
Bryan Baxter:
Bax not doing himself any favours with the fat jokes directed at him if all he’ll get out of bed for is the smell of bacon. I liked the comparison of Baxter to an experienced assassin given his past of carrying out hits on behalf of Best and the FWA. The running theme of his past coming to catch up with him in the form of his challengers coming after him was a good thread throughout the promo. I did feel that this link was stronger for Parr and Truth than for Katsu given their deeper histories with Baxter. Bryan having a reason to fight because of his family and not just wanting to be a mean bastard was good and I liked the touch of having him use his willingness to take the low road to deal with Cyrus and shooting him in the back. The promo did a good enough job of addressing each of the opponents in turn and it covered the necessary points in that respect. The tease of coming after Scorpane is an interesting development and given the wider goings-on, I am intrigued to see where this goes after BIB.
Katsu:
I’m a big fan of the futuristic dystopian setting. I think writing the promo in the second person is a unique way of approaching things (the only other promo that comes to mind written in the second person is Krash’s Mile High 2021 one). I really dig the concept of the challengers feeling some sort of need to work together given they’ve all been wronged by Baxter. Whilst I’m a big fan of the having to work together premise, some of these interactions didn’t come across quite… right(?) though in terms of characterisation - the part where Parr says Katsu was Chinese was way off the mark and out of place as I don’t recall that kind of thing ever being a facet of his character. I think the strongest part of the promo is where we learn more about Katsu’s motivations and she opens up after the Baxter meeting with the reader. Seeing what this means to her and what she’d do as the champion is a great way of understanding her motivations. There’s some good self-reflection there. A little CYOA at the end? Didn’t see this coming at all and is a fun way to end things here. A very fun way to end things here with of course the Katsu ending being the ‘right’ ending, and given what she’d been through with us, it seemed and felt earned. Nice work.
Cyrus Truth:
It is mildly amusing that this started off with Truth lurking around the arena as it fits in with the canon of the FTN promo where he and Konchu confronted Peacock. We’ve spoken about it a bit after the North American Gauntlet but you’d said that people would be remiss to forget that Truth is more than the moral compass that has been a constant in the FWA for a long time. There’s the acceptance that he is the constant and he is someone who a lot of people have attempted to make their bones off of, and some were successful in doing so, which I like. I think the stand ins for each of the opponents not being massively developed here doesn’t hurt things too much - although in Baxter’s case I enjoyed the comparison to his relationship with Best. The focus of the promo was Cyrus and it showcased for me one of the greatest qualities of the character, as well as you as a writer - adaptability. Any situation Truth is placed in, he’s able to adjust to without compromising his beliefs or betraying his character. Then in terms of the writing, it was impactful and I loved the variance in the dialogue in the voice over and some of the phrasing used made it all very engaging. “I am the tide that raises their ships” is an absolutely killer line. This was a very enjoyable read and will be tough to beat.
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Post by Ͳɾì×ìҽ βօɾժҽąմ× on Aug 2, 2024 18:07:03 GMT
1. Which Back in Business match are you looking forward to most and why? (Can't be your own).
- Kleio De Santos vs. XYZ. This is a personal pick for me, given my connection to Kleio and her handler, but, of any of the matches at BIB, this is the one I’m looking forward to seeing what happens most. Sully and TGO are two absolute GOATs of the Fed, and both absolutely brought it with their promos for this match. I’m looking forward to seeing if and how this rivalry that has spanned years on and off concludes, and regardless of the winner, both guys can be proud of their efforts in their promos for this match, and their efforts into building their respective characters over the past few years.
2. Who should the commentary team be for each night?
- Jean-Luc Watkins, joined by a different GZ Hardcore contestant for every match.
3. How many title changes will there be across the weekend? (can base this on whatever you like)
- Two.
4. Which THREE back in business promos have read and what did you think of them? (Doesn't have to be a review or feedback - a couple of sentences on what you enjoyed or didn't enjoy or didn't understand or whatever is fine. Can't be your own promo or your opponent's).
- Imma edit this post in a few days with my 3 choices after I’ve read a few more promos, so TBD for this one for the moment…
5. Where should BiB XIX in 2025 be?
- Principality Stadium in Cardiff, Wales. 🏴
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Post by supinesnake on Aug 3, 2024 12:20:36 GMT
Aaaaaaand to finish up:
Bryan Baxter.
This was a really fun promo, and when I say it was ‘consequence free’ I mean that as both a good thing and a bad thing. This takes place in an alternate reality where the four NA contenders are master assassins, and a bounty has been placed on Baxter's head, meaning it's a bloodbath where three of the four in the match die (guess which three). This allows you to really have fun with the concept and the action, but think it *can be* (and is here) a real barrier for character portrayal and that’s the grading category where this roleplay struggled the most. I enjoyed each interaction, though, my favourite being with Truth, and Baxter using the Exile's weakness - his honour - to get the better of him. Parr and Baxter being old acquaintances also worked really well, but I did think it was a little odd for Katsu to hold the kid hostage. Didn't seem to fit the character unless I've missed something on-screen. I am not usually a fan of lengthy fight sequences with lots of description (although have been guilty of them in the past), but I think this one is pretty inventive with the use of the environment, and a waterpark in general is a pretty magnificent place for a climactic battle. This promo was really strong on match/opponent focus but left me desiring a bit more in terms of character progression.
Katsu.
Overall I really enjoyed this promo. My favourite thing about it was the use of second person in the description, which I think was very creative and well executed. It’s a deceptively hard thing to do, especially for this length, and the device also added an element of mystery to the promo. I spent large portions of it questioning the perspective that I was viewing the story from. For the first half, I found it to be an effective way of placing the reader directly in the story, as if they themselves are involved, and think this added some uniqueness to the combat sequences at the end (although honestly still a little in-depth in terms of describing events in fights for my taste). During the sequence where Baxter contacts the protagonist by their phone directly, I started to think that maybe you (as in the story’s second person protagonist) was the graders specifically, due to something Baxter says about the influence that the person holds in their own world. This interpretation plays into the heartfelt plea from Katsu with regards to her love for the place, even though it’s often been unkind to her. The mid-narrative cut to Tokyo, where we see the ‘real’ YDS from this person’s perspective, sort of threw that into question for me again, and the sequence at the end in which the note is found within the story had me asking if it was the writer specifically (although ‘a friend’s story’ sort of suggests otherwise). I think the promo looked great and read really cleanly (although the links for alternate endings didn’t work for me), and I far prefer this font to the one used in the Nova roleplay. I think the stand-ins were maybe a little thin, particularly Parr, who I didn’t really recognise beyond the fact that he’s the record North American title holder and that he shares his name. The Chinese interlude is weird for Parr -- I think I got what you were laying with the interruption following this exchange but still thought it didn’t really match Parr/Prod at all so took me out of the scene and maybe made me hyper aware of other superficialities with regards to Cyrus. I think Baxter is the most successful of the three but even then think the complexities with regards to his relationship with Best are overlooked or not dwelled upon. The character work in terms of Katsu herself, though, is strong, particularly in the monologue sequence I mentioned earlier and her motivations concerning the North American Championship. I thought this was a really strong effort overall, particularly in relation to character and creativity.
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Post by Dubb on Aug 3, 2024 19:08:19 GMT
Aaaaaaand to finish up: Bryan Baxter.This was a really fun promo, and when I say it was ‘consequence free’ I mean that as both a good thing and a bad thing. This takes place in an alternate reality where the four NA contenders are master assassins, and a bounty has been placed on Baxter's head, meaning it's a bloodbath where three of the four in the match die (guess which three). This allows you to really have fun with the concept and the action, but think it *can be* (and is here) a real barrier for character portrayal and that’s the grading category where this roleplay struggled the most. I enjoyed each interaction, though, my favourite being with Truth, and Baxter using the Exile's weakness - his honour - to get the better of him. Parr and Baxter being old acquaintances also worked really well, but I did think it was a little odd for Katsu to hold the kid hostage. Didn't seem to fit the character unless I've missed something on-screen. I am not usually a fan of lengthy fight sequences with lots of description (although have been guilty of them in the past), but I think this one is pretty inventive with the use of the environment, and a waterpark in general is a pretty magnificent place for a climactic battle. This promo was really strong on match/opponent focus but left me desiring a bit more in terms of character progression. Katsu.Overall I really enjoyed this promo. My favourite thing about it was the use of second person in the description, which I think was very creative and well executed. It’s a deceptively hard thing to do, especially for this length, and the device also added an element of mystery to the promo. I spent large portions of it questioning the perspective that I was viewing the story from. For the first half, I found it to be an effective way of placing the reader directly in the story, as if they themselves are involved, and think this added some uniqueness to the combat sequences at the end (although honestly still a little in-depth in terms of describing events in fights for my taste). During the sequence where Baxter contacts the protagonist by their phone directly, I started to think that maybe you (as in the story’s second person protagonist) was the graders specifically, due to something Baxter says about the influence that the person holds in their own world. This interpretation plays into the heartfelt plea from Katsu with regards to her love for the place, even though it’s often been unkind to her. The mid-narrative cut to Tokyo, where we see the ‘real’ YDS from this person’s perspective, sort of threw that into question for me again, and the sequence at the end in which the note is found within the story had me asking if it was the writer specifically (although ‘a friend’s story’ sort of suggests otherwise). I think the promo looked great and read really cleanly (although the links for alternate endings didn’t work for me), and I far prefer this font to the one used in the Nova roleplay. I think the stand-ins were maybe a little thin, particularly Parr, who I didn’t really recognise beyond the fact that he’s the record North American title holder and that he shares his name. The Chinese interlude is weird for Parr -- I think I got what you were laying with the interruption following this exchange but still thought it didn’t really match Parr/Prod at all so took me out of the scene and maybe made me hyper aware of other superficialities with regards to Cyrus. I think Baxter is the most successful of the three but even then think the complexities with regards to his relationship with Best are overlooked or not dwelled upon. The character work in terms of Katsu herself, though, is strong, particularly in the monologue sequence I mentioned earlier and her motivations concerning the North American Championship. I thought this was a really strong effort overall, particularly in relation to character and creativity. SS you are so awesome to have knocked out all these reviews. As for Baxter’s, I definitely get the thing about the character development. One thing that probably I tried to instill into the promo that does reflect on his real life situation is the idea of him starting to like the domestic life vs being the hired gun, which was kinda meant to be reflective of him wrestling with continuing to be Jeremy’s “heavy.” Probably could’ve hit this harder but I was getting this one done at my own personal deadline lol. |
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Post by 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓪 𝓢𝓾𝓵𝓵𝔂 on Aug 4, 2024 20:21:09 GMT
1. Which Back in Business match are you looking forward to most and why? (Can't be your own)
MvH vs Shawn Summers. I feel like in terms of star power this one might be like the Steve Austin vs The Rock of the FWA. Best vs Krash is up there too with that logic, but I think these are probably two of the best on the roster and two great writers so having them face off head to head on the biggest show warrants a lot of hype.
2. Who should the commentary team be for each night?
Broc and Ramjam
3. How many title changes will there be across the weekend? (can base this on whatever you like)
Two. Not sure which ones, but two seems like a fair number.
4. Which THREE back in business promos have read and what did you think of them? (Doesn't have to be a review or feedback - a couple of sentences on what you enjoyed or didn't enjoy or didn't understand or whatever is fine. Can't be your own promo or your opponent's).
I am going to do full reviews tomorrow but
* Lizzie Rose - A really nice comeback writing wise from AON who I think has struggled (admittedly I believe) to find his footing writing lately.
* Trixie - A well done Star Wars backdrop with a lot of great effort in presentation. It is hands down the best promo presentation wise of the entire show.
* XYZ - I know he's my opponent but this was such a really layered and deep promo with some of the best character development in the promo thread.
5. Where should BiB XIX in 2025 be?
I agree that 2025 should be outside the US, and also agree with TGO that alternating bi-yearly inside the US and out is a good approach. Although I think a Pittsburgh based BIB is good for business because that Steel City imagery is just too good.
For 2025
*San Siro Stadium in Milan Italy
*La Bombonera Stadium in Buenos Aires, Argentina
*Aviva Stadium in Dublin, Ireland
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Post by mandalorian on Aug 5, 2024 18:20:20 GMT
Vengador:
Nice to get Vengador’s motivations established at the beginning of the promo; he wants to live up to his brother’s mantle and not let down his memory. Just with that bit of information there, it’s understandable to see how he has acted since arriving in the FWA. Aaron just gets violated immediately upon his introduction - that got a laugh out of me. Fucking hell I’m getting annoyed for Vengador by Harrows here as well. Very fitting with Johnny just up and dipping out of nowhere, but it shows that perhaps Vengador was wrong to dismiss Aaron and agree with Johnny so quickly. Good tie in with the Coven story here, and I think there’s an additional layer that could be read into this that Vengador is still not doing this for himself as he was acting ultimately as nothing more than a hired gun. The promo was as expected very clean and easy to read. A couple of missed pieces of bolding but everyone is guilty of things like that. Solid effort from you here, Dubbster.
Trixie Bordeaux:
Opening crawl is a super fun way to start things off (although could have done with some capitalised words for extra authenticity!) Fair play and nice work for going the extra mile although no one should ever feel like they need to spend real money; I’m sure that someone would have been happy to put this together for you had you asked. Not much issue with the first few pages being dedicated to the background to everything, but if the opening crawl wasn’t costed per word some of this could have been in there to save on the exposition a bit? Think it is a good set up that Trixie is not actually deserving of her title given the asterisks that hang over her victory. An easy thing to point out that gives you a platform to work from. Good marks for using the setting to have Vengador as a bounty hunter - sometimes these things fall into your lap. Good characterisation with Trixie’s impulsiveness giving away hers and Aaron’s position - it’s good when a writer can recognise the weaknesses in their character’s personality and they play into things. The fight scenes are written well enough, it’s just I think there’s probably one too many in the promo for my liking. I think it’s possible to create a feeling of constant anxiety with lots of action and you got over the idea of peril well here, but at the same time, fight after fight after fight can get quite repetitive. The strongest parts of the promo for me are the scenes where Trixie is being self-reflective and considering her relationships with these people, especially Harrows. The speech at the end with the determination to prove herself tied into the ideas introduced in the beginning, which I thought was really good. This was a fun read and shows the growth in your confidence and writing that you’ve been able to take on a set piece like this and do it well.
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Post by Ͳɾì×ìҽ βօɾժҽąմ× on Aug 5, 2024 20:45:29 GMT
Vengador: Nice to get Vengador’s motivations established at the beginning of the promo; he wants to live up to his brother’s mantle and not let down his memory. Just with that bit of information there, it’s understandable to see how he has acted since arriving in the FWA. Aaron just gets violated immediately upon his introduction - that got a laugh out of me. Fucking hell I’m getting annoyed for Vengador by Harrows here as well. Very fitting with Johnny just up and dipping out of nowhere, but it shows that perhaps Vengador was wrong to dismiss Aaron and agree with Johnny so quickly. Good tie in with the Coven story here, and I think there’s an additional layer that could be read into this that Vengador is still not doing this for himself as he was acting ultimately as nothing more than a hired gun. The promo was as expected very clean and easy to read. A couple of missed pieces of bolding but everyone is guilty of things like that. Solid effort from you here, Dubbster. Trixie Bordeaux: Opening crawl is a super fun way to start things off (although could have done with some capitalised words for extra authenticity!) Fair play and nice work for going the extra mile although no one should ever feel like they need to spend real money; I’m sure that someone would have been happy to put this together for you had you asked. Not much issue with the first few pages being dedicated to the background to everything, but if the opening crawl wasn’t costed per word some of this could have been in there to save on the exposition a bit? Think it is a good set up that Trixie is not actually deserving of her title given the asterisks that hang over her victory. An easy thing to point out that gives you a platform to work from. Good marks for using the setting to have Vengador as a bounty hunter - sometimes these things fall into your lap. Good characterisation with Trixie’s impulsiveness giving away hers and Aaron’s position - it’s good when a writer can recognise the weaknesses in their character’s personality and they play into things. The fight scenes are written well enough, it’s just I think there’s probably one too many in the promo for my liking. I think it’s possible to create a feeling of constant anxiety with lots of action and you got over the idea of peril well here, but at the same time, fight after fight after fight can get quite repetitive. The strongest parts of the promo for me are the scenes where Trixie is being self-reflective and considering her relationships with these people, especially Harrows. The speech at the end with the determination to prove herself tied into the ideas introduced in the beginning, which I thought was really good. This was a fun read and shows the growth in your confidence and writing that you’ve been able to take on a set piece like this and do it well. Thanks to everyone for the feedback! 💪 Just quickly on the text crawl, there wasn’t a cost per word, but there was either a 260 or 360 character limit (can’t remember which number it was, TBH, but I had to cut an entire 3rd paragraph of crawl because of it 😂). I do really wish I had asked around before paying money for it, lol. It honestly didn’t cross my mind to ask 😂 lesson learned for next time, lol. Really appreciate the feedback again! ❤️🤘💪 |
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Post by 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓪 𝓢𝓾𝓵𝓵𝔂 on Aug 8, 2024 14:19:30 GMT
Lizzie Rose
Really thought this was some of your best stuff in a long time. I do think BIB is a great time to do a character reflection and show the development and progression over time, and you did that well with the intro reminding us what Lizzie used to be. The darkness Lizzie is now was symbolized well, and I enjoyed the pride-fear backdrop to describe the very complicated dynamic with Gabrielle. I think you hit character development right on the nail here, and this will be a signpost promo for Lizzie Rose that we'll look back at in the future and see how it marked an ending and new beginning. All the things that you want to see at Back in Business.
Trixie
I said this earlier but this is by far the best presentation of the show. I think the space background is a nice example of using a watermark without making it TOO complicated, as it's got nice colors but doesn't distract from the bolded white text. The use of images on the sides is nicely put too. Content wise I think this did a great job of recapping Trixie's character journey through the storytelling of the Star Wars backdrop. That said I think the length worked against you here. Maybe its because I am not a fan of Star Wars but I struggled to keep up around the end of the first chapter and by Memory Two it started to feel like a sludge. I think the ending did a nice job showcasing the character development for Trixie and the darker turn against friendship that she has, similar to Lizzie Rose above. I'm excited to see where Trixie goes from here and what her character will develop into.
MvH
For starters I enjoyed the beginning flashback from 2023. I think the conversation with Valeria and MvH did good for MvH's character, but the cherry on top is the connection back not only to BIB but to Shawn Summers. With the bus driver saying Summers always wins, and the fact that in the end of that match he didn't win, I think it sets up the stage nicely for MvH to say that he is beatable. The core of this promo was simple yet unique. I think it's a nice example of how you can be super creative without being flashy. I said above I think BIB promos should be a summary of the past in a way, and going through your past promos in this literal archive was a great way to do it. I think the ending is perfect for BIB too, because it allows you a fresh slate to develop MvH post BIB regardless of win or loss. Overall a really good deep character promo and reflection.
Shawn Summers
First of all I always enjoy your presentation. The title and table box made this look clean and easy to read, especially with the broken up chapters. The first chapter's conflict between Trevor and Shawn is great, and I enjoy Shawn connecting the blame to MvH there. Trevor is rightfully pissed at Shawn, but Shawn is able to turn it around well enough. I wonder how long Trevor will keep buying that story from Shawn? The second chapter did a great job with more inner reflection, and like MvH's promo the parallels to last year's BIB are done well. I enjoyed the dream like conversation with MvH at the bar too, and Summers calling her tulip. Overall I think this chapter did a good job for showing us inside Summers' head. I don't know the history between Summers and Sherriff Harris but I enjoyed their back and forth well. All of the sections here made Shawn feel human, but this one made Shawn feel the most vulnerable. I think the ending with Summers throwing away the cigarettes is a great touch of symbolism too. Overall I'm really excited for this match because I think the writing styles for Summers and MvH are very similar, as are their stories in a way leading into this. I'm not sure who I have winning so it'll be a result I'm looking forward to.
XYZ
I don't usually cover opponent's promos but I just want to say again I thought this was really well done. Such a really deep and emotional promo. The Magic School bus journey was a great backdrop for sure, and felt like one of those Road to Wrestlemania vlogs from back in the day. The ending of this promo really hit hard, and I think that's because of how good of a writer you are. We've had a lot of good character development promos, but I think the emotional aspects of this one through your writing really shine through. Really well done.
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